The ultimate incentive worked! Now onto phase two

Dinah93

Do you ever invite them around to yours for dinner or anything, see them without brother and fiance there?

Birdie85

I have had them round a few times but they always turn up so late (Dad was once 2 hours late!) that it just gets OH worked up and annoyed with them. They seem to think that we can just sit around and wait for them to turn up- I'm a bit fed up of serving overcooked food! When they pop round on a weekend for coffee they say they'll be there 'at about 10-11'... we'll wait in so we don't miss them and they waltz up to the door at 12.30! Morning wasted!

Birdie85

Oooh, found Dinah's mention! http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showpost.html?p=20970793&postcount=1904

Dinah93

Yeah that would drive me a bit batty too Birdie tbf, but I still think you'd regret it if your family weren't there on your wedding day.

Birdie85

Yeah, I would. I do want them there but I want them to get over themselves and put in a little more effort with OH and me before the wedding! He's a major part of my life and I've never been as happy or settled in myself before- why can't they see that?! It could be worse though, I could have NIM's mum!

Dinah93

Yeah but on the plus side, he doesn't give two hoots if she comes around or not! I want her to like me, he wants her to like me for her own sake not his, if she decides to be difficult, her call, but hes made it clear he's not putting up with her faffing about any more!

N.I.M

I believe I actually said if she doesnt cop the F**k on she can go jump off of a VERY high cliff but she'll not see me again.

Lara44

I hear you on the parental front Birdie. My family don't take much notice of OH either, nor have done really for the last 5 years. He is bad too though and never makes the effort to come over to Northern Ireland. I am also the quite doormat type to a strong Mum.

I felt like she was being quite mean about the wedding, she is raging about us having it in 'ENGland' and has turned on the emotional blackmail 1000%! My friend studies clinical psychology and has given me loads of lectures on boundaries, LOL. Mostly making sure that if nitpicking comes up I change the subject (distraction), that I stand firm on my decisions and don't go back on anything, that I keep changing the focus of the conversations back to the two of us (rather than the kid me who can be swayed by parental commands).

I wish it wasn't like this and it could be something we did together, but my Mum thinks she knows best that there is no room left for me if we try to make decisions together. Stick to your guns about your beach wedding, and just accept that if some people aren't able to come it's no problem.

NIM your Mum sounds like she definitely isn't a fan of Dinah. I do sympathise there it must be very hard for you both. I reckon things will definitely settle down when she sees things working out over time. L x

Dinah93

N.I.M wrote: »

I believe I actually said if she doesnt cop the F**k on she can go jump off of a VERY high cliff but she'll not see me again.

After jumping off a high cliff I doubt she'd be seeing much of anything.

N.I.M

Lara she's a typical Irish mammy of a generation that should know better but refuses to let go of the past. Now I wont say I dont take the mick about brits being slavers and what not, but theres never any malice in it and I *USUALLY* (i.e. when I'm in good form) take the paddy jokes as just that. I suspect owever that your mum is like mine and is in the catagory of "HOW DARE THOSE BRITS DO...bla bla bla yadda yadda..."? Would I be right? If she is then I really do feel sorry for you as I know how bad this is and how bad it can get but they only thing to do is stand firm and let them know that they can kick and scream and whine and moan about it but this is going to happen whether they like it or not. My dad on the other hand is lovely about the whole thing and has said I'm probably better of in England than Ireland and to let pretty much everything my mother says in one ear and out the other.