Does anyone here do 'tit-for-tat' money?

aliasojo

Just curious really, but I'm wondering if anyone has a 'like for like' kind of thing going on in their relationship?

By that, I mean if your OH for instance bought something costing a fiver...do you then feel it's fair if you have a fiver to spend too?

It crossed my mind this morning that if I had equalled everything my OH had spent on personal things over the years and had saved it instead of spending it, I would be loaded. :rolleyes: He'd be sat there with his pile of gadgets and possessions and I'd have enough saved to be on a beach in Hawaii. Of course in reality we dont do that, mostly because we couldn't afford to, but I'm wondering if anyone actually does?

I can just imagine the look on his face if he said to me...'I'm taking £30 out of the bank to buy an new xbox game today'......and I said 'Ok...take out £30 for me too please'. I'm thinking it might make him less keen to spend money and it would give me more.:rotfl:

I am commenting kinda tongue in cheek here, but maybe if we were more rigid and equal in our spending it would make us spend less in the long run. Does anyone work like this?

wendywitch

I know exactly where you're coming from.
When my husband lived with me things were like that. He thought he could spend what he liked, the thing was he wasn't working but I was! He didn't have anything coming in of his own as such but thought nothing of bidding on ebay all day while I was at work! :mad: - my account I'd like to add!!
Then he'd get the right hump if he sold something on ebay and I wanted part of the money towards bills.
When he finally did get a job (cleaning 2 hours a day, not what I call a job :mad:) and got paid he blew the lot of a cr*ppy jacket saying "I earned it I can spend it on what I want" :eek:
I mean excuse me have I not been earning and paying ALL the bills but I never brought stuff for myself!! :eek: :mad:
Well, that was one of the many reasons why we don't live together anymore, whether that makes me selfish or not (as he says) I don't care

I do have a problem spending money on just myself e.g clothes, shoes, books etc I feel very guilty and ashamed of myself. But I can easily buy stuff for my girls or for the house new cushions, bedding etc not that I have the money to do that anymore.

candice56

Hi A,

We dont work like that either but its as if youve read my mind wondering if I should equal it out, i often feel guilty if i buy myself something (not very often) but DH will come home with 'lead' for this or a 'bit' for that as well as of course the games :rolleyes:.

He would not spend it if he told me first and I said 'do we really need it' but his mind def doesnt work like that, lol. Might start keeping an eye and doing as you said putting equal amount aside - shame i dont think there will be an equal amount spare but then since bumps appeared we've both been super stingy anyway

MrsTinks

Mmmmm nope But then despite being married we still have our own finances etc Don't get me wrong if one of us is short the other will pay or give money and there is never any questions asked - what's his is mine and what's mine is his but more often than not I am the one with spare money as DH pays the mortgage and has more debts than me And I'm just naturally a better saver than him
Only reason we have seperate finances btw is that we haven't got round to doing a joint account LOL So sheer lazyness

At the moment I'm scrimping everything together for seeing us through maternity leave - but Dh is putting his bonus in there too (about £3-4000... IF he gets it... he should but there are never any guarantees sadly ) I was expecting him to put in half but he just wants a couple of hundred quid to spend on himself and then wants the rest to go in the baby fund...

Out of the two of us he is the one more likely to spend money on stuff though - but in his defence he always uses what he buys like games etc - and he knows if it sits idle too long I will Ebay it

aliasojo

Lol....maybe I should start this method in an effort to do some research then?

Dont get me wrong, we dont have regular disagreements over our finances and all our bills etc get paid before anyone spends anything but if one partner is naturally attracted to 'things' more than the other, then that could be cause for discussion in itself.

Where would you draw the line though? If one wanted a Kickers sweatshirt whilst the other was happy with a Primark special......would the Primark person be entitled to the difference in cost between the 2? :rotfl: Methinks spending equality is fraught with problems.

Also this really only becomes a question for those who share all their finances jointly. If you have separate income then the question is pretty moot really as you'd taking from your own pot for your own things anyway.

alanalea

Hubby and I have joint finances- he works and I'm the homemaker so everything goes in & out one pot.
He smokes (and has done since before we've met), I don't.

I made a point last year that every time he bought a new packet of tobacco, I took exactly the same amount of money (approx £20 pw) and squirrelled it. 6 months later I showed him over £500 of notes I'd saved & took myself and our daughter shopping and to Alton Towers for a couple of days.

Since then he's cut down to about £10pw :T (Still not moneysaving, but it's his one luxury )

gymfiend

In our house we stick a fairly equal amount of cash into the 'house' pot to cover house, bills etc, I then pay for our gym membership and car loan. We have around about the same amount left each month and spend as we like. Whoever has money one week buys shopping, clothes etc.

On the other hand, my brother and his girlfriend split everything down the middle. One spend £6 on washing powder and a bag of salad, the other has to hand over £3. Very strange I think!

Nikkisun

In our house all the money goes into one big pot, once the bills etc are paid whatever's left is divided equally and that's our money to do what we want with. That way we've both got the same amount of money and it means I don't care what he blows his on!!

Kandipandi

I would suggest that if you did feel the need to equal things out then do it properly. Have a joint account just for the shared bills /debt /mortgage /utilities and each person pays equally into that, then what is left is yours or your OH's and is to be spent on whatever they choose.
The problem with this of course if that one of the partners may not be earning.
My DH and I both work full time and we only have 1 joint current account. All wages go in, all debts/bills go out and what is left after savings (for christmas/holidays/emergencies) can be spent by either of us on whatever we need/want as long as we can afford it.

One month my DH wanted to renew his fishing licence and his rod licence which was a bit costly, so I just made sure that we had that money available i.e. I didnt spend anything.
And that works well for us - both very relaxed about money, if we have any to spare spend it however we like (or whoever gets to it first :rolleyes:).

jwc999blue

All money goes into the same pot for us, I earn 3x what my partner earns but we are a partnership, I dont complain when she spends £80+ on her hair every 6 weeks & she doesn't complain when I spend money on gadgets etc, as long as the bills are paid & we have savings for luxuries like getting married in Fiji everything is fine:j

squirrelchops

Hi, I think it is also about the 'instant gratification' attitude so many people in this society have today. The 'I want it now' or 'I should have it as everyone else has' way of thinking.

Before I or OH buy 'stuff' that isnt essential we both think 'do i really need this' rather than 'I have some ££ in the bank so i am going to have it'. For example there are many occassions OH or I see something we fancy buying but we weigh it up first. At the moment it coimes down to £££ obviously but also time...do we have the time to get use or wear out of whatever it is we fancy.

My grandparents built their own house...as in brick by brick literally. They would get their pay each week and buy a few more bricks and built it like that. Can you imagine people doing that nowadays...no because borrowing money is so easy. You want a house you go out and buy it. No kind of thinking about doing it slowly or accepting that sometimes we have to wait a long time for what we want. (yes i know some people save ££ deposits etc but there are many who dive straight in and into thousands of debt all because 'they want it NOW')