Girlfriend wants us to get married. I can see us going back to square one

LilacPixie

I had a fairytale wedding, it cost just under 5k including a weeks honeymoon in spain.

What we did was had a civil ceremony in a hotel with only our parents, brothers, sisters and their partners. We married at 3pm then photos a light meal then it was the reception. I actually have my own business making jewellery and tiaras so I did that myself, my dress was a small fortune but was at cost price so I paid way less than the actual price KWIM. The men wore hired kilts, I had two bridesmaids and they wore dresses off the peg in debenhams with shoes from Barrets. Photographer, flowers and cake were all small local suppliers. The hotel we chose had lovely grounds so pictures were done there and in the evening we had a hot/cold buffet and invited who WE wanted too not who our parents did.

fairydiamond

I hope you both get everything you want without a debt at the end of it. I don't think I could enjoy my wedding if I knew I'd gone into debt for it.

Floxxie

At the time we got married we had £44k worth of debt and a one year old. OH booked everything we needed and I went shopping with my boss for an outfit. We married 3 weeks later with 3 people as our witnesses and had a lovely meal afterwards. It cost £3500 but we have platinum rings and that took up most of the budget.

I have never regretted it as it was our marriage and between us. We are still going strong after 10 years and have paid off the (original) debts.
My parents took out large loans to pay for my three sisters marriages. They are still paying those off and all three are now divorced.

My OH was married before and his parents used their live savings for his wedding. It makes me feel really sick that his mother just lives off her pension now because she wanted to impress the relatives.

Floxxie

Johnny_Chaos

Thank you to everyone who's posted on this thread. I've tried to click the "thanks" button on every post, but apologies if I've missed anyone.

It's giving me plenty of food for though, and I'm still reading through the replies and reading other areas of the board. I'll post a longer reply later to let you know what we've decided.

Thanks again.

Johnny_Chaos

MrsPorridge wrote: »

We had a "small" wedding with 37 guests only close family and friends who we saw all the time. After the wedding we had a small reception at a Harvestor. It was great. There was no evening do and hubby and I went straight to the airport to fly out for our honeymoon. We took the decision to spend the bulk of the money on the honeymoon and not the actual wedding.

Can I just say that that sounds like heaven.

I would love a small ceremony (at a nice picturesque church or the registry office), followed by a nice restaurant meal, maybe a few drinks in the bar, and then fly out that night to somewhere hot and sunny.

I don't like discos (I prefer talking to people) so a night-do, with some cheesy DJ playing 80s music, fills me with dread.

Our family and friends are suggesting all sorts of ideas: venues, DJs, cars, buffet food, wedding favours (I'm not even sure what they are), magicians and bloody tribute bands! I've nothing against magicians and tribute bands, but they're for someone else's wedding, not mine. Someone even suggested a bloody toastmaster! Then people are saying 'you need to invite this person, or that 'so and so' will be upset if you don't invite them. These are people I generally see about ONCE every five years (usually at a wedding or funeral). These people generally have umpteen kids (whose names I don't even know), who we will no doubt have to invite, so the idea of a big do with people-I-don't-really-knows' children running riot fills me with absolute dread.

It's stress city - surely this isn't what weddings are about?

Johnny_Chaos

boo80 wrote: »

Last summer we went to 2 weddings, one of them was a church then on to a hotel, the wedding cost 47k!!!!!!! It was lovely but I can't see where the money went. The other wedding was a registry office then onto a pub/inn and we had a bbq and the wedding cake was doughnuts, guess which one was more fun???

That's something I can relate to.

Thinking back to the weddings I have attended. My favourite was one were they had a service in a church, followed by a buffet in a small local pub and then everyone got happily drunk. The worst was one where they had singers in the church, a different venue for the photos, a different venue for the meal, and then another drive to the night do and buffet (which I didn't touch because I was too full after the meal). Nobody knew what was happening next, but it must have cost of fortune.

The first wedding had soul, the second one didn't.

Hollyberry

Johnny_Chaos wrote: »

It's stress city - surely this isn't what weddings are about?

Time for you and Mrs JC-to-be to have the chat, methinks. Can you take time to go somewhere lovely, quiet and meaningful to you (for OH and I, that was sitting on the river bank), and try to list out all the things you really want from the day? What are you in agreement about, and where does your ideal day look different? What compromises could there be if necessary?

I think it's great you know what you really don't want; that's a great start to getting away from stress city asap. Don't let anyone put pressure on you to do what they expect; the day belongs to you two, and the decisions are yours. If something is not contributing to that happiness, then does it really need to be part of your plans?

Good luck to you both, and try not to stress too much. It can be a bit hectic in the planning, but it does all seem to work out in the end, even if that's a bit differently from what you expected at the start.

Ossireo

I think there are so many posts that can show you can have a good wedding on a budget so I thought I may as well air mine too! We took the cheaper root when it came to the wedding 10 years ago (much to the MIL dismay!) adn in all honesty we could have done it even cheaper if we actually tried as it was not really my intention to have a cheap wedding, I just didnt want a huge church wedding etc We had it all in a local hotel by the coast, and even though we are now divorced we still say it was one of the best parties!... we even had calls for as good a divorce party :rotfl:.

Ceremony started at 3pm, we got married, had drinks in the gardens and photos there and by the coast (walking distance) whilst the hotel prepared the room for the reception. We had a local Jazz trio that were family friends playing (jungle book theme was 1st song as it was a funny memory for me and OH!) then we went in for the hot buffet reception (about 30 family guests). Later on about 7.30pm the evening guests started to arrive .. all of MIL friends etc settled themselves in the hotel bar/lounge and our friends were in the function room .. a rather ample buffet was served then people started heading back home about 10pm onwards .. except for most of our immediate friends ... we dragged the hotels piano to the function room and the guys were playing and singing till the early hours. The hotel had been booked out by our friends and some family, so we had breakfast with them all in the morning then headed off for our honeymoon in Turkey. Cost no more then £5,000 and a large chunk of that was the honeymoon (I think the hotel bill came to £2,400 in total with both buffets and drinks after the ceremony etc! The FIL paid and he was dead chuffed it was so cheap as a cousin had got married earlier that year and it was a LOT more lol)

We still had the dress (end of season, picked it up when I was xmas shopping, only popped in for a laugh to try some on! £220!), flowers (about £200 from a local florist, included my massive bouquet and my bridesmaids one, button holes and table arrangements), hired suits for the guys, photographer, no cars as it was all in one location, I had my hair done in town (and yes I drove the 20 miles to the venue wearing a veil and my jeans!) I did my own make up (got some tips from the stands in Boots lol), did my own nails (after practicing for weeks I managed to do a decent french manicure!) my mum made the cake (and mini heart cakes that the guests had as favours)

I may be bias, but I think we looked as good as any huge budget wedding couples lol! Me & OH and Me & Bridesmaid ... if I was to get married for a 2nd time, then it would most likely be more low key as this time I would be more conscious of money ... elvis in vegas here I come!

katelu

My best friend had a beautiful fairy tale wedding on a budget and we all still talk about it 9 years on (and never mention those fancy over the top ones we went to which all merge into each other!)

They got married at 5pm on a February weekend. They then had their reception in the local pub with a hot buffet and mulled wine. After toasts and cake cutting they left at 9.30ish on their honeymoon and the landlord of the pub invited a local band to come and play for the rest of us till chucking out time. She said that her expenses were about £1200 for the food/venue, £150 for the cake, she got the dress off the peg in Debenhams (and it was stunning!) for less than £300 and her flowers were about £50. So a beautiful wedding for not to nasty a price tag.:T

CAFCGirl

if it helps your decision making process in having "the chat" with your gf, my DH and I got married for £2k including a 8 day honeymoon to New York....

We got married at City Hall NYC, and my wedding dinner was at Starbucks, a gingerbread hot choc and a donut!
My wedding dress cost £25 and I rode on the subway downtown with my wedding dress on, jeans and ugg boots on (mid march)....

And honest to god everytime i think back to it, I think about how I wouldnt have done it any other way! It was our day which was just so "us".......
we didnt have any arguments at all because we wanted to be married, not have a wedding..... I'd ask your gf where her priorities lie, in making a life together happy, or making random people happy for a day (if youre lucky!)

Good luck with it all!