My Mum favours my sister

RebekahR

Oh I know all about this too. My sister has always been the favourite and used to be a goodie goodie. Since she went to college she turned around. She has had loads of boyfriends/sleeping partners. Easily 10-20 in 5 or so years. She is always in a "relationship" or sleeping around. She thinks there is nothing wrong with two timing her men and jumping straight from one man to the next. She is always moving back home to dads house (parents are split up) and she hardly contributes to any house keepings. All she has to do is go to daddy and she gets as much money as she wants and her bills paid for her. She is back home at the moment and has left and been back many many times.
She is just using dad. And my mum never speaks to me but she loves my sister to bits. If she does come on msn messenger she is always talking to my sister but never talks to me. If she does she only asks where my sister is and why she isn't on msn. She was offered to come and stay with us for a few days but she said no because my sister was working and she wouldn't get to see her. No wanting to spend time with me ...

Gillby1

Xxdeebeexx,

I wonder if you could look at this from a different perspective?

Siblings who are brought up in the same household, with the same parents, may still have totally different personalities and needs. I know my younger sister receives a lot more time, support and money from my parents than I do (recently, at least), but I also realise that I’ve always been much more independent and have distanced myself from my parents a lot more than she has – I left home at a much younger age etc... I am also aware that I’m not as easy to get on with as my very relaxed, laid back sister, and that therefore my parents treat me very differently. However, I know that they still love me to bits, and I suspect that they just take it for granted that I don’t need as much support from them.

Is it possible that your situation is similar (perhaps not re finances, but in other ways)? Has your sister always demanded attention whilst you’ve done your own thing?

I do understand that you put in far more effort than she does, and I know for a fact that I’ll be taking care of the practical things when my parents are older, whilst my sister sits back and relaxes! But that’s my role in the family, and I suppose it suits me! I hope you can work things out, and that your parents are able to express their gratitude in future.

Gilly x

Susan_Frost

I think you need to tell your parents how you feel. Not in an angry way, but also asking them why they treat you differently and how they see the situation.

Print off these messages, so if they dont really understand where you are coming from, they can read all this for themselves later, and maybe have some realisation of what they are doing to you.

No-one would expect you to withdraw your help completely, but some of the suggestions on here should be taken up. You do need to put your own family at least equal with them, if not first.

Good luck

Curious_George_2

Barneysmom wrote: »

Mother's Day a couple of weeks ago
My sis bought mom the 'Little Book of Quotes' and made her a bead necklace.

I gave mom 31 packets of cat food and a cheque for £30 toward her tyre for her fiesta..

Who do you think is favourite, not me 'cos I do the boring stuff..........

It's just the way ot is.

but thats what you bought her, you could have done less
you could have given her a homemade card and a bunch of daffs,

if your mum isnt going to appreicate what you do (no matter what you do) then dont put yourself out,

xxdeebeexx

Thank you all for your comments and support. I'm feeling a bit better today and a lot more positive.

My parents definitely need someone with them when they see the hospital doctors, as, they are quite forgetful and, what they do remember can get distorted and confused. (Recently Dad forgot that he had suffered a heart attack in the past, and Mum forgot she was allergic to penicillin). Once mum was given the wrong medication at the hospital and, had I not been there, asking endless questions, she may well have taken it with awful consequences.

Mostly I am happy to take them to their hospital appointments.
I need to accept that these are my parents possessions and they can do what they want with them and that money, and ‘things’ can’t buy happiness.

However, I need to start considering my own needs a bit more. I haven’t popped in today (my sister was there so I know they must be well) and so I was able to finish my chores hours earlier than usual.

I simply can’t withdraw my help now, as I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if …..
I plan to take a deep breath, accept that this is how it is, and get on with it.

Stephb1986_2

Why don't you cut down on taking them to their hospital appointment make them pay for a private carer we did with my nan after a while. They will see what you do then, distance yourself from them.

You have to look after you and your family and if your struggling maybe you should take on more hours you need money. You don't need to feel pushed out by your sister and this is how they are making you feel.

I hope your ok

Steph xxx

Swans1912

I'm in a similar situation as you, however my brother lives at home with my parents, and whenever I mention to my folks how I feel its always a matter of "well he's younger than you" or "you work and he doesn't" excuses excuses. To which I replied "oh well, he'll be the one to look after you when you're old as he'll probably be still living with you" jaws hit the floor but it made me feel a little bit better lol

Susan_Frost

Instead of calling in every day, could you make it alternate days, and just the ring other day. If there is then a problem, you could still go if needed. Cuts down the time element for you without withdrawing contact.

CelticStar

xxdeebeexx wrote: »

Thank you all for your comments and support. I'm feeling a bit better today and a lot more positive.

My parents definitely need someone with them when they see the hospital doctors, as, they are quite forgetful and, what they do remember can get distorted and confused. (Recently Dad forgot that he had suffered a heart attack in the past, and Mum forgot she was allergic to penicillin). Once mum was given the wrong medication at the hospital and, had I not been there, asking endless questions, she may well have taken it with awful consequences.

Mostly I am happy to take them to their hospital appointments.
I need to accept that these are my parents possessions and they can do what they want with them and that money, and ‘things’ can’t buy happiness.

However, I need to start considering my own needs a bit more. I haven’t popped in today (my sister was there so I know they must be well) and so I was able to finish my chores hours earlier than usual.

I simply can’t withdraw my help now, as I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if …..
I plan to take a deep breath, accept that this is how it is, and get on with it.

I sincerely wish you luck but - although you are having a better day today - you clearly aren't able to 'get on with it', which is why you felt the need to vent on here - and, to be honest, I don't blame you. You are being taken for granted and treated as second best because you are frightened about how you will feel should something happen to your parents - you are trapped by guilt. You are not a bad person for wanting a life of your own, particularly when seem to be offered very little in the way of thanks and appreciation in return for your kindness.

Anyway, I hope you find some resolution because you sound exhausted, stressed and hurt.

MRSTITTLEMOUSE

My parents were exactly the same.They had their favourite child who could'nt put a foot wrong.
It's just the way it is I'm afraid.