The ultimate incentive worked! Now onto phase two

Tete_en_l'Air

Awww Birdie!

OH has his 'romantic' moments (like buying me a semi dead discounted bunch of flowers 'I thought you'd like it, I thought discounted flowers would be money saver!')

Shows he knows you Cinny!!

wendz86

I think Birdie is right. The honeymoon period doesn't last forever. NIM seems like a really nice guy and he does sound like he does his best. It is a shame that things didn't go as well as you would have liked yesterday but he has got someting planned for next week which is nice.

I know it can hurt when you think something will be a certain way but thats just something we all have to deal with.

Dinah93

Hes the one that made himself up to be the king of romance though, I told him right at the start I could take or leave any of that stuff. I just like knowing where I stand, and when he goes on about how special its going to be, and he has something in mind and hes been praying for some money to arrive so he can do it, I kind of expected something to happen!

Thing is I don't think the romance phase does have to end, my dad brings my mum little gifts or flowers or whatnot for no reason, kissing her is the first thing he does when he comes home on an evening, they always hold hands when they are out, basically generally doting on one another. So no, I definitely don't accept that there is a romance phase to a relationship, I think if my parents can still be as loved up as teenagers despite everything 29 years later, I'm not about to settle for anything less.

It just feels like all we do is plan for the future, surely there should be some little high notes in the present. I know he'll be a great dad, I know he'd do that now if I'd let him, and I know we sing from the same hymn sheet and get on great in day to day, but day to day is really dreary when you have no money and sometimes you need a celebration.

I always put his needs above mine, and I know he does the same, but it does kind of mean I relly on him for treats and suprises etc. I haven't been on a day shopping with my mum for 3 years for example, every penny of the spends budget last month I gave to him so he could still buy little treats and go to the pub with the lads. And I don't mind that because it's usually worth it as he comes through for me when I need him. He just goes on about holding the romance crown, so I do kind of expect him to be romantic! We don't do valentines because it's crass commercialism, but this was our day, and it was really quite emotional for me cos 366 days ago I was in the darkest, worst place imaginable, financially up the creek without a paddle, and giving a statement to police because of how my ex got when I tried to leave. I kind of wanted to celebrate how far we'd come and how much things had changed since then.

It's just been a really bad time at work lately, its been stressfull taking care of the lads while mum has ofsted, I'm worried about them loosing the house trying to send brother to uni, I guess I was looking forward to a big date night together to celebrate, and he even cancelled the theatre which made me think something was planned, so I didn't even get a normal size date night!

I am very grateful for him, but I'm tired of life being work, worry, sleep, work.

Dinah93

Cinny91 wrote: »

'I thought you'd like it, I thought discounted flowers would be money saver!')

NIM used the moneysaving arguement too, but thing is you can only use the money saving arguement if you apply it to all areas of your life. Ignoring an anniversary then spending £40 on a night playing poker with the lads just doesn't balance in my head.

Cinny91 wrote: »

I think you should crack into the wedding saver, I'd rather have peace of mind than £350 stashed somewhere for something you can easily save for again when you need it.

Thing is we can't easily save it, how we'd ever save for a wedding as well as a house kind of beats me. At any rate NIM has told me flat we're not using that money. I've suggested we use the £420 in rent to go towards the bills and to give me a tiny spending budget for the month, rather than put it into the saver (where it was supposed to go) and leave that fund there. We're due about £650 from the prize bonds anyway, so not quite as much as we wanted to go into the saver, but might be a little higher as I think he's due 5 1/2 weeks pay not a months.

wendz86

Its fine Dinah, you are obviously having a bit of a stressful time. You are a very lucky girl though.

Although sometimes to us it seems impossible that we will ever be able to pay for a wedding and a house but people do it and we will all too. There is no point stressing yourself out over it.

Dinah93

I'm not willing to borrow to do it though, even if 'not all debt is bad' I don't want to go down that road again.

Just found a really nice house with a huge garden that needs doing up and we could add about 70k to the value. But we don't have a deposit so can't do it. Boo.

Dinah93

Just did the easiest MS ever - send an email, now wait 2 weeks to see if they reply!

NIM agrees to pay the rent money off my overdraft, which will mean I have almost no spends, but all the bills are covered, so we're happy enough.

Looking forward to the film tonight. Glad you lot were all brutal and I do apreciate how great he is most of the time, I guess I'm just pretty blue in general at the moment, and last night sort of caused it all to come to the surface.

Birdie85

Let us know how the film is tonight, I quite fancy seeing it!
I don't think I'll be able to get on here tomorrow; I'm out in the warehouse on some cruddy little computer working 6-2 as it is stock take- boo! At least I have next week off work to make up for it; although I checked my bank balance yesterday and I've got no money to actually do anything with! I really need to sort out my budget because I'm getting it all wrong!
Home in 15 minutes! It's so quiet in here today because we're essentially closed for said Stock Take but we can't go home early, how unfair! I've been entertaining myself my printing of loads of pretty papers for making cards, if I'd remembered to bring in some card blanks I could've made some too!

Dinah93

Load of new MS on GAP, just nabbed a few phone shops for NIM, there are various ones in your area too Birdie.

Cinny91

Hope you enjoy the film Dinah! Me and OH are off to see that tomorrow, and Year One. I'm loving the look of all the fun summery movies that are coming out, I've had more than enough of blood gore murder movies to last me a lifetime! Although I'm not expecting My Sisters Keeper to be all that happy.

Glad you're feeling a bit better though Dinah. We all have days like that, all the saving and not having many or any treats does get too you. If you could get a few more free treats, like the cinema, and have time to relax and forget about money for 90 minutes you'll feel so much better for it!

Right, off to make some oaty biscuits. I'm becoming a slave to To-do lists!