advice needed regarding ex not giving consent

Mojisola

floss2 wrote: »

Off topic, but if your OH did adopt your sons, they would then be unable to inherit from their blood father, but would be able to inherit from your OH, their adopted father.

Surely, in Beccles situation, they could inherit from either (or both) if they were left a legacy in the wills. It's only if the intestate rules come into play that they would be left out.

What the OP is asking seems entirely sensible. She isn't trying to remove the genetic father's name which is what usually what causes arguments.

Paparika

My son has is fathers surname and i went back to my maiden name when i divorced, i can't change it, considering he is the only male left to carry on the family name i decided that it would be better for my son to make up his own mind when he is older.

I got stopped at Christmas leaving the uk and asked who was responsible for the child, was with the OH who has another surname..

I said i was the child's mother and that was it.

But the new passports have the chip on them so all information is on there if any official cares to look.

onebusybee
as the other problems ie doctors / hospitals I've never had a problem and it just shows how safety conscious they are being, which i would find comforting not a hindrance, get a free half hour with a solicitor and ask them to draw up a letter stating that you are the child's parent.

Magpie.

My daughter had her fathers surname, when we separated he refused for a long time to sign the consent, mainly just as a control thing really as he didn't have anything to do with her.

To cut a long story short, he agreed in the end due to medical and school authority and we changed it by deed poll earlier this year to double barrel her name to have both of ours.

I could've tried doing it by court order but persevering in the end was much better for all of us.

Lunar_Eclipse

onebusybee wrote: »

Not sure if i should post this here so please delete if i'm not supposed to.

My ex partner and I split up when my daughter (now 3) was 8 months old. He now lives in Norway, has married and only visits our child once or twice a year.

I want to change her surname by deed poll to a double barrel of his and mine as currently she only has his and it is awkward at times.

I have written to him for consent but he is refusing.

Is there anything else I can do?

As I understand it, you need your ex's consent if you were previously married, but not if you weren't.

How about changing the name she is known by, as opposed to a legal deed poll change? Namely by writing to the school etc, you simply inform them that the child known as x y is now to be known as x y z (or whatever), in the same way that kids called Charlotte are to be known as Lottie etc. Just a thought.

(From the sounds of your daughter's residency situation and examples of how this is affecting you, I think you might have a good case in court.)

looby75

bellrooster wrote: »

I think it's more than reasonable! ofcourse you want to share the same name as your child!

and as for changing your name to that of your ex partner, that is absolute bonkers.

Why? My sister did it. She gave her dd her ex's name because they were engaged and planning to marry, she split up from her ex and very soon afterwards found out she was expecting again. To make sure that she and her children all had the same name she changed hers to her ex's.

At the end of the day if it's an issue for the op having a different name than her child then she really has only one sensible option.

Mojisola

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

As I understand it, you need your ex's consent if you were previously married, but not if you weren't.

How about changing the name she is known by, as opposed to a legal deed poll change? Namely by writing to the school etc, you simply inform them that the child known as x y is now to be known as x y z (or whatever), in the same way that kids called Charlotte are to be known as Lottie etc. Just a thought.

It doesn't matter whether the parents were married or not - it's whether the father has parental responsibility and in this case, he has.

The law has thought of people using this idea - official and unofficial name changing is covered. Without his agreement, it's not allowed.

zztopgirl

Sorry to hijack this thread, am wanting to change my dd's name when I get married to oh. Before my ex left me, we all had our name changed by deed poll due to very exceptional circumstances, legal aid covered it for those reasons.

Ex left me and decided to go back to using his old name, hence a total waste of public money but has not changed his name via deed poll yet. If he had made clear his intentions to leave, we wouldnt have required the name change, as he left me 2 days after we signed the papers :eek:

I will be changing my name when I get married but that means dd will be known as x, I will be known as y and ex will be known as z, highly confusing. I have a lawyer and will be requesting permission when the time arises but already know he will refuse. But wont it look really stupid when he refuses to have dd's name changed when he doesnt even have the same surname (its not even a family name or anything, it was picked at random). He bears a grudge against my OH anyway but it would be either dd goes back to her old surname which legal aid/various lawyers/police/etc decided wasnt practical for us and chose to spend taxpayers money on (which could have been spent on more worthy cases), or she has the same name as her mum.

A name is just a name, doesnt mean he will lose the right to see his dd or that im changing her entire name or taking her to the other side of the world so he will never see her again, the name we are currently known as bears absolutely no relevance.

I used to have a different surname to my eldest dd and never really had any problems, always just said I was her mum and that was it.

xmaslolly76

My friend had this problem and as far as i am aware she just went ahead and told everyone to double barrell the name. As long as its not for fraudulant purposes you can basically call yourself/daughter what ever you want but obviously for official documents ie: passports she would still have to use the registered name.

Mojisola

There was another thread about changing a child's name. The OP had a residency order saying the child's name couldn't be changed. Do you have the same?

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=1530059&highlight=child+name+change

bellrooster

looby75 wrote: »

Why? My sister did it. She gave her dd her ex's name because they were engaged and planning to marry, she split up from her ex and very soon afterwards found out she was expecting again. To make sure that she and her children all had the same name she changed hers to her ex's.

At the end of the day if it's an issue for the op having a different name than her child then she really has only one sensible option.

I'm glad it worked out for your sister, but the reason I think it's bonkers is that, in my personal experience I'm really proud of who I am, I've always been known as *insert my full name inc surname here* and I wouldn't want to change my name!

In the case of the op, with her ex living in a different country, living a new life with a new family by all accounts, it's not unreasonable for her to want to include her own surname in her childes name. It's not just to make medical appointments easier, it's about your child sharing YOUR name, not about taking on a new name, whether it being that of the ex's, or just a random one. It's about family. (so I sound a bit Eastenders here).