My Mum favours my sister

1sttimer_2

My sister was the favourite too! She is 5 yrs older than me, and she had 2 children(different fathers very frowned upon) before she married someone else and had more children. Mum & Dad practically brought up 1st born till she had 2nd when she got council flat and left home. They helped set up home, gave her as much as they could. I went down 'normal' route, got married, home and then children, but didn't get any help at all. Sis lived closer to them (walking distance) and didn't drive but I lived further away but could drive so I had to do all the toing and froing with 2 little ones.

After mum died, (when my sis's children were at school but mine weren't)I had to look after dad because she 'couldn't' and when he was ill my oh and i sorted out hospital/nursing care etc. but when things were coming to the end of dad's life, she stepped in to 'take care of things' as she was eldest and took whatever she wanted! Althogh unknown to her, dad gave me all their Xmas gifts that mum had bought for my sis and her hubby before she died so that she didn't get anything. So it seems dad was aware of what went on but couldn't say or do anything about it.

I've got good memories and I get on well with sis so I don't begrudge anything I did, and would do it all again as once they'd gone, I didn't want to ruin what family I had.

Best of luck and thinking of you. It's just like the parable of the prodigal son! Things like this have always happened and will always do so. You will get through it all and you know you will still do it because you want to.

fatpiggy

My older sister has always been the favourite too. I know I got handmedowns for financial reasons, but even now, when I'm 44 and my sister is 47, I still get other people's cast-offs from my family. Mum often pays my sister's bills eg. car servicing/repairs, whereas I have always saved up and paid my own. She also gets lots of food although of course she lives about 15 miles from mum whereas I'm over 300 miles away. It makes me laugh that my parents always drummed on about equality, and if I got something she had to have the same value in cash, when it rarely worked the other way, and I know she has received shedloads of cash that I never saw a sniff of. My sister had a 21st birthday party - I sat alone in my University digs for mine. Ah well, that's families for you.

snowmaid

I firmly believe in staying close as a family and I have always championed this on here. But lately I have come to see that it is me keeping close....:o

I have realised that it is me making the phonecalls, inviting round, suggesting we get together on holidays etc. I left phoning my sister and mom for the week....I haven't had a call. We usually speak every second day....:o

My sister lost her wedding band, my mom 'lent' her the one she inherited from my Gran. This was years ago. I asked my mom the other day whether she has got that back and whether my sister had replaced hers....my mom said no. I asked my mom outright whether she has given it to her. My mom looked extremely uncomfortable and said 'I might as well'.

That hurt me because I am the oldest child and it is tradition in our family that 'heirlooms' go to the first daughter...It is not the ring itself, which is pretty, but it is the gesture and what it signifies.

My mom will change plans with me to go visit my sister up North. Christmas last year my sister couldn't make it, my mom went up to her.

My mom lent my sister and brother a lot of money, which they have never paid back. When I was struggling and needed help she lent it to me, but every payday would phone me to find out if I was making a payment towards it. I never missed one.

It is an awful realisation and I must admit a painful one. I can only ensure that I don't do the same to my children and try stay very concious of this.

Please parents, don't do this to your children.

babs2008

snowmaid wrote: »

I firmly believe in staying close as a family and I have always championed this on here. But lately I have come to see that it is me keeping close....:o

I have realised that it is me making the phonecalls, inviting round, suggesting we get together on holidays etc. I left phoning my sister and mom for the week....I haven't had a call. We usually speak every second day....:o

My sister lost her wedding band, my mom 'lent' her the one she inherited from my Gran. This was years ago. I asked my mom the other day whether she has got that back and whether my sister had replaced hers....my mom said no. I asked my mom outright whether she has given it to her. My mom looked extremely uncomfortable and said 'I might as well'.

That hurt me because I am the oldest child and it is tradition in our family that 'heirlooms' go to the first daughter...It is not the ring itself, which is pretty, but it is the gesture and what it signifies.

My mom will change plans with me to go visit my sister up North. Christmas last year my sister couldn't make it, my mom went up to her.

My mom lent my sister and brother a lot of money, which they have never paid back. When I was struggling and needed help she lent it to me, but every payday would phone me to find out if I was making a payment towards it. I never missed one.

It is an awful realisation and I must admit a painful one. I can only ensure that I don't do the same to my children and try stay very concious of this.

Please parents, don't do this to your children.

I have the same situation with my brother. However, now I've come to think that my mother only favours my brother because she believes I am perfectly capable of looking after myself.

I think she seems to think my brother needs more help.

Don't let it upset you. The best way to deal with it is talk to your mother about it. She wont realise what she's doing.

(I used to get very angry at the supposed favouritism. Once I opened up (slightly) she started to explain why)

scouserwench

I used to feel like My brother was always Favourite, but Now I dont feel like that Anymore. My Brother is out of work and has had alot of Crap happen to him. My Folks have done enough for me in my eyes and would rather they look out for my bro who hasnt got alot. I sometimes wish My bro would help himself at times, but it's like he lacks some sort of confidence.

snowmaid

babs2008 wrote: »

I have the same situation with my brother. However, now I've come to think that my mother only favours my brother because she believes I am perfectly capable of looking after myself.

I think she seems to think my brother needs more help.

Don't let it upset you. The best way to deal with it is talk to your mother about it. She wont realise what she's doing.

(I used to get very angry at the supposed favouritism. Once I opened up (slightly) she started to explain why)

It dawned on me that this is possibly exactly the reason. When there is a crisis, so to speak, or someone needs help with something, it is me they turn to, straight away. Everyone says that I am the strong one in the family and I have always been the independent one, from young.

Reading my post it sounds as if I am feeling sorry for myself, not at all! I don't. But I must admit it isn't nice when the rose tinted glasses are taken off.

As far as my mom and knowing what she is doing....I think she does realise the situation, but feels embarrassed. There is nothing menacing about her actions. My sister and her are very much alike and perhaps that is why they are closer.

Perhaps in a way my mom feels a little intimidated by me, as I always seem to be the 'logical', quick thinking, problem solving one! :rolleyes: And I guess I am.