The ultimate incentive worked! Now onto phase two

Birdie85

I'll get the actual figures tonight, but it's going down so it's OK! The problem is trying to figure out how to clear down the debt and save for the wedding at the same time!
Talking about the wedding; OH's brother (the one with the horrible girlfriend) said that he might not be able to come because 'we' (not that we have invited the girlfriend!) can't afford it i.e she's said he's not going full stop foot down! MIL has said that if they sell their house before the wedding (it's going on the market soon) she'll pay for both brothers to go and OH has said that he'll happily chip in to pay for his bro to come! We can't even pay for ourselves at the minute, how can he decide he's going to chip in for other people to come too?! At this rate his brother will be there but I'll be at home!

Dinah93

This is the big problem with having a wedding abroad I think, you naturally still want all your family there, they might not be able to afford it, and it costs you a lot more in the long run. Either that or rifts are caused over who wants to spend their money attending someone elses wedding when realistically it will likely mean anyone attending can't afford to go on holiday to a place of their choice that year. If he wants all his family there (when originally I thought part of the reason for going abroad was so certain family members couldn't attend?) then you might find the long haul wedding to be a huge headache.

We round our bank balance to the nearest £5 every day, we save about £150 a month this way. Its not loads, but it means we've got a little wedding pot going. Ofc I hope we'll have the house business going soon, so should have some money out of the profits from that if it happens as we hope, so that would pay for it anyway!

Birdie85

The idea was to not have the extended family there who we haven't seen for years and don't really care about us (on both sides!) yet who'd still expect an invite to the wedding. What's upsetting OH is that his brother was mad keen to come and said that he'd start saving up, he was really looking forward to it- he's never even left England never mind go to the Caribbean- then his girlfriend (who he has no financial ties to, they don't live together so it's not like it's 'her' money he'll be spending) said that he's not allowed to go.
I don't even know if *my* brother is coming yet! His fiance is supposed to be my bridesmaid but they've been very quiet about coming, I think they will but I'm not convinced. I'm feeling a bit anti-my family at the minute so I don't really care if any of them come right now. For some reason whenever we go round to my parents (and my brother and SIL are inevitably there because God forbid we get to see my parents without the 'other kids' there!) OH gets ignored, Mum even goes so far as talking over him when he's talking to someone and she can be a bit (very) off with me too. I just feel like they prefer my brother and SIL, they always seem to get the preferential treatment and none of them are taking my wedding seriously. I'm trying to think of a way to de-bridesmaid my SIL actually since she clearly couldn't care less! I sound like a right Bridezilla!

Dinah93

End of the day I think you just have to accept what will be will be, the only important thing is who you are marrying, and it doesn't really matter in what format that takes place, where it is, who is in the bridal party etc. Those things are nice bonuses, but at the end of the day none of it is what you are taking forward into your future.

Have you tried speaking to your parents about how you feel? There might be more going on than you realise, or they might resent this fancy do you want for your wedding that is causing them so many problems. Do your parents like your OH? NIMs mum dislikes me enough now, I think she'd be downright rude to me if we were ever to take it the next step! However once she realised it was for real, and we were actually making plans not just playing at it, she'd start to respect me. Thats the hope anyway. Maybe they just need to see you actually booking something to realise its happening.

Tete_en_l'Air

Birdie I think you need to come to some sort of agreement with OH about exactly what you're paying for with this wedding. Sounds as though he's offered to help his bro out without asking you first which I'd be annoyed about, especially as you say you're struggling to pay for yourselves. Weddings in general, let alone ones in the Caribbean, are expensive things to attend so I think you should be prepared that people might not be able to go all that way for you. You never know what sort of debt/money problems other people have. But I think you should be clear with OH on what your wedding budget actually includes.

Dinah, I'm in the middle of reading the epic Stripey Socks diary and half way through I've come across a mention of you and how inspriational you are paying off all that debt in 250 days!

Dinah93

Lol really?! I haven't seen that one!!! Can you show me a link I wanna see!!!

Tete_en_l'Air

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=1468677&page=99

You might have to go back a page or two, this is just where I'm at at the min. It's strange, as there's only really 7 or 8 regular posters on this thread you sort of forget that the rest of internet-land might be reading too!

Dinah93

I know, the amount of times I pop onto someone elses thread and they let on they read mine - I don't even do anything anymore except prat about with business idea of the day, and a house deposit!

Tete_en_l'Air

And lots of random chatter!

Birdie85

We are very aware that it's going to cost a lot of money for our friends and family to attend but most people have been very excited about coming- starting savings, making sure they can get time off work and double checking that they're welcome in some instances! OH is one of life's great optimists and believes that we'll be able to save 'loads' of money for the wedding, but he's all talk and no action! He'll soon realise that we can't afford to subsidise other people, if he's got a spare £500 lying around to give to his brother and I'm going without something on *my* day I'll be mad! We'll be booking it in February and letting everyone know the date so maybe my family will take it more seriously when they know that it's happening on a certain day! My parents can't really complain too much about the wedding abroad, since I've been about 12 they've told me that I have to get married on a beach, that's the only way they'll pay for it etc. And they're not paying for it now we're doing what they told me to do!
I've never spoken up with my family, I'm the quiet doormat who goes along with what I'm told, I don't think I could tell my Mum that she's upsetting OH and me (I'm a bit scared of her TBH!). Dad just goes with the flow and does as he's told so he's no good! Mum used to love OH but seems to have gone off him since we moved in together and I'm not sure why! Maybe it's because I can't visit all the time... but when I have popped round uninvited they've been out or busy so I stopped going without being asked... and I don't get asked very often. OH doesn't exactly go looking for invites now as he's generally ignored when we're there! Last time we went was last Sunday and I was in tears all the way home because it had been horrible! At least OH's parents adore me!