Taking my finger off the self-destruct button

tiff

Come on missus, you need to get those debts written down in black and white. I enjoyed reading your posts. You said you are a writer, can I ask what you write?

Wordsmith

Seaxwyn wrote: »

I must be the only DFW who can take chocolate or leave it. In a whole year of working in the sweetshop, there has only been one occasion when I felt tempted by the chocolate.

:eek::eek::eek:

A true heroine, in my eyes!

Wordsmith

tiff wrote: »

Come on missus, you need to get those debts written down in black and white.

Noooooooo. I can't, not yet. Pleeeeease, not yet.

I enjoyed reading your posts. You said you are a writer, can I ask what you write?

Thanks. Nothing creative - open learning materials mainly. I have a novel on the go (yawn, I know, me and a million or so others) and have it all mapped out in my head, but (there she goes) paid work always comes first so I have only got about a third of the way into writing it. Even if I got up a couple of hours earlier each day (hah!) I would make a start on paid work rather than work on my own stuff. I also have lots of other projects that I am desperate to make a start on - they are going to make me very comfortably off and I will never have to worry about debt again and I will have a lovely house to live in ... only I don't get the time to concentrate on them. When I do, though, just you wait and see ...

Wordsmith

I worked quite well yesterday - could have been better, though. The job was a tad boring (tile catalogues often are, I find) so it was tough going. Still, finished it off this morning, sent it off, together with my invoice. So that's a plus - there was a time (up until this morning, in fact) when I would have left invoicing for a few weeks.

Pluses for yesterday:

• took dog for walk around lanes so I didn't have to pay for petrol to take her to the beach;
• paid £50 to friend to reduce interest free loan;
• sent out an invoice for work done (I know I said it above, but am so chuffed, I wanted to say it again).

And that's it as far as debt busting goes.

Unpluses for yesterday:

• only 1c street earnings (I think the recession is starting to kick in and people are now picking up their dropped coins - swines);
• handed over €20 for a birthday present - I'm not too sure how this happened: I phoned other lady in the shop to let her know it was lovely boss-man's birthday in case she wanted to say "Happy birthday" when she saw him and from there third worker got involved and it was decided to buy him a present - third worker thought a tenner was a bit mean and so they decided we should all put in €20 :eek: I didn't want to appear too tight so gently tried talking them out of it and into doing something that was less or even no cost, but it all got vetoed, so in order to not rock the boat I paid over my last lovely blue note; then had to do some grocery shopping so had to take another €20 out of my bank account (this is the type of thing I mean when I say I am frequently taking one step forwards and several more back - find 1c and pay 2000c ...);
• finally got bill in the post today for roof repairs to house in England :eek: - OK, was expected and was necessary, but how to pay? OMG, OMG, OMG, how to pay? I will just about be able to do it next week, but only at the expense of other bills that have to be paid.

I really have to have a go at sorting out my accounts today. I don't want to do this, but pleading and promising to eat my greens if I can be let off have all been to no avail - it's a horrible job (yes, I do it for other people, but that's different from doing it for yourself) and at the end of it I will know what I owe the Revenue. It's going to be loads because I am so behind. And when I know, I have to find the money. It's going to be an awful lot of 1c finds on the streets. I expect no sympathy for this, but don't tell me off as I've done that enough myself.

Still, no chocolate buying for 15 days now. A record! Well, a record for me. And yesterday I even didn't eat any! We are really moving into unchartered territory here.

Wordsmith

So much for my diary! It's been a month and more since I last wrote in it. It has, however, been on my mind, and that has been enough to make me think twice about some things. I sort of mentally write to it every day and if I think "I'll have to fess up to that" about something it will usually stop me doing it? Make sense? Never mind, it does to me!

I have made some eeny weeny teeny tiny iddly piddly baby steps towards the debts, and some massive, ginormous, eye-watering strides away from them. The last month has been same old, same old ... one step forwards, twenty-seven back. So ...


Pluses

• I have continued paying £50 a week towards the loan a friend made to me. It's a no-interest loan but as it's a friend I feel it is the one that I have to pay back most regularly.
• I've been kept busy (so busy I haven't had a chance to catch up on my diary!).
• I got my finger out and at last got my blood tests done. The good news is that everything they tested for turned out to be normal. Perversely, I am slightly disappointed with this because if I don't know what is causing my symptoms I can't start to put them right.
• I scraped together enough money to pay the builder for the roof repairs (although at the expense of paying off some other bills).
• Been over to England to see my parents. (Unplus: the cost!)
• Have bought only one bar of chocolate since 15 April. I really needed that one bar (was travelling and feeling wobbly) and I really (really) enjoyed it, so I didn't feel too bad about it.
• Generally I have used the car as little as possible.

Unpluses

• The timer for the central heating blew up in the house I let in England. An irritation but nothing major if it had just been a timer that I had to get. However, it turned out that the timer blew because the pump had gone. So, new timer and new pump. When the plumber went to turn off the water he found there was a leak in the water tank. So, new timer, new pump, new water tank ... and new immersion heater. An £850 bill.
• I still haven't done my accounts, and I know I owe the Revenue a fair bit of dosh (which I haven't got).
• Although I am grateful for having the work, I have had to work well into the night on several occasions, and I am just sooooo tired.
• My car (the one I had off-road until I could afford to get some work done on it) - the one that wasn't insured - got burnt out, my home got broken into, and my generator got stolen. Got the generator back, luckily. More expense - have to get the car that is now not going to make me any money removed, and I feel extra vulnerable.
• Plumber can't get the bit for my boiler, and as I really need to move back to the mobile home and I have to have hot water, I have to pay for an electric heater - will cost about €300 with labour, I think.
• Really, really have to organise an eye test and get new specs.
• Work ticking along but I am not getting new clients.
• There's other stuff, but I don't want to let this too-long list of unpluses appear too negative.

Re the break-in. There are names in the frame for this ... but of course no means of catching the little rascals. Hah! "Little rascals." Can I write what I really think of them? Probably not. Once I started talking to people about it I realised that I was the only person in the whole of the county that didn't know who they are. Their fame (infamy) is far and wide - and any can't-prove-otherwise break in and fire is attributed to them. Not an attitude I take myself, but it does go to show just what a nuisance they are. Story goes (and everyone seems to believe it) that they - and even if it wasn't "them" the story is just awful - broke into a house quite near to them while the parents were at the funeral of their child. I just cannot get this out of my head - burying your child has got to be just about the worst thing that can happen to anybody, and then to go back home and find it has been violated while you are at your lowest ebb is beyond the imagineable. How could anyone do this? This has so upset me. However, story also goes that they owe money to one of the drugs gangs in Limerick, so maybe the world won't be having to put up with them for much longer. _pale_

Otherwise, life has been pretty much as normal. I have got some typing to finish this afternoon, then an annual report to proofread (the excitement of anticipation is just awesome), and am meeting a roofer for an estimate on getting a roof on my hovel. I can't afford it, and he knows that, but I would like to get an idea of what I am aiming for. Will probably get eaten alive by the midges, so it may be quite a quick meeting!

kissjenn

You are having such a rotten time but still resisting the chocolate urge - that's more than impressive, it's bl**dy impressive.

Everywhere has little oiks. They published a list here the other week saying that 10 known kids, all under 16 were responsible for over 2 thousand crimes that they know of. They estimate the figure is actually 10 times that. Now cynic that I am, I look at those headlines and think "NO". All you're doing is encouraging them now to compete with each other to be top teen criminal 2009 - they'll be organising a phone in vote next.

Loving the posts...the man and his socks was brilliant.

Seaxwyn

Hello Wordsmith, I've been wondering how you are. What a trying time you've been having - poor you. Hope the Pluses start to overtake the Unpluses very soon.

Wordsmith

True to form it's been weeks since updating my diary. Although I have been very busy, so it's for a good reason. And it's been pretty much same old, same old and nothing exciting to report. So, on with the confessions.


Pluses

• Still paying the £50 weekly to loan from friend.
• Builder's bill was paid by letting agent from rent (spread over two months), so I didn't have to find £850 in one lump, but of course have to find the extra money to pay the mortgage. And it has been one heck of a struggle, with other bills not getting paid.
• Stayed off buying chocolate for the most part - bought a bar on two occasions when I was travelling and I was feeling wobbly; had three days in a row when the stress all got too much and I caved in, but am now back on the straight (can't wait for the narrow).
• Have been to visit my parents (but lots of unpluses connected to that).
• Had a family meal with two uncles I don't see often and two cousins I haven't seen for over 20 years - and the meal was paid for.
• Got the water heater sorted in my caravan, so I can move back there when I can get my !!!! into gear to do so.
• Have some invoices out waiting for payment.
• Locked my key into my car, but favoured friend dropped me to work and then managed to break in to car without damaging anything to retrieve it (and was doing so, I might add, while a policeman was walking past - a policeman who carried on walking past without challenging him as to why he was poking a coat hanger through the door being prised open with a pudding spoon! Perhaps he realised the key was locked inside, as nobody in their right mind would want to steal my car).
• Managed to open a new UK bank account! After all my trouble when I phoned various banks and was told by more than one that I couldn't open an account because I didn't live in England, I walked into one of the high street banks and opened an account with no trouble - I was quite up-front, and all I had to do was provide proof of my address abroad. This is such a relief, as if my overdraft is pulled out from under me, I now have another account to pay my bills through.
• I had nothing to wear to dinner out with family (this is not a woman statement, I really had nothing other than the skirt and shirt I had travelled in - and wear every day to work) and so although it went against the grain I had to go clothes shopping. Why is this a plus rather than an unplus? Because I got a skirt, a dress and two blouses in a charity shop for £13.75! Way to go!
• In my bid to sort out life generally, I have visited the nurse (for a smear test - bleurgh), the doctor, and the opticians. Now see the unpluses.
• I had a day off! A real, proper day off. I normally work seven days a week, just taking a few days out every now and again to visit my parents (which much as I love doing it, and I am not at my desk, cannot be considered "days off"). I was made to do it by favoured friend as I think my high stress levels were causing some concern. I was allowed to choose what we did - so it involved several tea and cake stops. We went to a local tourist place I hadn't been to before - I didn't tell him, but this was actually so I could do some research for a work project ... but it was still a day out. And it was worth it - I felt revitalised for, oh, about half a day afterwards. Day cost me about €20, so not good.

Unpluses

• Bills not getting paid because of builder's invoice. Scary.
• Visit to parents costly (air fare, car hire, loss of wages) and they are both very poorly at the moment so emotionally I am torn in two - I would love to move back temporarily so I can do my bit to try to make things more comfortable for them, but this isn't possible because I have nowhere to live and nothing to live on. I also feel the need to visit a bit more regularly to see them, so there is a lot of cost involved.
• Visit to parents coincided with first day of Glastonbury, so it took me three and a half hours to travel eight miles, until I could get off the road and on to a massive detour to avoid the snarl up (and as I didn't have a map with me I had to ring a truck driver friend to get directions - how girly is that?). Having planned on spending the whole afternoon with parents, I didn't get there until the evening (after having taken a wrong turning twice). Yes, this was one of the occasions I bought chocolate. I was just sooooooo stressed.
• No new work coming in. No money coming in. No windfalls. No Lottery wins. So, no change there, then.
• Dr and optician cost me money - for prescription, and for new specs. I have been putting off the new specs for ages because of the cost, but when I began to be able to see better for driving without my specs than I could with them, I decided that I was really duty bound to get new ones. Haven't picked them up yet - have just paid a deposit and have to find the rest of the money to pay the balance. Lovely dispensing optician measured me up - nice looking and good bod (well, from what I could tell with my eyesight), but every time he had to touch my head he said "Don't mind me" so that I kept getting flashes of John Inman in my mind and I just wanted to giggle.
• €200 for new water heater for caravan.
• Street earnings well down (I blame the recession) but I hope they might pick up next week as it's Willie Week in the town where I've got my office. This might have conjured up visions of an invasion of young Aussie blokes, but it is actually an annual event in honour of a famous, late local traditional musician. The quiet town becomes a hive of activity with music classes, Irish dancing, concerts and impromptu pub music sessions. It's gearing up outside as I write this. The ten or so pubs in the (short) high street are stocking up with Guiness, buildings that aren't usually pubs become pubs, empty shops open as music shops, private houses become shops, burger vans nick the best parking spots, and soon the street stalls selling tat masquerading as antiques will be setting up. Music is the excuse for it all, but the outcome for a lot of the visitors is just a week-long pi$$-up. I won't see too much of it as the lady I work with in the shop wants to attend and she won't be fit for work, so as I need the money I said I would do her hours.

Made me smile
Man came into the shop and asked for toffees. When I asked him which ones he said he didn't care as he just needed them to give his mother-in-law to shut her up while he was driving her about.

Made me envious
Young chap came into the shop at 8 p.m. and bought a pack of, ahem, three. Came in at 11 a.m. the next day and bought another pack. :eek: Ah, them were the days.

Sorry for another long post. It's just as well I don't have much time to do updates.

Wordsmith

Not a lot to report again, but I expect I will take quite a lot space to write about not much.


Pluses

• Managing to keep up loan repayments of £50 a week to friend.
• Lots of work on, but most of it at the moment at minimum wage.
• Had some lovely (no expense) walks with the mutt.
• I am making headway into sorting out life and money. There are so many knocks along the way it is difficult to see that sometimes - but there are so many people worse off that I have to keep reminding myself about how lucky I am and how it is still within my grasp to do something about it. Every step forward is still a step forward, even if I do take twenty back sometimes.
• Managing not to buy chocolate most days. It is still a big deal for me, though!

Unpluses

• Making little headway into paying off debt - just standing still or getting further behind.
• Parents very poorly - have thought and thought about how I can move back to UK for the duration so I can help out, and it just is not practicable. I feel so guilty - first for not being able to do it, second that it would be much easier to sort something out if I wasn't so financially challenged (and whose fault is that?).
• Off to visit parents for a couple of days - not an unplus in itself, of course, but two days' wages lost and £100 car hire - and, yes, that was the cheapest I could get it. My flight doesn't get in until twenty to midnight and not all the car hire places are open at that time. I could have got it cheaper by not having the £15 a day excess waiver, but the thought of having a £500 excess to pay if I prang the car doesn't bear thinking about. In any case, once when I had decided not to go for the waiver, the car hire company wanted to block off £500 on my credit card and as there wasn't that much available the only way to do it was to go for the full waiver. Another time I didn't have it and I knocked off a wing mirror - I spent most of my three days away trying to get a new one put on so I didn't get overcharged by the car hire company (actually, in the end I had to go through the company and it wasn't that much, but I was worried).
• No new clients still.
• Have to buy new shoes. I have lots of problems with my feet and the only shoes that I can wear are Crocs. I absolutely love my Crocs. I have one pair, which I have worn every day for eleven months, for every event. [Tips to reader: do not wear Crocs for walking in the snow, or for walking across rotting, smelly kelp on the beach; do not take off outside when it is windy.] Just lately, though, they have become dangerous when it is raining as there is no tread underneath and it is like walking on ice - and since I have neither the grace nor the balance of an ice-skater, it makes for some pretty hairy trips down the High Street. What really finished them off though was that I had finally worn a hole into the sole and so I got wet, mucky feet every time it rained (and as this is Ireland, it happens quite a lot). So, much as it hurts, I have had to fork out for a new pair. I have a very cheap imitation pair, but they started to hurt after one day, so the real thing it has to be.
• Man came into the shop and asked where I lived. When I told him which house [for "house", read "hovel"], he said, "How mad an idea was that!" Well, yes, it does need "a bit" of work on it, but some support would be good, please.

So, having got into the swing of buckling down and sorting things out, been to the docs and the opticians, making savings where I can, etc., it is now time to step up the plan of action.

I will:

• spend some time every day - even if I am really, really tired and can do just a few minutes - on getting better paid clients. This will involved creating some proper leaflets to give people and making my website look more professional.
• do one job - no matter how small - on making my environment more pleasant to live in. Even if it is just a little thing, such as not putting off the washing up, or cleaning the basin, I have to do something every day. I tend to think the whole place needs cleaning and I don't have time, or I am too tired to wash up, it can wait until tomorrow.

Such tiny things that figure in most people's daily living ... and yet I have to plan to do them! My God, how pathetic am I???

Apart from getting better paid clients, I have to find some way of upping my income. I do onepoll surveys, but it has taken soooooo long to get my balance up to £11.20, that this is not a particularly good way forward. I have 'projects' in mind, but again am working so hard that I don't have time to devote to them. So, after I have sorted out my advertising material I plan to spend half an hour every day working on just one project to see it to completion and try to make money from it. At the moment, because I can't devote a chunk of time to the projects, they all get left, and I can never decide which to work on.

I am going away in August for a few days with a friend. A big (non)budgeting mistake. I don't feel I can get out of it now - I am sure I will enjoy it, but the expense! Still, I am looking forward to it immensely and will just have to redouble my efforts afterwards.

Embarrassed me:
Man came into shop and I thought he said, "Do you have a battery?", and I said, "Yes, how big is it?" He went a bit pink and I discovered he had actually said, "Do you have a bathroom?" I am getting more used to the accent. When I first started working here, a man came in and said "Tin of diesel." Ummm, we don't sell diesel in tins. He kept repeating himself and was nearly hopping up and down by the time I glanced at the pump screen and saw that someone had just put in ten euros' worth of diesel. Another guy came in and asked for triple X mens'. Luckily I didn't point him in the direction of what I thought he meant, but just looked at him blankly. He kept repeating himself, and then started pointing at me. Now I was worried. Then I realised that if I moved to the side I would stop blocking the extra strong mints! And I was always giving people cigarettes instead of charging them for petrol - I used to drive around trying to say the names of cigarettes and making it sound like "petrol" to see where I was going wrong. Still, I am not the only one. A lad came to work for a week in the shop as part of his school exchange (he was Danish and had come to rural Ireland to brush up his English - eh?). Someone asked him for confirmation cards, and he told them they were in the fridge next to the cabbages. And it works both ways: I asked a man to put in his PIN for his debit card; after I had repeated what I said, he dashed out of the shop to his car and came back with a biro!

There, all that space to say I haven't made much progress!

Wordsmith

Someone recently sent me this in an email:

WARNING TO WOMEN

My thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago. I went to sleep and woke up with someone else's thighs. It was just that quick. The replacements had the texture of cooked oatmeal. Whose thighs were these and what happened to mine? I spent the entire summer looking for my thighs. Finally, hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans. And then the thieves struck again.

My bum was next. I knew it was the same gang, because they took pains to match my new rear-end to the thighs they had stuck me with earlier. But my new bum was attached at least three inches lower than my original! I realized I'd have to give up my jeans in favour of long skirts.

Two years ago I realized my arms had been switched. One morning I was drying my hair and was horrified to see the flesh of my upper arm swing to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush. This was really getting scary - my body was being replaced one section at a time.

What could they do to me next?

When my poor neck suddenly disappeared and was replaced with a turkey neck, I decided to tell my story. Women of the world wake up and smell the coffee! Those 'plastic' surgeons are using REAL replacement body parts -stolen from you and me! The next time someone you know has something 'lifted', look again - was it lifted from you?

THIS IS NOT A HOAX. This is happening to women everywhere every night.

WARN YOUR FRIENDS!

P.S. Last year I thought some one had stolen my boobs. I was lying in bed and they were gone! But when I jumped out of bed, I was relieved to see that they had just been hiding in my armpits as I slept. Now I keep them hidden in my waistband.