The ultimate incentive worked! Now onto phase two

Dinah93

You never hear people just say 'i dont want to get married' it's always 'i have commitment issues'. It's just wishy washy weakness. A LOT of people only think of themselves nowadays, or they are very firmly first on their list and their gf/bf, kids and friends are thought of second and only if their interests accord with their own, which is where I mention selfish. I do not think someone is selfish for not wanting to be married, I do think that this inability to commit to any course in life in case its not the right one, and the unwillingness to put yourself out to help a stranger is a modern trend, where we are more wary of those around us which really saddens me.

Tete_en_l'Air

Dinah93 wrote: »

You never hear people just say 'i dont want to get married' it's always 'i have commitment issues'.

I've only ever heard that from silly boys who are nowhere near marriage anyway, from unmarried couples it's always "we're happy as we are and don't need a piece of paper to prove it" isn't it?

Dinah93 wrote: »

A LOT of people only think of themselves nowadays, or they are very firmly first on their list and their gf/bf, kids and friends are thought of second and only if their interests accord with their own, which is where I mention selfish.

This is really true and I'm noticing it more and more, but it's people in general and I don't see what it has to do with marriage.

I know some really horrible people who are married - it doesn't stop them mistreating their partner, only traps the partner in more. I don't really know why I'm arguing this corner because I myself want to get married but I just don't think it should be generalised that nice people get married and selfish people don't. Live and let live.



ETA - Wendz, where do you work that people would be like that? Are they all chronically single and jealous?

Cinny91

Tete_en_l'Air wrote: »

You're useless

haha, I'm terrible I know! I managed about 3 hours, that's pretty good going in my books.
but noo, we're not going to York now as lovely as it is! Just a plain week in Ribble Valley, lots of walks and pretty villages nearby.

On marriage subject - I don't think people not wanting to get married makes them selfish, I think a lot of people these days see financial commitments as being more solid than getting married.
Marriage is pretty much a religious thing, committing yourself to one person in the eyes of 'god' So maybe sharing a mortage is just the new age form of marriage? Saying your vows at the alter of HSBC I don't know, but if I'm honest, if OH asked me to marry him tomorrow I would. I know some people would judge me for that being 18, but everyone has their own opinions. Can't win them all, right?

Dinah93

I did not say nice people get married and nasty don't, I said the prioritisation of 'self' above the needs or wants of others has lead to a selfish society.

I know 3 unmarried couples, all together longer than 4 years where one partner says the whole 'piece of paper' thing and the other one is desperate to get married and won't see why their loved one wont do it if its only a piece of paper to them.

From a legal standpoint purely children have more rights as a child of a marriage than single parents, woman at work is always upset her partner can't take the kids for their injections even though he's their biological father.

ETA: I don't even think most people even equate it with being a religious cerimony now, after all you can get married civilly, finances don't really denote any form of commitment, just hassle if you break up, as all assets remain the property of those that owned them in the first place, whereas in marriage if you divorce assets gained are split.

wendz86

I work in a media agency, so most people who work here are under 40. A lot of them are around 30 and just seem to want to spend their lives going out drinking and having fun, which is great if that is what they want to do. They seem to have a bit of a mentality that marriage would stop you having fun. I sometimes think it could be a bit of jealousy as most of them aren't in relationships or have had bad break ups. They are all shocked how long myself and my OH have been together because of my age. I think it shows I have got a strong relationship myself!

Dinah93

Urgh, the right relationship nurtures and supports, and you have more fun than you do single. I enjoyed the party lifestyle, but would I swap it for the continual, overriding happiness I get with my relationship with NIM? Not on your life.

zigmeister

Obviously marriage is a very personal thing, and so opinions will differ.

I want to get married cuz it seems more like a family unit. And I like that. My Mum and Dad weren't married, which made it easier when they split up, but I don't really like the fact that I have a different surname to my Mum. It's not a huge thing, just something I wish was different.

I don't care about the wedding really, I just can't wait to be Mrs _______. I think having my parents split up, makes me want my own family even more. And a marriage and same surname makes that stronger. In my view anyway. :rolleyes:

Tete_en_l'Air

Ugh Wendz, I was well done with all the going out and having 'fun' by the time I was 23 - had my fair share of it though! I think they will be a bit jealous - much as I hate to admit it I know how they feel, before I met OH I was almost 26 and had been single for 4 1/2 years - all my friends were getting married and engaged all around me and it's hard to feel pleased for them when you're lonely yourself and feel as though you'll never meet anyone.

OK so maybe I misconstrued what you were saying Dinah, but I just felt people were getting on their moral high horses and I felt I should defend the unmarrieds

I don't like Cinny's idea that mortgage is the new marriage - how dry and awful! A shared mortgage is as difficult to get out of as a marriage but where's the sentiment? I also don't think a non-religious marriage is any less binding than a religious ceremony. What's the point in swearing in front of God when you don't believe in him, it's a joke. Better to just pledge to each other and swear in fromt of your loved ones.

OK, breathe! Are you staying in a lodge did you say Cin?

Dinah93

Mum informed me at the weekend she wants another family break to Centre Parks as a Christmas pressie. It's only about £110 more for a full week than 4 days, I'm going to speak to NIM and maybe we could have the other 4 days there on our own as a cheap break, and just do that in Jan/Feb time, and then 2 weeks in Greece next summer. Would mean a year of fairly cheap but still enjoyable holidays, enabling us to keep saving to go to Japan in 2011.

Cinny91

Tete_en_l'Air wrote: »

I don't like Cinny's idea that mortgage is the new marriage - how dry and awful!

Maybe the banker would wear a nice hat or a funny tie or something?

Yep, a pretty little lodge! When we went before the guy who owns it said he wanted to give people the escape of the countryside, but still all lifes little luxuries, I think he did it perfectly! http://www.ribblesdalepark.com/book-discover-lodges.asp Can't wait, haven't been on a full weeks holiday in about 2 years.