Taking my finger off the self-destruct button

Wordsmith

Seaxwyn wrote: »

(and I hardly dare ask about the cat).

I think poor Tobes must have got caught by a fox. I miss him enormously. So does Brian, who regularly had boxing matches with him. Although Brian's mama is around, she can't stand him and growls at him if he comes within 3 feet of her. Poor little chap.

My lovely, lovely landlady not only lit me a fire and switched on my electric blanket for my homecoming, she had bought me a frame and put a picture of One Eye in it, and left it on the table for me.

When I was asking anyone and everyone whether they had seen him, I said to a farmer neighbour that I was looking for a cat and that he was very distinctive because he had only one eye. He said, "Oh, is that a new kind of breed, then?" Fek's sake!

poorbutrich

Wordsmith wrote: »

I have agreed to sell the house to my tenants. I feel very sad about this, but I do think it is the right thing to do. It’s a long way before it’s signed and sealed, though, so we shall see what happens.

You were right to suggest waiting a couple of weeks to make the decision, Radish, but this is something I have thought about before and have never come to a positive yes or no to selling, so even though now isn’t a good decision-making time, I don’t think I would have been any clearer if I’d waited.

Not sure where this leaves me now with moving forward. I’ll not try to force my thoughts on that, and hopefully the right way will present itself. At the moment, my illogical feelings of loneliness and not belonging anywhere are enhanced by the prospect of not having my house any more. I feel ridiculously childlike. I must snap out of that soon. I am not sleeping properly and am very pressurised with work – if I would just get down to doing some, that would probably help!

Hi Wordsmith
Am thinking of you.
I think you've come to the right decision on the house. I always tell myself that whatever I decide will be the right decision, and when you come to look back on major life choices like this one, you have to recall the circumstances at the same time, if that makes sense. What I am trying to say very clumsily is that you've made a hard decision and shouldn't beat yourself up about it whatever happens.

I really sympathise about your feelings about the house. It gives you roots and a sense of belonging. Until very recently we simply could not afford to buy a house. We were renting for years and were mocked mercilessly for not having "bricks and mortar". At one point, we were kicked out of our house suddenly by the landlord who had sold the house and we ended up living in my campervan for a bit.

However, with the way the economy is going, particularly in Ireland, cash seems to be king. I think, touch wood that the transaction goes through as planned, that you'll be in a good position to face the future.

Is there anyone that can help with your work while you take some time to look after yourself and relax?

startagain_2

Wordsmith wrote: »

I think poor Tobes must have got caught by a fox. I miss him enormously. So does Brian, who regularly had boxing matches with him. Although Brian's mama is around, she can't stand him and growls at him if he comes within 3 feet of her. Poor little chap.

I remember as a child I used to have holidays on a farm in South Wales owned by friends of the family. The animals were treated well but hardly with the spoilt, luxurious ways of us town dwellers. I asked the farmer once what happened when the animals reached old age and death was near. He told me that they know when the time is right and take themselves off somewhere and die. He said they want to be alone.
Many years later, I remembered this when an old cat we had, who was maybe 17 or 18, decided she needed to go out in the garden. It was a cold winter night and I didn't know whether to let her out or not and decided I would give her a few minutes. When I looked for her, she had disappeared. We looked everywhere for her and never ever found her. I was heartbroken but it did make we wonder if perhaps she had gone off because "her time had come".
Losing a pet is so hard and I feel for you. Made all the more raw with the loss of your father and now the house sale but maybe, just maybe, it is the close of one part of your life and the start of a new one in which you can plan and move on.
I am not one to talk, as you know, but things happen for a reason.
I wish you all the suport, luck and hugs in the world.
SA

Wordsmith

Thanks, Poorbutrich. Although I am living in a lovely rented place at the moment, I'm very nervous of renting. I used to rent a cottage in the countryside in England, which I loved. One day the landlady called round and, as with your experience, said that she was selling it. I felt so not in control of the situation that I vowed that as long as I was able I would not rent again. Obviously owning a place doesn't necessarily mean you have any more control and I think it is only in the UK and Ireland that so much emphasis is put on burdening yourself with a mortgage and owning your front door, but I am not very good at making a space "my own" because I am so nervous that I will get moved on.

You know, the more I write on here, the more I realise that I am not as issue-free as I fondly imagine I am!

I have started questioning my sanity again, too. I talk to my dog a lot, which has never bothered me because everyone does that (don't they?), but just recently I have found myself answering for her. "Ooh, look at that, Mutt." "Yes, Wordsmith, maybe I'll bark at it." "Shut up, Mutt." "Well, you started it." I mean, it's not even as though she says anything intelligent.

Radish72

I talk to myself..............wonder what that says about me, so you are not alone in this

Wordsmith

Thanks, SA. I don't think that's why my Tobers disappeared, though other people have suggested it too. I don't know how old he was because he was a rescue cat, but he was in lovely condition so I don't think he was ancient or ill.

I was away visiting my Dad (the last time I saw him alive) and my landlady was feeding the cats. I always shut them in at night, but in order not to make her feel she had to come over to the house again, I said not to bother with closing the window. So I think the old fella went out at night and because of his disability didn't see the danger of the fox. It was mighty frosty at the time and so not much food about for wild animals and several foxes have been seen in the area, so my deduction is that he was dinner that night.

When I went over for the funeral, my landlady fed the cats again, but this time shut them in. One night her husband was shutting up their house ready for bed but because mama cat had not yet appeared, she made him go and sit in my house until the mogs came back! Luckily, I don't think it was for long.

Wordsmith

I can’t say my frame of mind is any more robust at the moment, but I’m working on it. It’s just a phase that will pass with a bit of determination and time.

Pluses

• Client has paid a bill direct into my business bank account, which has (temporarily) taken me into the black again.
• Have paid all necessary bills for this week.
• Washing machine broke twice, but lovely landlady’s lovely husband fixed it for me.
• Had some private teaching last night, so an extra €20.
• Found a fiver.
• Got a free chocolate cake from one of the domestic goddesses.

Unpluses

• Am munching my way through free chocolate cake from one of the domestic goddesses.
• I am not working very effectively. I have started to post to the self-employed thread again to try to get motivated and organised.
• Have some work hanging over me that is seeming to go on forever – I just want it finished.
• Mr Revenue is stamping his foot because I owe him a VAT return – can’t get to that until I finish other work.
• I am stamping my foot at B1lemain Finance, who I am passionately unimpressed with.
• Needed to pay insurance on house in UK. This was due while I was there for Dad’s funeral, so I didn’t get the chance to investigate cheaper insurance – or at least not to organise myself to get it sorted, so I have paid well over the odds for it. Am cross with myself, but need to stop dwelling on it.

startagain_2

You will get there Wordsmith, I am sure.

I have decided that I never want to own a property again. My first house was a Victorian terrace in London and the repairs bill was horrendous. Every week there seemed to either be a new problem or a recurrance of an old one. Then we moved to the suburbs and a new home but the bills still seemed to keep on coming.
I think it all depends on circumstances. If you are doing OK and have the funds to pay for repairs, the time to get quotes in and be there for workmen, all well and good. I however much prefer paying my rent and then just ringing a repairs number to be given an appointment for a nice man to come out and fix whatever it is that has gone wrong. I realise that being a tenant of a HA is different to renting privately. I have long term, secure accomodation for as long as I want it (providing I pay the rent) and I honestly don't know how I would have survived with being unemployed over the last year and still having a mortgage. I am sure that I would have had to sell up by now.
Thinking of you. Wait for the inspiration to start trickling back, making you feel strong enough to tackle all the nasty jobs head on.
Hugs
SA

EssexHebridean

Wordsmith wrote: »

I can’t say my frame of mind is any more robust at the moment, but I’m working on it. It’s just a phase that will pass with a bit of determination and time.

Pluses

• Client has paid a bill direct into my business bank account, which has (temporarily) taken me into the black again.
• Have paid all necessary bills for this week.
• Washing machine broke twice, but lovely landlady’s lovely husband fixed it for me.
• Had some private teaching last night, so an extra €20.
• Found a fiver.
• Got a free chocolate cake from one of the domestic goddesses.

Unpluses

• Am munching my way through free chocolate cake from one of the domestic goddesses. Cake is good, so that can NOT be an unplus!
• I am not working very effectively. I have started to post to the self-employed thread again to try to get motivated and organised. Fine - you have a problem, you have identified that problem, and you are taking steps to deal with it.
• Have some work hanging over me that is seeming to go on forever – I just want it finished. 15 minute bursts of activity on the lingering thing, interspersed with 15 minutes of other stuff.
• Mr Revenue is stamping his foot because I owe him a VAT return – can’t get to that until I finish other work. A good incentive to get the other work out the way then - as once the VAT return is done and dealt with that's it out of the way for the next period.
• I am stamping my foot at B1lemain Finance, who I am passionately unimpressed with. Foot-stamping is a positive emotion, and an outlet I suspect you need at the moment. Stamp away. In fact, why not scream while you're doing it?
• Needed to pay insurance on house in UK. This was due while I was there for Dad’s funeral, so I didn’t get the chance to investigate cheaper insurance – or at least not to organise myself to get it sorted, so I have paid well over the odds for it. Am cross with myself, but need to stop dwelling on it.

These things happen, and you're right, no point in dwelling on it particularly as you were in the middle of something FAR more important at the time. Anyhow, if the sale goes through you will probably be able to get a partial year's refund on this, thus lessening the overpayment to a degree.

Pluses are all good. As for the unpluses, I have commented above - some of what you have there, far from being negative, shows that you are still clearly focused on your objectives.

So sorry to hear about your Dad - for all you can say/think about him now being at peace that doesn't make it any more easy to cope with and bear in the short term does it. In the longer term it will be a comfort though - try to hang on to that. Sorry about the puss-cat too - they are so much part of the family aren't they. I talk to HRH The Cat al the time - and have been known to give her response also, so I don't think this is THAT odd.....or is it?!

I think you have also made absolutely the correct decision with the house - in this market getting an effectively asking price for a property is fantastic - having that offer arrive without even marketing it is even better. It also takes you out of that loop of uncertainty over the possibility of being left with the property empty and no way of paying the mortgage. Well done for being strong enough to think the thing through and give an answer too - the tenants must have been on tenterhooks waiting for your response!

ani_26

I'm so sorry your father passed away. My thoughts are still with you. x

Did you find your cat?

Hugs and love

Nohope xx