Debt out of control - please help

chevalier

Originally Posted by beyondhelp "I can't give him "pocket money". He works really hard all week and gets really stressed. I gave up my career to become a stay-at-home mum which probably didn't help so what right do I have to take HIS money off him???"

Because it is not his money it is both of yours. If you walked out and left children behind, he would soon become aware just how much you are contributing to the family by being a mum to your children. You say that you love him very much, but as you will know with children, it shouldn't be unconditional. Does he love you? If he does then he should be horrified at how upset you are about this, and do something about it.

Are all the loans etc in your joint names? Then if it all goes down the pan, not only will he be liable then YOU will be too, so not only will he be unable to get any credit, loan, mortgage neither will you.

If you deal with the loans etc WRITE TO THEM NOW and ask to restructure your payments. They would rather take a lesser amount than have to write off the whole of the debt.

And I agree with other posters that that much alcohol is down right dangerous. I wouldn't want to drive with him in the car even in the morning, if the consumption is late at night. So maybe the prospect of losing his job if he lost his licence through drink driving might have shock value?

Without getting him on side I don't know what else to say. One of you has to be strong and take control, and unfortunately the job has fallen to you. For your children's sake, take control, and if he doesn't like it, then ask him to find another way that doesn't put you into more debt.

Perhaps you could suggest that you both sort out a budget and then try it for 12 months (if you think he won't cheat), and then if you are no better off then to do it his way with the remortgage.

I am sorry but there is no way I would sign the papers for the remortgage. It is financial and emotional suicide to do that.

You may love him, but that doesn't mean that he can walk all over you in this way. And I am sorry but he comes across as a very selfish man.

Very best wishes wish your problem

chevalier

Beyond Help
Would love to know what the outcome was. I hope it was a happy one for all of you
chev

charliemouse

Just wanted to say your situation sounds so like my own....we owe £20K on credit cards and now have a mortgage of £181,000 (the original one was £128,000 but added debits to it 2 years ago). Our income is slightly less than yours and i am 6 months pregnant.

My husband has the same attitude & i feel as though i am banging my head against a brick wall most days. I'm sure he thinks we have a money tree growing in the garden :-)

I joined the forum a week ago & have started looking into our debts to try and find the best solution.

Best advice given to me so far was the debt advice pack that you can download from https://www.nationaldebtline.co.uk