Taking my finger off the self-destruct button

EssexHebridean

I've only just caught up with your news Wordsmith - I am so sorry to hear about your Mum's death - as others have said it's impossible to begin to know how you're feeling but I hope you and your family are coping OK.

Wordsmith

I have come back. I haven’t actually been anywhere, but I haven’t so much as looked at this wonderful site since I returned home from my Mum’s funeral. I don’t know why – the two things are not connected. Anyway, rather than go into any analysis I will give my lists of pluses and minuses over the last six months (I did think about starting a new diary, but the gap is part of the “journey”, so I have decided to stay with it).


Pluses

• I have kept up the debt busting in similar vein as before – although I confess to failing miserably with the no chocolate goal.
• I have kept up repayments (except for a few weeks) for loan from friend and have now paid off nearly £3000. :j
• I have lots of work still, and am truly thankful for it.
• I have found a lovely new accountant. I was a tad disconcerted when his wife let me into the house and I found him sitting on a foot-high stool in front of a blackboard and easel being taught sums by a five-year-old, but she seems to have taught him well.
• I have got my accounts up to date to the end of 2008. The downside, of course, is the tax and PRSI (equivalent of NIC) that I now have to pay.

Unpluses

There have been some teeny, tiny steps forward, but for each one there seems to have been a giant step back.

• My car got stolen (general disbelief from everyone: “Who’d want to steal that. Are you sure you haven’t just forgotten where you parked it?”).
• My car was found a week later. You are thinking this should be in the pluses, but it was mighty inconvenient having it stolen and I had to run around giving statements, changing insurance to a friend’s car (untested and untaxed, but bless her for lending it to me), and so on. My heap was found a long way away, which would have meant taking a half day off work to collect it, and getting someone to take me and finding a suitable time for doing so – in the meantime, I was being charged a daily fee for having it stored and as it needed a lot of work to get it through its test, it seemed the best course of action was to have it scrapped – which cost me a hundred euros! Then I had to come to England to pick up a car that a friend had very kindly said I could have for nothing - thank God for friends (just had to get £400-worth of work done on it and an MOT), and then I had trouble getting reinsured (long story – very expensive). And I couldn’t even claim on my insurance because it had been found.
• One of my new charity shop skirst and my beloved off-road Crocs were in the car when it was stolen. It was worse losing these than it was the car.
• I have two more mouths to feed (a plus really - but I have to pretend to be cross at having to spend more). I have acquired – on separate occasions and I am not entirely sure how – two cats. One is an adult and has had to have an eye removed (“How will you know whether he is coming or going?” I was asked) and the other is a youngster. At the moment they are office cats, and the little one is no respecter of orderliness. Whenever I walk in I have to double-check everything to make sure that it is just the cats playing and I haven’t been burgled. I have to shut them out when I am working as they drive me mad, walking over my keyboard, trying to catch the cursor on the screen, batting my pens on the floor …
• My lovely mutt got run over. She is fine now, but I had a few scary days when she was very poorly. I won’t go into details of the vet’s bill …
• I still have a mountain of bills to pay. Every time the mountain reduces to a hill, more arrive to grow it to a mountain again.
• Mr O’Leary is removing my flight from my local airport. This means an extra couple of hours to get to the next airport and, because of the flight times and as they don’t have them every day, probably an extra day off working for my visits to my Dad.

Plans

• To get my 2009 accounts up to date.
• To move out of my office to save on rent. I still can’t work from home because of the blessed broadband problem, but lovely boss at the shop has said I can use a room there. I could have done this a long time ago, and you will wonder why I didn’t, but I have massive reservations about working there as well as having to give up some of the advantages of the office. However, in order to try to save money, I can’t come up with a better solution. He has said that I don’t need to pay any rent. I don’t feel entirely comfortable with this, so if I don’t actually hand over any cash I will do work for him for nothing – there is always plenty to do that no one has time for. There will be some expenditure in moving – I have to get broadband to the shop, for a start, but after the initial outlay it should save me quite a bit in the long run.
• Renew efforts to lose weight. Sigh.
• Get my stuff out of storage and over to Ireland. The reason I haven’t done this yet is because of the big bill all in one go. It has cost me a fortune to keep the stuff stored and I could have saved all that by one payout to move it – but it is finding the money for this one payout. I did have it all organised for a reasonable fee, but the people who said they would do it are now ignoring my calls and so I have to start again. The storage company, through “a clerical error”, took a big wad of money off my credit card without my authorisation, as well as banking a cheque I had sent them. I was so incensed I couldn’t even trust myself to contact them about it – it caused me massive inconvenience at the time, but at least I am paid up a bit in advance so haven’t had to worry about paying them recently.
• Get over to my hovel and tidy things up there – it is looking messy and sorry for itself.

My Dad is OK-ish. He has been very poorly and I haven’t been able to see him as often as I would like. Actually, I just want to move back to England to see him as much as I can. Last time I was over, there was a bug at the home and they weren’t admitting visitors. They did let me see him, but it was just the once rather than the three or four times I would normally go in. A long way to go for one visit, but worth it just to see him. It is sooooo hard coming back home after visits.

A long post, I know (no change there, then), but to end I will give an update on Paddy. He failed his driving test two more times. The second time I think the examiner was rather rude to him and he has decided not to take the test any more, but just to drive round on his own with an L-plate. He was worried about not getting his “usual” examiner as the new one wouldn’t know what he was capable of. I didn’t bother explaining that you have to do everything right all within the same test. Anyway, he did get a new examiner (visions of usual one a quivering wreck hiding under his desk and begging someone else to go out) and now the test centre can breathe a collective sigh of relief – although perhaps not those of us who live nearby. However, Paddy did leave the shop one day with a packet of sugar upright on the edge of the roof of his car and he drove four miles on hilly, windy roads, and it was still upright on the edge of the roof of his car when he got to his destination. He said that he’d seen several people waving at him, but once he’d started on his journey he wasn’t going to stop to see what the problem was.

I hope everyone else is well. Now I’m back, I must catch up. But not right now because I have to get some work in the post. I am feeling a bit jaded as I haven’t had a day off work since I got back from my Christmas visit – except one manic visit back to England to see Dad. And before Christmas I hadn’t had a day off since Mum’s funeral in August. Still, I did get some time over Christmas, which was just wonderful.

hypno06

Welcome back x

Wordsmith

Thanks, Hypno. I have partially caught up on your diary. So sorry you have been having a bum time. I am not fully up to date yet, but I hope you are doing OK. It will take time, but, having been there and done that, I promise it will get better, and you will be all the stronger for coming out the other side. In my darkest moments - every night, actually, for the duration - I recited this poem. It's actually a hymn, but reads beautifully, I think, as a poem. Even people who are not religious I think can get strength from it - well, I certainly did. Sometimes I didn't believe the words, but I said them anyway and gradually regained hope. It still moves me to tears now, which isn't very strengthening or helpful, but I am putting it here anyway in the hope that you will get some comfort from it. You are strong and resourceful, though - you will be fine. Good luck.

In heavenly Love abiding,
No change my heart shall fear;
And safe is such confiding,
For nothing changes here.
The storm may roar without me,
My heart may low be laid;
But God is round about me,
And can I be dismayed?

Wherever He may guide me,
No want shall turn me back;
My Shepherd is beside me,
And nothing can I lack.
His wisdom ever waketh,
His sight is never dim;
He knows the way He taketh,
And I will walk with Him.

Green pastures are before me,
Which yet I have not seen;
Bright skies will soon be o'er me,
Where darkest clouds have been.
My hope I cannot measure,
My path in life is free;
My Father has my treasure,
And He will walk with me.

EssexHebridean

Good to see you back Wordsmith.

Horace

Its great to see you back Wordsmith - your tale of Paddy has had me in stitches and a goodly coughing fit (I have laryngitis). You will be pleased to know that the Self Employment thread that you started is still going strong and has been moved to the diary board.

Things are getting better and I have been asked to be a UK agent for a gay wedding business in Gran Canaria and although I was over there last week, didnt get a chance to have a chat due to other weddings and the stress the owner had over organising his own wedding - which was fab..so watch this space.

Keep your chin up..and keep moving forward.:D

elfen

Hello from a fellow writer and mass chocaholic. Have read your diary and wanted to scream with laughter at Paddy and his tales of the driving test. Just wanted to welcome you back.

Seaxwyn

Hooray she's back!! Glad to see that your sense of humour is intact despite all the Unpluses.

Why not actually move back to England and be near your dad?

hypno06

Thank you for those lovely words.......we'll get there!!

poorbutrich

HI Wordsmith
I have often wondered you were getting on and am so pleased to see you posting again. Sorry to hear about the "unpluses" but hope that 2010 will be your year (and Paddy's!).
Also hope your dad is ok - like Seaxwyn says, is there any chance of your moving back to be near him? Real shame about the flights being removed - what a pain.

Good luck on the office move - am sure that this solution will work out best in the end and will save you some cash!

Look forward to hearing your updates. Look after yourself
pbr
xx