Girlfriend wants us to get married. I can see us going back to square one

Johnny_Chaos

I have been with my girlfriend for just under 7 years. We live together, we're happy. She's quite fit, got a nice bum - sorry, I mean "nice personality" - and I love her. :heartsmil

Three years ago we had credit card debt, a secured loan, an unsecured loan, store cards, you name, but we made the decision to pay them off. We got rid of the secured loan, just have a repayment mortgage and I have an outstanding unsecured loan and OD.

Anyway, I am still paying off the outstanding debts, and it hope to have it paid off by this time next year. There's light at the end of the tunnel. A combination of debts being paid off, low interest rates (mortgage payments are next to nothing) and a wage rise on my part, has meant our disposable income is pretty good. I am using this income to pay off my final debts as quickly as possible.

Now my g/f wants to get married :eek:

She's thinking of next year.

I can just see us going back to square one. It's unlikely we will get much help from our parents, so we will paying for a wedding ourselves. I don't want to have to borrow for a wedding. I also know that rates may go up next year and chip into our disposable income. But the big family do she has in mind isn't going to be something we can save for in 12 months.

I've tried (gently) talking her out of it, but, and don't take this the wrong way, but weddings, women and logical thinking aren't the cosiest of bedmates. I've suggested we pay off the remaining debt, and then start saving in earnest, and if finances are ship-shape in three or four years time we can plan for a wedding.

Any advice, folks?

hermanmunster_3

How about a MSE wedding ? I'm sure there have been sone threads on this....

Main problem is trying to convince her that you don't need to spend loads on the do, a wedding is a wedding after all....

angelflower_2

yeah...i would say that. She either wants a marriage or a wedding. If you are not objecting to the marriage, then suggest it will have to be an MSE one as you dont want to start life in debt for one day. Suggest a romantic wedding overseas where you wont have lots of guests then just have a party when you get back?

Horace

There are lots of tips for an MSE wedding over on the Special Occasions board - in the weddings section.

No need to get into more debt either so no need to spend ridiculous amounts of money on a wedding, you can get married on a shoestring.

RAS

Agree

Is it marriage or the wedding you have issues with.

If it is only the latter, suggest that she can choose

1. MSE wedding next year
or
2. Big job saved for in 3/4 years.

Johnny_Chaos

It's not the marriage I have issues with, it's the wedding. If someone came along and offered to pay for it, I would happily do it tomorrow.

A quiet wedding with mums, dads, brothers, sisters and a few close friends, would be ideal for me.

Problem is: our families want a big do - aunts, uncles, cousins I never even see, relatives who I can't stand the sight of. My girlfriend also wants a big lavish do.

I'll have a look at the wedding board. Sorry, maybe I should have posted this in there.

Uniscots97

Johnny_Chaos wrote: »

It's not the marriage I have issues with, it's the wedding. If someone came along and offered to pay for it, I would happily do it tomorrow.

A quiet wedding with mums, dads, brothers, sisters and a few close friends, would be ideal for me.

Problem is: our families want a big do - aunts, uncles, cousins I never even see, relatives who I can't stand the sight of. My girlfriend also wants a big lavish do.

I'll have a look at the wedding board. Sorry, maybe I should have posted this in there.

Don't apologise. I'm organising my wedding and got a real fright at some of the prices places quoted me as soon as I mentioned the 'w' word. I'm still trying to organise mine but getting there slowly. Saved loads already using advice given here.

Uniscots97

p.s. If you want a quiet do without lots of people you never would see otherwise then do it. Its your day not theirs.

jayss

If parents are not contributing they dont get a say on the guest list.

I hope you find a good comprimise, well done on the work you've done so far.

Honeybee_2

If it's a big family do you're (or rather your missus) is wanting, have your ceremony at 3pm, then go straight into the evening buffet. When looking into weddings, I found that the most expensive bit was the sit down meal, £35 per head x 100 guests, you do the maths.

also, the venues seem to offer drinks packages so everyone gets a drink on arrival. I looked closely on what I was offered and they were wanting to charge £4 odd per person for a glass of perry that costs £2 odd per huge bottle.

Needless to say, we went to Gretna Green instead, lol.

ebonylight

Johnny_Chaos wrote: »

Problem is: our families want a big do - aunts, uncles, cousins I never even see, relatives who I can't stand the sight of. My girlfriend also wants a big lavish do.

If they want it they can pay for it!! If you get married in the summer you could have a garden wedding, they are more and more popular now, and at very little cost. I fancy one of those one day (when I've found someone stupid enough to marry me)

The best thing I would suggest is, if you live together you must have all your house hold stuff, right? So instead of a wedding list, ask people to contribute to a "honeymoon fund" - they don't have to tell you how much they give as it's usually a bank account your parents can hold for you. Then you can choose how to spend the money - whether its on the day or on the honeymoon. I have a couple of sets of friends that did this last year and they both agreed it was much better than getting four different sets of champagne glasses.