I just dont know where it all went wrong

BillsBillsBills_2

RAS wrote: »

Hi love.

You need a bit of tough love. He simply does not have the incoem required to pay for luch. He needs to make pack ups and take them in.

Which debts are his ?

I am going to post a couple of links in a mo.
QUOTE]

He does go to Asda and buy the items to make his pack ups for work, but again he's not exactly doing cheap options to do this, but he just wont listen to me when I ask him to do things any cheaper!

he buys each week:
5 x rustlers microwave chicken burgers @ £1 each
9 x twix @ £1 for the multipack
9 x timeout @ £1 as above
6 x crunch corner £2.96 for multipack (unless on offer)
12 x crisps @ £1 per multipack (6 in a bag average)(whats on offer)

So thats £15 a week on lunch.....and he just eats crap!!!!

BillsBillsBills_2

RAS wrote: »

So he is paying out about £100 per month for the car and the car loan is £147. That is a massive amount of youre disposabale income for something you do not even NEED.

I know!!!!
I've had that conversation with him

All he says is that noone is buying cars blah blah blah....
His insurance is pretty high due to points on his license.
I want him to sell it, because with my job when I have passed my own driving test I get a company car, so we can just use that!

But even with that as a spur, he just drags his heels.....
We dont really use the car that much, as he cycles to work, I get a lift with a colleague currently, but then he travels to see old work colleagues who are a 50 mile round trip once a month so that is a chunk of petrol just there...

RAS

Abbey Zero.....................2066......46.49.....19.9 MINE
Intelligent Finance............1767......29.3......19.9 MINE
Abbey MBNA.....................2995......75.68.....17.9 In my name but his debt (was a BT from another card)

Sadly all three are legally your liability and the chance are that he will not get round to repaying the BT

So about £6750 is you debt at a cost of £151.50

Mum............................4500......0........ .0

Whose mum?

You split the household expenses £585 from him, the rest from you.

You then pay off your debts, including the BT.

Whenceforth he is entirely responsible for paying the whole of his debt off. Since he does not have £475 income to do this, suddenly everything is not OK, because it is not being paid off every month.

Suggest he then speaks to a debt charitiy and does a Debt management plan.

In the mea-time put your effort into clearing your debts, most expensive first.

gettingbetter

hi
if it was me
not saying its the right thing to do
i would put an add in the local paper
and if it goes it goes
if he his not going to pull
his finger out and behave like
an adult treat him like a 2 yr old

he will soon learn

kas xx

RAS

RAS wrote: »

Sadly all three are legally your liability and the chance are that he will not get round to repaying the BT

So about £6750 is you debt at a cost of £151.50

Mum............................4500......0........ .0

Whose mum?

You split the household expenses £585 from him, the rest from you.

You then pay off your debts, including the BT.

Whenceforth he is entirely responsible for paying the whole of his debt off. Since he does not have £475 income to do this, suddenly everything is not OK, because it is not being paid off every month.

Suggest he then speaks to a debt charitiy and does a Debt management plan.

In the mea-time put your effort into clearing your debts, most expensive first.

Actually got that wrong. take out the car.

£535 per month from him and he sorts the car and his debts.

Schwade

BillsBillsBills wrote: »

I know!!!!
I've had that conversation with him

All he says is that noone is buying cars blah blah blah....
His insurance is pretty high due to points on his license.
I want him to sell it, because with my job when I have passed my own driving test I get a company car, so we can just use that!

But even with that as a spur, he just drags his heels.....
We dont really use the car that much, as he cycles to work, I get a lift with a colleague currently, but then he travels to see old work colleagues who are a 50 mile round trip once a month so that is a chunk of petrol just there...

BBB, if he is not listening, show him this thread and let him see how people are thinking of him and how other people (not even related to you) is supporting you MORE THAN him.

BillsBillsBills_2

ive shown him the maths of an equal split in the household bills..... but his line is "well I can only pay what ive got"....so basically if he hasnt got the money to pay it, he simply wont pay it....

The hard thing is I know what everyone is saying to me, I know you're right, he knows I'm right but he just wont accept that I'm right and change, and I dont know what else to do.
I married him for better for worse, and I'm all for doing this together, but I just dont feel like it is "together" at the moment.

I'm not saying I'm perfect, I've spent money, I've still got debts, but I want them paid, and try to make little savings where I can to make little extra payments where I can....

the £4500 is money he owes my mum. Basically he had an operation done so that he could get his dream job (otherwise he would have been rejected) so now he is now waiting for said dream job to recruit so he can apply, get in there and earn more money, which he is more than capable of, and the increase in wage will be significant.... but I just feel sometimes like everything is geared toward him achieving his dream job, and everything will be taken care of when that happens..... but I'm more of the "if it happens".... and I hate not having a right here right now plan for tackling the debt...

claire1234

hiya,

when i met my OH i wasnt aware of all his debt, he handed over all his bank stuff and told me to handle it all as he doesnt want to know -- he had several credit cards up to the limit so we went out and got a loan to clear all these so i could strighted out his finances,

after that every weekend he again used credit cards for anything, now this was between £200 - £500 each weekend (usually £250 off a couple of cards)
like your fella he would say " they get paid dont they" or "i`ll get some money"
it was left to me to sort out the mail try to find enough money etc.
i could feel myself having a breakdown and i went though a state of hiding the letters - anywhere from under the mattress to behind the wardrobes,
when there was no money left to spend he would take it out on me cos he coudnt spend.

a couple of months back i presented him with 2 bin bags full of un-opened bills / debt collectors / final warnings etc and our SOA off this site & told him i am to be in charge of every last penny we have.

you can see in my signature the credit cards and one loan is slowly going down, after that there is his csa arrears and another loan.
i do tesco shopping online so if he needs something for work there is plenty in and petrol i do once a month and tell him to make it last,

i suppose what im trying to say is one person needs to do the finances, if your OH isnt going to be supportive of getting rid of the debt let him do his own -- make sure he gives you his share of household bills then all of the debt he has created he must pay himself,

think about yourself before you feel to much pressure,
good luck.

BillsBillsBills_2

Schwade wrote: »

BBB, if he is not listening, show him this thread and let him see how people are thinking of him and how other people (not even related to you) is supporting you MORE THAN him.

To be honest, he's aware already!
I really am happy to work through it together, like a joint project almost :rotfl:but I just dont want to be the only person doing it.... or be painted as the tightwad one who is always saying no...

There are plenty of things I have as dreams but I cant go one step toward achieving until these debts are clear.....

BillsBillsBills_2

claire1234 wrote: »

hiya,

when i met my OH i wasnt aware of all his debt, he handed over all his bank stuff and told me to handle it all as he doesnt want to know -- he had several credit cards up to the limit so we went out and got a loan to clear all these so i could strighted out his finances,

after that every weekend he again used credit cards for anything, now this was between £200 - £500 each weekend (usually £250 off a couple of cards)
like your fella he would say " they get paid dont they" or "i`ll get some money"
it was left to me to sort out the mail try to find enough money etc.
i could feel myself having a breakdown and i went though a state of hiding the letters - anywhere from under the mattress to behind the wardrobes,
when there was no money left to spend he would take it out on me cos he coudnt spend.

a couple of months back i presented him with 2 bin bags full of un-opened bills / debt collectors / final warnings etc and our SOA off this site & told him i am to be in charge of every last penny we have.

you can see in my signature the credit cards and one loan is slowly going down, after that there is his csa arrears and another loan.
i do tesco shopping online so if he needs something for work there is plenty in and petrol i do once a month and tell him to make it last,

i suppose what im trying to say is one person needs to do the finances, if your OH isnt going to be supportive of getting rid of the debt let him do his own -- make sure he gives you his share of household bills then all of the debt he has created he must pay himself,

think about yourself before you feel to much pressure,
good luck.

Thanks for sharing your story Claire....

I do our food shop online already, try to meal plan as best I can, use offers, vouchers etc.
He's got a dreadful eating pattern (I mean mines not great, but significantly better than his), and if theres nothing in that he "wants", then he'll go out and buy it....

I know that he has increased his overdraft limit as well in the past couple of months because he didnt have enough to cover bills that were coming out, as he had spent too much..... but he didnt then spend less the next month and put the limit back down...

I can just feel it all building and building and I dont want this to be the focus of our first few years of married life, arguing about money.... but I also dont want to spend the rest of my married life trying to catch up and get things paid....