Taking my finger off the self-destruct button

Wordsmith

I am starting a diary in the [STRIKE]hope [/STRIKE]expectation that I can nudge things forward, as so far every time I take one step forward something happens and I end up taking two, or more, back.

I am a woman of a “certain age” with a dog, debts and an unsteady income. I have made some fairly disastrous decisions, listened too often to “advice” that helped me not a jot, done what I think I “should” and not done what I’ve wanted. Change is on the cards. (Cue trumpet fanfare.)

My debts are a result of mis-managing money and making some wrong financial decisions. I have never been spendthrift, but up until recently neither have I been careful. I have a property in the UK that I let out (should have sold two years ago) and a hovel on the west coast of Ireland that I sort of live next to (can’t live in as it has no roof, or doors, or windows, or floors, or sanitation). I am self-employed (I do a number of different things, which I have always thought of as “Jill of all trades but mistress of none”, but have found from the self-employed thread that this is called a very respectable “portfolio working”), but not nearly business-minded enough. I am mainly a writer/editor/proofreader, but I also do bookkeeping and admin work, a bit of web site design and maintenance, and computer tutoring.

Why am I doing this (becoming a new person)? Because I am fed up with being broke. I want a donkey and a goat, but can't afford the time or money for them. Because when I was in England recently my sister let me share her hotel room (I couldn't afford one) and it had a full-length mirror in it that I couldn't avoid. :eek: It is a long time since I looked in a mirror and the image I have in my mind of what I look like was a far cry from what I could see in that fair-ground mirror. Because when I travelled I could fit my entire wardrobe into my cabin baggage and still have space. Because I want to give money to charity and friends rather than need every cent to pay the next bill. Because I see life slipping by with nothing of note to be proud of.

So, long-term my plans are:

Business:

• get more, and better paying, clients
• run my business properly
• do my accounts and keep them up to date
• finish my web site
• make headway on the projects that I would love to be making money at but keep putting off because someone is paying me to do something else
• prioritise better

House:

• do what I can to make it a nicer place to be – a roof isn’t on the cards at the moment, but there’s plenty of tidying and gardening to work away at – I’m not lazy, but I need someone around to tell me what to do as the practical genes overslept and missed the bus when I was born … and there is no one around to tell me what to do (the dog tells me, but “Play ball, now” doesn’t get the work done)
• aim to make a few improvements to the English house so it is sellable

Life:

• reconnect and keep in touch with good friends I have left behind as they are lovely and there is no reason why I am so reluctant to contact them (this raises the uncomfortable question of why I left in the first place)
• get fitter and lose weight – I used to be fairly fit and slim … what happened, and when did it happen?
• try to take more pride in my appearance
• get some kind of social life and stop being so reclusive
• get the blood tests done that the doctor told me to have done six months ago
• get birds and a goat and a donkey …
• stop having evil thoughts and just be nicer
• stop saying “but” – “I would have done this, but …”, “I could have done that, but …”, “If only I had done the other, but …”

Get debt free. Scary, scary, scary. (I’m not owning up to what they are yet.)

A tall order, but if I chip away I can do it. Clears throat and says more assertively: I can do it. Sometimes I need a kick up the backside, though. As an example of what I am up against, I decided last week that I would start a diary, but (sorry) in that time I have been “too busy” and “too tired” to think about it, and instead of not eating chocolate I have thought “I will stop when I start my diary and I am accountable” and then had an extra bar because soon I won’t be having any.

So, journey started! Please call in and yell at me from time to time – there’s no need to read the drivel, just skip to the end and shout. Please.

Forgot to say, I tend to ramble on – I can type as fast as I can think and I can think faster than I can edit.

Head-Out-Of-Sand

Hey Wordsmith!! :hello:

Welcome to the forum and well done on starting your debt-free diary!!

When you feel up to it, why not post an SOA http://www.makesenseofcards.com/soacalc.html people can then look through and suggest areas you might be able to save on.

Will check back on your diary to see how you're getting on, best of luck!!!

In the immortal words of Yaz, the only way is up!!! (Baybeh...)

moo2moo

Hello!

We bought a house like that. Its been a very very steep learning curve but slate roofing is far far easier than almost anything else we've done and very therapeutic and much cheaper than I expected.

Goats would help clear up your garden enormously but they're great escapologists.

Would type more but I'm late for work again (a daily occurance).

Good luck!

Wordsmith

Thanks for hellos.

HOOS - I know an SOA would be a good idea. I will do one at some point, but (sorry) at the moment there are a few complications that mean it is difficult to do one with any accuracy. I have done one for myself (eek!), so I have a fairly good idea of what's going on, but (urgh) not many ideas on how to save even more. I will ask for advice as necessary, though.

moo2moo - I look forward to hearing more about how you have worked on your house. Do you have a diary? I will search. I can't have goats yet as, although I have enough land, it is not fenced and to get an enclosure sturdy enough would cost too much. The same goes for getting hens, as I need very protective fencing as I live near forests where pine martins live.

Today's tasks:

• [STRIKE]check all online banking[/STRIKE] Done - no large amounts paid in by anonymous benefactors (sigh)
• [STRIKE]pay cheque into bank (hurrah)[/STRIKE] Done (double hurrah)
• [STRIKE]pay cash into bank to pay bills[/STRIKE] Done
• [STRIKE]pay bills to: ISP and advertising mag[/STRIKE] Done
• [STRIKE]send cheque to house valuer[/STRIKE] Done
• pay £50 to friend who lent me an interest-free sum when I moved - not done; transferred money to UK account so will pay on Friday
• [STRIKE]finish small editing job so I can (at last) get it in the post[/STRIKE] Done - very many hurrahs
• sort out newspaper returns for shop I do admin for - do tomorrow
• [STRIKE]print out new book to proofread[/STRIKE] Done
• [STRIKE]start proofreading said book[/STRIKE] Started, but not got as far as I'd have liked
• [STRIKE]take dog for walk[/STRIKE] Done - bit rainy, but we avoided the worst
• [STRIKE]do washing-up[/STRIKE] Done
• [STRIKE]post question on house letting forum re my tenants wanting to take up the floor because they think there is a dead rat decomposing there :eek: (another bill, on top of the £1000 for roof repairs):([/STRIKE] Done

So, best get going ... Hope everyone else's day is good.

beanielou

Happy shiney new diary
Keep posting !

Wordsmith

Well, got a fair amount of work done today - not everything I wanted to (par for the course).

On the plus side, I got my editing job in the post, I got some free exercise and a break from work by taking the dog for a walk (went round lanes to save on petrol to drive to beach), and I found 20c in the street.

On the unplus side, tenants have removed skirting and some of the floor and still can't find where the horrible smell is coming from, and in doing so have discovered woodworm in the floorboards, so - replacement floorboards and new floor covering in the pipeline. Lots of dosh needed. Also did a quick analysis of how much I owe the Revenue. :eek::eek::eek: I know, I know - my fault, but it's adding to the stress levels no end.

Also on the plus side, my parents today got a phone connection to their care home room so I can speak to them direct. And I finally got into gear to ask someone to gather up the hens and goose from let house and distribute them as necessary. He hasn't emailed me back to say he will, so I may not have found a solution to the problem, but I did try.

I now have to stop working and go to bed so that I can get up and be almost awake to work at a client's premises all day tomorrow doing the bookkeeping. I meant to get some done today to get a head start, but proofreading had to take priority.

Almost forgot, also on the plus side - I didn't have any chocolate - that's two whole days! I even - get this - didn't eat the Chuncky KitKat favoured friend bought me. Instead I am saving it for tomorrow for when I need some comfort at client's office - so I don't have to buy a bar then either. I didn't get to make my phone call to friend; however, I have written a card to post tomorrow to another friend that I have been meaning to write to since November - only a few words, but (a positive but) it's just to let them know that am thinking of them. Now, if only I could find their address ...

savingholmes

Hi wordsmith just wanted to wish you well. You sound like you have been having a tough journey and are now keen to get back on track. Start with the friendships in that they can then support you more with the rest of your journey...

Good luck

shaggydoo

Just popping in to wish you

Wordsmith

Pluses for today - got through without short-fuse client operating on too short a fuse; heard from letting agent that rotting carcase of rat has been found under floorboards and removed without the whole floor having to come up :T (which means I don't have to shell out loads of dosh [yet - there's still the woodworm to sort out, but that can wait] - thank you, thank you, thank you, God); found 5c in the street. Didn't eat Chunky KitKat - an absolute first for me: choccie in my bag and I managed not to spend all day thinking about it!

Unpluses - have to stay up for another hour or two to do some work.

Not a bad day - not any less poor, but not even poorer.

epsilondraconis

Hey Wordsmith - great diary. I don't know about anyone else, but it always seems so romantic and fulfilling living in a old shack near the sea; however your posting certainly puts things into perspective. Its so easy to think the grass is always greener.

Anyway, I'll certainly keep reading this one. Keep posting and all the best with your debt free journey.

Wordsmith

Proof of my not getting down to doing things I must: I can't even update my diary regularly! However, there is a good reason. I have been incredibly busy with work, which is obviously a "tick, v. good". Have actually done very little other than work - some interesting (proofreading), some not so interesting (client's year end accounts), some that has to be done in order to eat (shop work - but that hasn't been grit-your-teeth stuff as I quite enjoy it in the main).


Pluses:

• lots of work
• not bought a chocolate bar for eight days now
• found 23c in street (rather low for a week's street earnings)
• not bought a chocolate bar for eight days now
• took the first step on the healthier me front and asked someone to recommend a dentist (OK, so maybe only the tiniest of tiny first steps towards a tiny first step, but still millimetering in the right direction)
• not bought a chocolate bar for eight days now
• entered some free competitions from a free mag
• not bought a chocolate bar for eight days now
• paid £100 off mortgage arrears
• not bought a chocolate bar for eight days now
• paid £250 off a storage bill (really have to do something about my stuff in storage)
• not bought a chocolate bar for eight days now
• paid £50 off loan from friend
• not bought a chocolate bar for eight days now.

Oh, and in case I forget to mention it, I haven't bought a chocolate bar for eight days now!!!


Unpluses:

• street earnings down (note to self: must spend more time walking the streets) - if I could only get up a bit earlier I would be able to get out before the street cleaner - I am convinced he must be rolling in dosh
• although I haven't bought a chocolate bar for eight days now (eight days!) I haven't been entirely chocolate free as when I was stocking shelves in the shop I came across a packet of choccie biscuits that had come open (oh joy, oh joy - and yes, it really had come open all by itself) and couldn't bear the thought of throwing it in the bin, so had them instead of choc bars (can I keep up not buying any now that my crutch has gone, though?), I also (oh dear, ) found a packet of yummy out-of-date choc biscuits that boss had thrown in bin, so I liberated them
• no new money coming in (although I can now send out a couple of invoices :T)
• am a bit behind with work for a regular client, so must get and do that this morning
• still have important bills to pay and no money to pay with
• done too little exercise - not even walked mutt every day as a friend has been off work and has taken her for me; I did try doing some buttock clenches when I wasn't too busy in the shop and there were no customers within a hundred yards, but then remembered that boss might scan through the cameras and thought the poor chap has enough to contend with without coming across that rather unsavoury image.

Work has slackened off a tiny bit (boo), so must knuckle down to some of the other stuff, like finding ways of getting more work in. Oh, and sorting out my own accounts for the Revenue, which is now trying to become my new best friend by phoning me up to ask how I am. And you thought they didn't care.