Girlfriend wants us to get married. I can see us going back to square one

fairydiamond

My reception is £1000. That is a three course meal for 50 people in a lovely hotel. I think that is a good deal.

If you shop around you can get some good deals. I read in my local newspaper about a couple getting married for £2,500. If you save up you can do it.

If you can't afford everything to be 'big', then don't do it. If your family want a big do, tell them they have to pay for it. Simple!

Tigerlilley1980

Hi there. I am having an MSE wedding. It is costing us £2000 for everything. We are having everything we want, how we want, and jut doing lots of shopping around. Mind you, I totally don't understand why people have to invite people they haven't seen for years in an attempt to impress. Getting married is about love and commitment, not the amount of people you have there.

I have a thread in the wedding section called Tiger's wedding thread, (do a search for it). Where I am attempting to list every MS thing we do with the wedding. There are tonnes of tips. Good luck x

poppy10_2

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1045971/The-credit-crunch-bride-wore-50-wedding-dress-says-felt-like-million-dollars-weds-man.html

Fire_Fox

Johnny_Chaos wrote: »

I have been with my girlfriend for just under 7 years. We live together, we're happy. She's quite fit, got a nice bum - sorry, I mean "nice personality" - and I love her. :heartsmil

Now my g/f wants to get married :eek: She's thinking of next year.

I've tried (gently) talking her out of it, but, and don't take this the wrong way, but weddings, women and logical thinking aren't the cosiest of bedmates. I've suggested we pay off the remaining debt, and then start saving in earnest, and if finances are ship-shape in three or four years time we can plan for a wedding.

Any advice, folks?

If you have been together seven years, your girlfriend is in her mid-twenties or older. She will be being constantly asked by friends and family when you are getting married, she might be starting to get a bit broody. Telling her you might consider marrying her in a few years time is not going to cut the mustard.

You have every right to refuse to get into debt for your big day, but this must be tempered with concrete evidence that you do actually want to marry her sometime soon. I would suggest you get together a selection of documents that show you mean business. Firstly an up to date set of accounts showing where you are financially at present, and predicted date for paying off the last of the debts. Possibly suggestions for how you can cut back to pay these off more quickly.

Then you want options for getting married - rough costings for a wedding abroad, costings for the average wedding (I think £20k), costings for an MSE wedding from this website. Predicted dates for being able to save up each amount of money. Tell your girlfriend in no uncertain terms (perhaps cook a candlelit meal) that you do want to marry her, and you are willing to do so next year IF the money can be saved in time. She will work out for herself that she must choose between an expensive day in a few years time and the date of her choice on a sensible budget. If she gets difficult ask her if she wants the big wedding day or she wants a long marriage to the man she loves.

The_Golden_Goose

You could always get married abroad just the two of you and come back to a big lavish evening party with a DJ and a buffet.

Your friends and family would understand.

Lets face it, these days wedding seem to be all about the guests enjoyment and Jack all to do with the bride and groom.

If you don't want a full on OTT event with an OTT cost, then don't do it. Suggest leaving your credit card statements with the balances owing on them lying around for her to see and hopefully she'll soon twig on.

We paid for our wedding before the big day. Nothing worse in my mind to have a wonderful wedding and honeymoon and then still be paying it off for months or years afterwards.

Again, we did the honeymoon present idea. Worked very well and loads of our friends are also doing it too. Makes sense esp if you already co-habit.

Good luck and keep posting.

The_Golden_Goose

or what Fire Fox said!

Perfectly put FF!!!!!!

sukysue

i think you should get married but have a wonderful time planning to the nth degree how cheap you can do it all for. I mean you should beg steal and borrow!Get the family roped in on it or of course you could just surprise her and whisk her off to the registry office just the two of you now if you had organised that yourself that would be soooo romantic. Of course if she is the type of woman who wants to spend loads on a big wedding then she has talked herself into a long wait unless daddy will pay for it!!!!

rheme

pebblespop wrote: »

i have heard about couples who negotiate the repayment of the loan for the wedding in the divorce settlement!

That says it all!!

Stick within your financial boundaries and as others have said, if family don't like it tell them to cough up.

themaccas

She wants the fairytale and that's normal for her to feel like that. All/most girls want a fairytale wedding, you just need to work out which bits of the fairytale are most important and you can afford. Does she want a knockout dress and compromise on the reception. We had a fab wedding on a strict budget but there were things I really wanted. A perfect dress and car to arrive in. We then had a buffet sit down reception in a lovely hotel much cheaper than a full cooked meal. Cake was made by friends, didn't have any flowers in the church but did have bouquet and button holes, we had a photographer but had a really, really limited amount of photos in the album because of the cost. We also had no honeymoon as we figured we could go when we saved back up (took us 3 years!). We were 19 and 22 at the time and had to pay for the whole thing ourselves and although I enjoyed the day it really is for other people to enjoy too. With hindsight I would have gone off the the Caribbean and married on a beach wedding and honeymoon in one! I regret not having a honeymoon more than anything.

homealone_2

i did exactly as your girl friend wants. we were comfortable, disposable income, very few debts then bang the wedding!! we decided we did not want to go down the save now marry later and so started planning. initially we used money left at end of month to start buying bits and pieces but before we knew where we were we made huge dent in savings and then started battering the credit card. as we went along it seemed to cost more. i had been married before and had a big do he hadnt, he had the wedding in a registry office and sandwich in the pub and i wanted it to be as special as possible. soon i was buying fancy wedding boxer shorts with groom on them with matching socks and cufflinks, that was £100 alone. we were restricted to 30 guests who ended up being all his family and just 5 of mine, the 10 bottles of champagne for the toast and photos, paid for as a wedding gift by my mum ended up in 10 additional bottles as his family drank the lot and was [EMAIL="p@@@d"]p@@@d[/EMAIL] before we sat down to to eat,but yet again it was his first big do so i didnt mind. then there was 2 weeks in mexico and on and on i wont go further. but what started as a £6000 wedding ended up costing £16000!! that was 2003 and i would say we are still paying for it now, but i am as we broke up 5 months ago. i had an accident and was unable to work and all the pressures from our debt which then doubled as i was not working was a major part of the break up!

now i am not for one minute thinking the same would happen to you, but just wanted to see how things can escalate with a weddings cost. you think oh hell its only £20 more than that one, but thats how it goes on. as someone wisely said on here. does she want a wedding or a marriage??? i wanted the marriage, my husband wanted the wedding and i am paying for it now owing £30,000 all in my name!! just give it lots of thought and apologies to everyone else for boring you silly