I just dont know where it all went wrong

Lucie_2

BillsBillsBills wrote: »

So I get the bill to pay this £200 off of it, only to find that the bill is a WHOPPING £2273.51!!!

AND I JUST DONT KNOW HOW!?
This is the march statement and it says that the balance brought forward from the previous month was £1810!

BBB

Are there transactions listed on the bill? Where has he been spending the money, and on what - day to day living expenses or luxuries?

There could always be the explanation that some unscrupulous person has got hold of the card & used it fraudulently.......That could even be your approach when you discuss it with him??

Good luck

tiff

BillsBillsBills wrote: »

To be honest, he's aware already!
I really am happy to work through it together, like a joint project almost :rotfl:but I just dont want to be the only person doing it.... or be painted as the tightwad one who is always saying no...

There are plenty of things I have as dreams but I cant go one step toward achieving until these debts are clear.....

You want to work through it together, but he doesnt so you need to split your finances from his and clear yours on your own. Thats what I would do anyway.

BillsBillsBills_2

Lucie wrote: »

BBB

Are there transactions listed on the bill? Where has he been spending the money, and on what - day to day living expenses or luxuries?

There could always be the explanation that some unscrupulous person has got hold of the card Yeah him! :rotfl:& used it fraudulently.......That could even be your approach when you discuss it with him??

Good luck

There are a few transactions on this bill, £200 for white goods, which I knew about, theres a few charges to Asda for food, a couple for petrol, some to his place of work, one for what I think was my birthday present, which now just makes me feel bad about my present... I dont want it bought on debt, I'd rather have nothing...

Jesthar

Oh, honey - what a nightmare!

Your hubbie NEEDS to get his head round the fact that credit cards aren't free money. Personally, I reckon you should take the scissors to his credit card if you yourself have cards you can use (but he can't) in a emergency, as he obviously doesn't think twice before using it, and that is going to cause both of you a lot of heartache if it remains out of control.

Either which way, he can't afford to live in a dream world - what happens if he doesn't get his dream job? What happens if, for some reason, you can no longer support him financially?

Tell you what, how about doing TWO SOAs - one for you and all your income, expenditure and debts, and one for him? Maybe seeing a big, fat negative number at the bottom will frighten him into action...

Personally, I reckon Claire has a good approach for if persuading hi to take action fail - make him pay you ALL his money, cut up all his credit cards, and give him a set amount of 'pocket money' a month...

*hugs*

~Jes

claire1234

no probs

first time i did online shopping was jan this year, it was brill - no waste! mine has a really bad eating pattern but i just buy the shopping and tell him its tuff im not buying anything till next month lol!

ah i must be really mean lol, my fella has no money what so ever - i have all his bank cards aswell, so i know he cannot spend a penny.

i know what you mean about it all building up, it always feels like the focus of our life but i come on here and look at my signature and think its worth it,

i think sometimes he appriciates it b`cos i booked a £9 travelodge holiday spent no more than £150 (hotel + food + treats) and he loved it, also been doing the house up but very cheap which he is quite amazed with.

i hope all the nagging will pay off in the end

BillsBillsBills_2

I've found one of the credit cards, so I'm going to be hiding that!

I just feel really emotionally overwhelmed, and about ready to burst...
I dont want a row about it, but I just want to get it together and get ourselves sorted....

And if a couple of months with no treats etc is how it needs to be just to get into good habits then I'm all for it, I just cant understand why he isnt!

RAS

BBB

Until he sees that he has not got enough money to pay his debts, he is not going to change.

You are enabling him to live a fantasy that it will be OK, so you need to bring him up short and fast. At the moment you and mum have already taken on debt of £7,500 which I seriously doubt he is ever going to repay. I am very worried that when he has wrung you both dry,m he will just walk, preferably after getting you to take on even more of his debts. Sorry, but we see hordes of posters, men and women to who this has happened.

You must stop sorting out his debt. He is a grown up after all.

I know you have these idealistic ideas about how marriage should work, but if you want that, you need to marry someone who shares those ideals, and he does not.

Tell him if he can demonstrate that he has things under control, you will reconsider the your situation in 6 months.

claire1234

maybe to save a row you could write everything down,

everything from the amount of debt / total incoming / time it will take to get rid of debt,
all stuff like that then leave it for him to find while you out with a letter of how much it means to you.

my fella is always out of bed before me so if i leave a letter next to the kettle he`ll defo find it . . . first place he goes lol!

BillsBillsBills_2

thanks claire, I might just try that letter idea...

It can only make zero difference at worst.....

I think a cuppa is in order for now though till he comes home from work...

jayss

He's putting everyday costs on his ccard which is worrying, you both need to work out a joint budget that is doable without increasing the debt.