Girlfriend wants us to get married. I can see us going back to square one

noynoy

a wedding isnt one day but the rest of your lives..you dont need to waste money on showing other people how much you love each other weddings can be done very cheeply and effectively (mine cost 5k for everything but even that was too much !) you can allways ask for things like wedding flowers, cake , moeny towards a honeymoon, payment for disco instead of gifts seeing as you live together..i wouldnt bother buying an expensive dress as what do you do with after the big day? stick it in the attic hoping your duaghter might want to wear it(although she most likley wont and you might not have a daughter!) i made my wedding boquets from £1 and hair accesorries and jewlerry came from clares accessories bhs has some fantasic bridal sales with bridesmaids dresses from £25 ..perhaps something else say people can be bridesmaids but as there gift they have to buy thier dress?
as i said its all very well haveing a big flash wedding and showing the world how much you love each other but you dont need to spend loads to show the world how much you love each other ..thats no ones business but your own i know people who spent 20k getting wed and are still paying it off 7 years later and this is a typical amount

good luck and hopefully congrats ? x

pinkshoes

Weddings are over-rated! You spend a fortune, all those relatives you don't even like pick fault with every little detail, people moan at the cost of having to get there, stay in a hotel etc...

Just have a very small wedding with parents and siblings only, then go out for a nice meal.

If she wants a big do, then surely she can understand that she'll have to wait another few years so you can afford it?

What does she want more - a marriage to you, or a lavish wedding???

poorbabe

Hi JC

Congrats on the debt reduction. Stick with it as you're doing great.

Now as for the missus' desire for a 'grand show', I wish you luck on somehow moderating her desires downwards. As others have pointed out the important people are the two of you, the priest or official and witnesses, everyone else are just 'extras' well-loved though they might be

My three older brothers are married: The eldest did his and reluctantly told us way afterwards, the second was going for a small family one, but there was a family row (Mum wanting to control things) so the bride went for a 'closed' function. Third bruv had a small wedding as both he and his wife have 5 siblings/in-laws and their children. OK so it wasn't too small, but the point I'm making is they did it their way whether the rest of us like it or not. You must get the missus to see your point of view, especially with regard to the financing of it and tell everybody else to (politely) knock off, unless they are handing over hard cash.

Wish you much success and hope you get to the 'day' without too much aggro :easter_os:wave:

noynoy

i wish id done that me and a few friends and family then payed for nice meal

ninky_2

Johnny_Chaos wrote: »

It's not the marriage I have issues with, it's the wedding. If someone came along and offered to pay for it, I would happily do it tomorrow.

A quiet wedding with mums, dads, brothers, sisters and a few close friends, would be ideal for me.

Problem is: our families want a big do - aunts, uncles, cousins I never even see, relatives who I can't stand the sight of. My girlfriend also wants a big lavish do.

I'll have a look at the wedding board. Sorry, maybe I should have posted this in there.

as a female who paid for our wedding and did it moneysaving style i really think you need to get through to your girlfriend the reasons for not having a big lavish do.

i spent 300 quid on our wedding, the most expensive thing being the dress (£70). friends and family did a buffet spread at cost, we had a few bottles of fizz and pay bar. i did my own flowers etc. venue was donated by OH's work.

why don't you first work out how much you want to spend on a wedding a go from there.

i really don't understand people (usually women) who think it's their birthright to have a big lavish wedding when they can't afford it. i mean really, where do they expect the money to come from? i'll tell you. debt. and usually their partners debt. what does that say for the attitude they have to their partner?

the most special thing about my wedding day was having friends and family there. the fact that some of them could help out with the wedding (food, cake, invites etc) just made it all the more special.

why not sit down and write a list of the most important aspects of your wedding day and ask around as to who could do what.

honestly, the sense of community you get from everyone mucking in to make your day great is far better than all the anonymous overpriced nonsense you could pay for from wedding services, companies etc.

when you look back at the photos do you want to think "ooh yes, that's the cake auntie bess made out of the kindness of her heart" or, "that's the cake we had sleepless nights worrying about the design of and no one will remember it anyway and now we are going to be paying for it for the next five years plus the interest will make it even more expensive".

hmmmm

pebblespop

i have heard about couples who negotiate the repayment of the loan for the wedding in the divorce settlement!

bevan840

At the end of the day you both need to sit down, no distractions, and talk through what you both would like and come to a compromise, I agree with the people who say about wanting the perfect wedding or to be married to each other, because if she does want 'The Perfect Day' you will need time to save. I got married last year and at the end of it me and my husband were glad we decided to do things the way we wanted and not the way others were telling us to, one person refused to come because we wouldn't do it their way! But we still had a smashing day! I did all our invitations and thank you letters myself, as well as a picture collage as a little gift for those that had given us something (help or gift) and they all seemed to appreciate it.
Good Luck I'm sure you will get things worked out as to what you do/dont want to do

MrsPorridge

Its just not worth bankrupting yourself for one day. After all, its the actual marriage that is important. Is it just that your gf wants a big do (regardless of whether its a wedding, birthday or anniversary)? You both need to sit down and talk honestly about this. You have done so well to pay off so much debt, it would be a crying shame to go back to square one.

We had a "small" wedding with 37 guests only close family and friends who we saw all the time. After the wedding we had a small reception at a Harvestor. It was great. There was no evening do and hubby and I went straight to the airport to fly out for our honeymoon. We took the decision to spend the bulk of the money on the honeymoon and not the actual wedding.

nzmegs

People will respect you more for admitting you want to keep costs to aminimum. I hate these lavish weddings with no thought to how much their little "bash" has cost. The horrible thought is that a few years later they are still arguing about how to pay it off.
Our wedding was £3000 and included a flight from NZ for my Mum and a honeymoon in Bath. My dress was £80, and my ring was my grandmothers, we got married on a thursdy to save on costs and didin't have flowers. But we had enough money for a sit down meal and enough booze for all 35 guests.
Yes, I was lucky my family couldn't all come (I would have loved them to be there, but it did keep costs down) and we were picky about who we invited.

This was 10 years ago but i believe it can still be done. tell your girlfriend she will have to downsize her ideas or wait.

fairydiamond

It is hard to make everything cheap. Mine is costing roughly £5,000. My parents are paying for it and I can't feel any luckier than I do!

My dress alone was £650...but with tiara, veil, dress alterations, it has shot up to above £800. Everything mounts up quickly. You can do it fairly cheaply but its difficult.