Burlesque Babe's Re-building life but back in debt diary

Burlesque_Babe

shiite start to the day. Been crying and now look like a puffed up tomato.

Won't bore you with the ins and outs but it revolves around OH and his selfishness in living all aspects of his life basically as a separate person, the fact that he 'can't afford' to go to football/drink/socialise with his friends AND do something/anything with me (so guess which he chooses every week) and after tearfully telling him that I am tired with struggling with all aspects of life on my own each day, his response is 'well I don't understand why you got yourself into this position in the first place'........he says he can't understand why I got myself a job which I was too good for 14 months ago, why I bother with AQA, why I just don't 'go and get myself a full time job'.

So I explained, as calmly as I could the shiite in my head after what I went through with Cruella (like he didn't know?!) and that I now feel better enough to get a better job, but until I can, then I have to work with what I have because the job market isn't exactly teeming with jobs.

Oh, and in response to him spending hundreds over the last couple of weeks on going to football matches, going out every sunday to watch football and drink and spending evenings at his mates drinking or, as last Friday, at the pub after work.............'well, you have a dog'...........and........'you should get a hobby'.

He says he won't change and sport will always be important. I said that's fine, but we need to be doing stuff together, or at least spending time together as well.

I've told him I don't think he will ever change and that him acting like a single person is too ingrained in him - he said' so you think I'm selfish'

I certainly do, I said.........

wasn't going to bore you with the ins and outs :rolleyes: guess that was kind of the potted verseion.............

Gemmzie

BB, he's a arzey !!!!!! and you deserve so much better. You deserve a partner, not a teenager to run around after and provide for.

Toto

Burlesque_Babe wrote: »

shiite start to the day. Been crying and now look like a puffed up tomato.

Won't bore you with the ins and outs but it revolves around OH and his selfishness in living all aspects of his life basically as a separate person, the fact that he 'can't afford' to go to football/drink/socialise with his friends AND do something/anything with me (so guess which he chooses every week) and after tearfully telling him that I am tired with struggling with all aspects of life on my own each day, his response is 'well I don't understand why you got yourself into this position in the first place'........he says he can't understand why I got myself a job which I was too good for 14 months ago, why I bother with AQA, why I just don't 'go and get myself a full time job'.

So I explained, as calmly as I could the shiite in my head after what I went through with Cruella (like he didn't know?!) and that I now feel better enough to get a better job, but until I can, then I have to work with what I have because the job market isn't exactly teeming with jobs.

Oh, and in response to him spending hundreds over the last couple of weeks on going to football matches, going out every sunday to watch football and drink and spending evenings at his mates drinking or, as last Friday, at the pub after work.............'well, you have a dog'...........and........'you should get a hobby'.

He says he won't change and sport will always be important. I said that's fine, but we need to be doing stuff together, or at least spending time together as well.

I've told him I don't think he will ever change and that him acting like a single person is too ingrained in him - he said' so you think I'm selfish'

I certainly do, I said.........

wasn't going to bore you with the ins and outs :rolleyes: guess that was kind of the potted verseion.............

ok, well, him spending money on going out etc is important to him, more important than spending time doing things with you. Well, there are things that are important to you, paying off your debts and simply being able to live without the stress of money issues. So, all of the things that he takes from you, like hot water, electricity for the tv, food (I know he pays for some of this) aren't as important to you as being financially settled so therefore have to go.

I would bloody well make sure there is no hot water in the mornings so he has to take a cold shower, I'd bloody well flip the switch on the electricity fuse box when he wants to watch tv and sit there with a candle reading a book.

If he wants to act like he's a single bloke he can live like one, and that means you get nothing unless you provide it yourself.

Now, dry those eyes and brush yourself off, you are moving forwards in leaps and bounds, you're almost there with getting through the cruella episode and the effects of that. How far forward is he moving? Um, nowhere, he'll be the same bloke doing the same things till the day he dies. The only difference will be is that one day when you are in your perfect job and are oozing confidence you'll look at him and say 'on your bike, I can have any man I want... and that aint you sunshine'.

(Land_of)_Maz

oh BB - you deserve so much more than what this bloke is giving you... in fact dare i say it apart from being able to say you have a bloke, what benefits are there?

You're a gorgeous, vivacious, intelligent, domestic goddess, sexy woman who is wasted on a 45 year old kevin the teenager.......

You deserve to have someone love you in all the ways you deserve...... don't settle for his craap...

if he wasn't there, what would you miss, honestly?

You get more give and take in your relationship with your ex than you do with current bloke....

Know your own worth BB... or noone else will....

Love you babes...... (said that incase i sound harsh!)

jinky67

Burlesque_Babe wrote: »

shiite start to the day. Been crying and now look like a puffed up tomato.

Won't bore you with the ins and outs but it revolves around OH and his selfishness in living all aspects of his life basically as a separate person, the fact that he 'can't afford' to go to football/drink/socialise with his friends AND do something/anything with me (so guess which he chooses every week) and after tearfully telling him that I am tired with struggling with all aspects of life on my own each day, his response is 'well I don't understand why you got yourself into this position in the first place'........he says he can't understand why I got myself a job which I was too good for 14 months ago, why I bother with AQA, why I just don't 'go and get myself a full time job'.

So I explained, as calmly as I could the shiite in my head after what I went through with Cruella (like he didn't know?!) and that I now feel better enough to get a better job, but until I can, then I have to work with what I have because the job market isn't exactly teeming with jobs.

Oh, and in response to him spending hundreds over the last couple of weeks on going to football matches, going out every sunday to watch football and drink and spending evenings at his mates drinking or, as last Friday, at the pub after work.............'well, you have a dog'...........and........'you should get a hobby'.

He says he won't change and sport will always be important. I said that's fine, but we need to be doing stuff together, or at least spending time together as well.

I've told him I don't think he will ever change and that him acting like a single person is too ingrained in him - he said' so you think I'm selfish'

I certainly do, I said.........

wasn't going to bore you with the ins and outs :rolleyes: guess that was kind of the potted verseion.............

no girlie pish from me hun;):D but you know what i think anyway:cool:

(Land_of)_Maz

Jinks - are you saying my post was girlie pish?!? (don't you go telling that bloke of yours i was giving out unsolicited relationship advice will you....)

jinky67

(Land_of)_Maz wrote: »

Jinks - are you saying my post was girlie pish?!? (don't you go telling that bloke of yours i was giving out unsolicited relationship advice will you....)

no no not at all:A

and :D:rotfl:

LouiseJ

BB...............:grouphug:

Only you know why you stay with him I guess, but how long can you keep living with someone who seems to drain your soul........and your resources?

What do you get out of this deal?

We are all proud of you, but he should be the proudest:o

Burlesque_Babe

(Land_of)_Maz wrote: »

wasted on a 45 year old kevin the teenager.......

actually, he's 50 :eek: and 1/2 :eek:

(Land_of)_Maz wrote:

Love you babes...... (said that incase i sound harsh!)

no, not harsh at all.

I just needed to let it out, sorry.

it's not all about money, it's about being a couple, a team, a partnership. I explained all this and he said that my idea of a couple was 'messed up in my head'.......I said so 'normal' couples spend EVERY weekend apart and have done for the whole of their relationship? And 'normal' is turning up when 1 half feels like it, eating, falling asleep, getting sh1tty when I try to ask him to come to bed, getting up, showering, leaving........and then repeated ad nauseum 7 days a week? And doing NOTHING together?? I don't want to be living in each other's pockets, doing the hand holding down the street, lovely dovey joined at the hip malarkey, but I would just like - for once - to, say, go out on a Sunday afternoon for a drive, perhaps go to a country house, lunch at a pub? Just - for me - what 'normal ' couples do?? I can't see how this is a 'messed up' idea of what other people do........

Anyway, I've laid it on the line. When he said that his sport was important and he always chose it over doing anything with me because he can only afford one (like a walk in a wood costs anything), then I said he needs to think hard about the priorities in his life because if sport is more important than me -and always will be - then he might as well be single.

I would never ask him - or any man - to give up their hobbies etc, but I do want to be high enough up the pecking order to be given consideration as to what they are going to be doing from day to day.

Burlesque_Babe

but in other news..........I have just got back from my teaching qual. class and I have been offered 10 hours teaching. ..............teaching IT :eek: (never taught anything in that subject before, but volunteered :rolleyes:)..........starting this Saturday :eek::eek::eek::eek: