Taking my finger off the self-destruct button

elantan

have just read your diary up till here very very interesting ...good luck

One_step_forward

I've just spent the last 45 min reading your thread when I should have been working..... just couldn't drag myself away!!

Could you not trade skills with some local guys to get some work on the house done ? ?

Well done for keeping off the chocolate as much as possible! if only I could do the same with crisps!!!

Keep up the good work, will be popping in again....

KiWi13

just read your diary and want to say well done for realising something has to be done and for doing something about it.
I think thats half the battle and once you have come to terms with that the action isn't always as bad as you thought it was going to be.

Just remember tiny steps and you will get there. Don't look at the huge tasks break them into smaller ones and work on them that way. Then when you actually achieve it you will feel so much better and it will be a bigger inspiration to continue doing it.

the jobs you keep putting off will always still be there and unfortunately can only get worse. Take a day or two out and try and get these done and you will feel so much better knowing they are out of your hair. and if you do end up owing the revenue then at least you know what your working towards as not doing it may only lead to fines etc and you feeling more stressed by always having it in the back of your mind to do (you know as you say you work at it for others)

I do hope your wee run of bad luck re: your car and the houses etc has all ended and from here on you can try and move forward without so many backwards steps.

good luck with it all i wish you all the best in it. :beer:

poorbutrich

Hi there
Another fan of your diary! I often go the west coast of Ireland and recognised some of the language barrier problems...you can only say pardon three times, I find!

Well done for getting a grip on the chocolate addiction, I shall subscribe to your diary to remind me to say no whenever the urge for a snickers bar strikes!

very best of luck!

kissjenn

Love the diary Wordsmith. And it's not at all pathetic to do baby steps when it comes to tidying, it's the only way. I always find something else much more interesting.

And as for language, with me it's deafness not accent so when my OH said "I'm going to Edinburgh to see Keith Chegwin", I asked him to get his autograph. Blank stare from OH who was in fact "going to Edinburgh to pay a cheque in." As he points I have no context processing!

Wordsmith

Thank you peeps for looking in and commenting. It is much appreciated.

elantan - thank you (although I am always a bit nervous of the word "interesting" ).

One step forward, I have thought about trading skills and may try it in the future on smaller jobs that need doing. My main worry with that is falling out with the person doing the work, as there are a lot of cowpeople looking for work at the moment. The shop owner has said that I can use one of his rooms to store my stuff (which is currently in a hideously expensive storage place in the UK) and so I will probably do some bookkeeping for him in return. I am currently looking into the cheapest way of getting the stuff here as it is a real drain on resources.

KiWi13, you are, of course, right about putting jobs off. As soon as someone offers me paid work, everything else gets pushed back. This has cost me in the past (financially and otherwise), so I should have learnt my lesson. I haven't, of course. Now is definitely the time to turn that around.

poorbutrich, I agree, after three "pardons" you just have to go for it! Which is why I ended up trying to sell someone Tippex when they wanted twenty Benson and Hedges! (No, I can't make it sound the same either. It must be an Irish thing.)

kissjen, one of my favourite mondegreens was told to me by a friend whose four-year-old after watching Terminator 2 and hearing "Hasta la vista, baby" kept going up to people and saying in a "deep" voice, "Happy Easter, baby".

Wordsmith

I'm back from visit to UK - poorer in the pocket but richer for seeing family.


Pluses

• Spent some time with my lovely Mum and Dad.
• Managed (just) to pay £50 repayment off loan from friend.
• Had breakfast both days away at beach cafe with brother-in-law (two breakfasts and tea cost £4.95 - he paid one day, I paid the other).
• New shoes!
• Picked up specs and can now see again - hurrah!
• Still desperately short of clothes so went to charity shop and managed to get another work skirt and two polo shirts. Still nothing semi-smart for seeing clients, though.

Unpluses

• Found out first-hand just how much parents' health has deteriorated since last seeing them (about three weeks ago). Thank God they are in a nursing home and being cared for and no longer struggling on their own (although they have, naturally, found it hard to accept their loss of independence).
• Spent £4.95 on breakfasts.
• Had to buy new shoes - confession: I actually got two pairs of Crocs - an everyday pair and an off-road pair for walking the dog. Both will be used every day, so I hope that means they will last twice as long (so hopefully no more new shoes for 22 months).
• Had to pay balance on specs. Urgh.
• Still got blue clothes - they were the only ones that fitted. I tried on a couple of other things in different colours but they looked hideous. One item was about three sizes bigger than I thought I normally wear and it was TOO SMALL.
• Weighed myself on sister's scales (don't have / won't have any here). :eek::eek::eek: As a result, am retripling efforts in the lose-weight part of my aim to reverse my tendency to self-destruct. From today, that is, as last night's midnight feast of two glasses of wine and a Brie sandwich when I got back from travelling wouldn't have been a great start. (But it was very nice.)

Made me sad:
Seeing my lovely strong parents no longer strong. Father had to keep lying down as he got "funny turns". Mother now weighing only 5 stone 3 lb. She is hardly eating anything and won't move, so she is also getting sores. She gets upset if you try to encourage her to do the things you know would be good for her but which she just doesn't want to do. So, when does encouragement become bullying? Her mind is wandering even more (although, thankfully, she does recognise me). She asked me if my sister has children. I said she hadn't. She said, "Oh, so I haven't got any grandchildren?" I said she hadn't, and she said "Oh, well, it's a bit late now." And she several times got tearful and said "I never thought it would come to this." Heartbreaking. I want to be there to see them every day. My dad gave me a hundred pounds. I tried to say no, but he was insistent and I was grateful, of course (it paid for the car hire), but how much of a loser it made me feel to be taking money off an octogenarian blind man confined to a wheelchair. They know money isn't abundant, but they have no idea - nor will they ever know - I am in debt.

Made me chuckle:
I was trying to cheer Mum a little by saying how lucky it was they moved when they did so that she and Dad could have help when they needed it. She said, "Oh yes, if we'd still been there, we'd be in a home by now." Bless her. Apart from the statement not making sense (although I knew what she meant), I hope it means that they think of the nursing home as their home, rather than a home, if you know what I mean.

Well, I've taken on a proofreading job, even though I am working lots of hours in the shop for the next couple of weeks. It's going to be a tiring struggle to get it all done, but I can already visualise the cheque and at the moment that is overriding the vision of the late nights and early mornings. So, best crack on.

Best of luck to the rest of you. Your signatures and own stories are so inspiring and act as a "stop feeling sorry for yourself" finger wag when I get blue. And how does everyone else manage to say so much in so few words, when I say so little in so many words?

Wordsmith

Forgot (how?) to say, a huge unplus: discovered as I was about to go off to the UK, that my caravan had been broken into again. Another window to replace, plus they nicked my CDs and DVDs. Nearly didn't travel, but seeing parents took priority. I haven't had a chance to check out whether they took anything else. A friend called the police in for me, and they came and had a look round - nothing they could do, of course, but at least they came. Couldn't get any fingerprints.

Was gearing up to move back (only inertia had got in the way). So, what do I do now? My gut instinct is to go back and prevent this happening again. It's a bit nerve-wracking, though, to think I will be in isolation in the dead of night._pale_ Logic says they broke in precisely because there was no one there. Illogical fear says they might think there are more goodies to nick if there is someone there. Highly tuned illogical fear says maybe beating fat poor person over the head would be fun for them. Actual fear says they wouldn't think twice about shutting up small black and white dog (not that she would ever, ever be there on her own).

elantan

he he i know what you mean about the word "interesting" and i have to admit it on occasion i do say it as i dont want to offend ...

but truthfully (cause i am a total stickler for honesty) i meant it as a total compliment ...i am loving reading your diary it really interests me ...i was mesmirized (sp) by reading it ...like some one else said i sat down and read it right through ...there are many people on here that have an amazing ability to write ....individuals that stick right out ..people whose journey you become absorbed with ...oberon sh...ehallert ...faymjack (hope i spelt that right) hypno, bob , lynzpower, oooo and one other( who i know her current incarnation but cant remember a previous one so wont say) along with many others...these people have a canny ability to express into the written word thier emotions their journeys their stories .. they are able to carry the reader along on the journey....you appear to have the same ability it is a total credit to yourself and trully meant as a compliment...


now onto business ....what do you want to do? firstly get your goal ...then figure out how to make it happen ...for instance if you want to return to the van then decide to do that ...you then look into ways to make it safer for you and the dog ...if you choose to return to england decide that and decide what needs to happen for this to happen...the thing is you need to decide what it is you WANT ...what you really WANT ...then you work on it ....


i understand you are going through alot of emotions with regards to your parents at the moment...have you spoken to anyone that has had a similar experiance? ...a friend of mine has told me about many things that happened when her parents were getting that bit more reliant...she found many things that helped her through it ...i dont want to suggest anything as i dont want to appear as if i am being pushy ...but just wanted to say i wish you all the best in dealing with the situation as best as you can


ok lecture over sorry lol

Seaxwyn

Hi wordsmith. I find your diary "interesting" too, in the nicest possible way.

I so feel for you worrying about your parents and being so far away. My parents too are declining, but at least they are close and i see them several times a week. Is there anyone near to your parents who can be your deputy and see them every day for you? And what would you lose if you did move back temporarily to be near them?

I know what you mean about taking money from a blind octogenarian. My dad, a not blind but very frail 77-year-old, paid for our airfares to go on holiday this year. I felt dreadful that as a 40-something in the prime of life I couldn't pay for my own holiday.

Hope you get years of life out of your crocs. Are they the real ones or fake ones? They sell fake ones here for 2 pairs for £15 - let me know if you'd like me to send some over.