I just dont know where it all went wrong

BillsBillsBills_2

we've got one!
Thats why I really cant work out whats going on!

He shouldnt be putting anything on the credit card, least of all petrol and his lunch shopping, it just means he's done something with the money in his current account if he's not got it in there to pay for those things from there, but I dont have access to his current account to be able to figure that out!

Blackpool_Saver

BillsBillsBills wrote: »

I dont have access to his current account to be able to figure that out!

What ?????? it's a good job he doesn't live with me, he would get a dose of reality very fast.

Ever thought what he might be up to with the current a/c you can't see into?? gambling? a bit on the side? sorry but really you are bending over backwards and he just spends and spends and you don't have access....oh boy.

((HUGS)))

BillsBillsBills_2

If I asked to see it, he would log in to it, and let me.
What I mean is I dont know the passwords and account number to just access it at whim...

I dont think he's up to anything untoward. He's a loving guy, and is fantastic with me, he's just not that great with money. It comes a lot from his family who have just never taken responsibility for anything in their lives and thats the environment he's been bought up in, they live their entire lives on credit, and actually "wouldnt" have it any other way.... which to me is just shameful.

As a husband (bar this issue) he is everything, but perhaps I have protected him a little bit too much, and taken control over it for fear of what could possibly go wrong, maybe he'll surprise me, and do everything and then some, if I just give him some more responsibility.....

He doesnt gamble and doesn't cheat on me either....

I'll just ask him for his password and ask him to sit down with me, and we'll have to review the budget because its obviously not working.... and so we just need to work out one that will, together..... and if he's not onboard with it, then he is offboard, him and his 20k debt!

Elsas_mamma

HI,
Time to get tough.
You need to tell him it is time he took responsibility for his debts. Give them back to him, make him responsible for paying them out of his account. Don't let him have a credit card, unless that comes out of his money too. He will soon see how much he can and cannot spend!!! I don't see why you should be paying for his debts from before you were together
I know it will be hard, but he really does need to learn. If it does not happen now, it may never.
My OH has only this week had his LBM! It has taken me months to get him to understand. Our debts are all joint, so a bit different from your situation, but it is so much better now he is onboard.
Good luck
K

BillsBillsBills_2

Elsas_mamma wrote: »

HI,
Time to get tough.
You need to tell him it is time he took responsibility for his debts. Give them back to him, make him responsible for paying them out of his account. Don't let him have a credit card, unless that comes out of his money too. He will soon see how much he can and cannot spend!!! I don't see why you should be paying for his debts from before you were together
I know it will be hard, but he really does need to learn. If it does not happen now, it may never.
My OH has only this week had his LBM! It has taken me months to get him to understand. Our debts are all joint, so a bit different from your situation, but it is so much better now he is onboard.
Good luck
K

Congrats on your OH having his lightbulb moment.... I've fed mine and ready to crack on and flick the switch with mine :A

bandraoi

One thing strikes me, you need to get your husband involved with the food purchase, planning and preparation.

He's buying expensive crap food for lunch and if he doesn't like what's in he goes out and spends money on other food. He's more likely to eat home cooked food if he chooses it in advance and also if he cooks it himself or you both cook it together. Maybe it's something to start small with though, a night a week, or spend money saved on beer instead.

The other thing is this operation. I'm guessing that's eye surgery for something like the police, the fire service or the army. With some of those jobs your credit record is checked and a bankruptcy could prevent you from getting them or lose you the job once you have it. It might be worth looking into, and using that as a motivational tool.

BillsBillsBills_2

Thanks, and yes you were spot on with the surgery and job mentionned.

I dont think I would ever let him declare bankruptcy, unless something significant happened, just as a matter of principle for us both really.

We've started chatting about it tonight, and he's agreed to spend some time on sunday literally going through everything, so hopefully when its black and white, and when I divide up the household bills I'm hoping it will shock him into appreciating exactly what I've been doing, and also why!

bandraoi

• The financial position of applicants who wish to join the organisation should always be checked with regard to any debt areas or court orders. This information should be compared against the financial declarations being made by new officers on their application forms.

from http://www.insolvencyhelpline.co.uk/debt_advice_for_police_officers/index.php

I would suggest that before you sit down on Sunday, do a little digging into the financial investigations carried out in the application process for his dream job. You may be able to scare him straight.

angelicmary85

Hi BBB,

I've been reading your through your thread...are you sure you're a married couple?!! I'm not meaning to be rude or nasty as what you posted about him being loving and stuff is great and you've done the right thing getting help and support from MSE but I have to say that I'm not married but do live my OH and every month he transfers his whole wage (bar £5 I let him have for a magazine ) to our joint bill account. Although I have the passwords and his username, I never look at his current account as he's open and honest as the day is long about what is in there. We both take a packed lunch to work and quite frankly, he understands that he has to eat what he is given!!

RAS

Hi

You may be gettign somewhere but do go to the snowball at www.whatsthecost.com and run off the examples, because this tells him how long it will take to pay off the debts at the current minimum rate and how much interes t he will have to pay back. Then set it up to pay back an extra £10 on each of the most expensive debts and see what happens. let him look at those figures.

As for his chosen career, like everyone else he needs to realise that jobs in those areas have been cut as well and that he will have to be one of the best candidates to pass the selection process, not just pass it, in the current climate. They look very closely at personality as well as the obvious factors and those who make their own rules up tend not to be selected.

if you are feeling like it read ladybez's thread sometime as well.