Debt out of control - please help

Lady_E

Hi , I have jsut read through some of the pages so apologies if this has already been suggested . Would I be right in thinking that the value of your property has increased since the time that you moved in ? If it was a neccesary decison ot move i.e lack of space or was it aspirational , in so far as that was what your hubby had been aiming for the past few years? I would be inclined to sit him down without the kids or the wine and explain this constant borrowing cannot go on and eventually the bubble will burst . It may be that you sell your house ,and move to not such a good area or maybe he considers a change in his career , perhaps go for promotion or another sales job which pays better. Whatever , I still think going for an interest only mortgage with a view to changing to a repayment in a few yaers is short sighted and financially explosive . What happens if the housing market collapses ? I really feel for you and know that you have to make some really difficult decisions but you have come to the right place for advice and support . If the worse comes to the absolute worse , have you got parents that could at least finance the kids activities ?

sparkle84

Sorry to go on about this but is it a joint mortgage? if so please refuse to sign the papers perhaps this will help focus your husbands mind on how strongly you feel about the situation you find yourselves in. At some point (if you haven't already reached it) you are going to go into negative equity. The is a very strong chance the bank will refuse this remortgage anyway

pinkbantam

Hi there, I just wanted to say that I really admire the way you are so aware of your situation and so determined to do something about it. I really empathise with you when you talk about justifying your husband's smoking etc., that is not a nice situation to be in, its not as b&w as just stopping this here or doing something else there. Debt is an emotional issue too. I agree with the person who said not to sign the forms. If you sign you are agreeing to something that in fact you disagree with - your husband is asserting his right to stand his ground and so shuold you (again, not that b&w but its true!)

Please try and stay strong - maybe you could arrange an appointment with CAB and dress it up as a chance to explore other options, dont make it sound potentailly restrictive or dramatic but as an escape route as this is the way he is thinking at the moment (Ive been there too!) then he might go with you and you could genuinally explore your options.

I really wish you so much luck and will follow what happens on here!

xxxxxx

kindanice

You really need to do a realistic budget. (look at Martin's budget planner)

You need to include EVERYTHING... absolutely EVERYTHING.

You will then see how much you have left at the end of each month to throw at your debts.

If you have nothing to throw at your debts after you have paid for EVERY day to day living, then you know you will never afford the remortgage.

Make a realist budget and show your husband. Show him exactly what comes in every month, and exactly what goes out before and after you service your loans and debts.

Have a look at https://www.whatsthecost.com. Put your new remortgage figures in there to see what your new monthly payment would be. Can you afford this amount? Work out another budget sheet including the new remortgage figure and ALL other expenditure and see what the end result is.

A realistic budget should cover everyday living, including saving for birthdays/christmas, all car expenses, pocket money and of course emergency savings for those unexpected payments out.

I wish you well, keep positive. :beer:

dinkylou

I feel terrible for you, it must feel like a hopeless situation. But its not.

Things are not too late for you. The bailiffs are not yet at the door, but its only a matter of time.

Whatever it takes, even threatening to leave him, you must stop him from getting this interest only mortgage.

Use all the tools available to you such as the snowball calculator and showing how much you overspend by in the year to show him that in a couple of years your finances will be worse, not better. And so he is making things worse and risking future bankruptcy with getting this mortgage.

And if making him feel that you have betrayed him by coming here is the way, tell him that was the only option he gave you as you could nt talk to him (and its anonymous)

Now is the time to be strong and make a stand. We're all behind you.

I wish you the best of luck.

Interest-Ed

I really feel for you. You sound like you're trying so hard to keep everyone happy and cosy while you're beating yourself up with the anxiety of it all.

I think you're probably right to tread carefully if your hubbie's not in a listening frame of mind and you don't want him to alienate him at this crucial time. It doesn't sound like the boxing gloves approach is the way to go.

I would suggest that you really do your homework on the sums so you have a strong argument. Even go as far as to find some homes you like the look of which are more affordable - it may not even mean downsizing.

Tell him all the good things about him but also tell him what would make YOU happy.

Once you know what the monthly outgoings are on the remortage the only way I could see it working is if you did have total control of the bank account giving him a monthly allowance on spending and no credit card spending. It would have to be so or it will spiral away again.

If he could go with you to a debt counsellor it would be great - that neutral person who knows what they're talking about.

tyllwyd

One thing - you mentioned that you work from home. Do you mind me asking what you do - I just wondered if there was some way of squeezing any extra income from that direction.

beyondhelp_2

tyllwyd wrote:

One thing - you mentioned that you work from home. Do you mind me asking what you do - I just wondered if there was some way of squeezing any extra income from that direction.

I work in a call centre 2 evenings a week and all day Saturday (would do 5 evenings a week but can't because of hubby's job) and they have kindly set me up so that I can work from home whenever I can fit it in. At the moment that's 2 hours 4 days a week when my little boy is at Playgroup. He doesn't start school until Sept. 2007 so I can't increase this until then! (Child care is not an option - it's very important to me that I'm a full-time mum and the kids will ALWAYS come first - even before paying this debt off...)

Not a fantastic job but the best I could get to fit in around the children... Wasn't working at all for some time (have 3 children) but have had to start to try and at least help a bit.

sparkle84

beyondhelp wrote:

I work in a call centre 2 evenings a week and all day Saturday (would do 5 evenings a week but can't because of hubby's job) and they have kindly set me up so that I can work from home whenever I can fit it in. At the moment that's 2 hours 4 days a week when my little boy is at Playgroup. He doesn't start school until Sept. 2007 so I can't increase this until then! (Child care is not an option - it's very important to me that I'm a full-time mum and the kids will ALWAYS come first - even before paying this debt off...)

Not a fantastic job but the best I could get to fit in around the children... Wasn't working at all for some time (have 3 children) but have had to start to try and at least help a bit.

There is nothing wrong with your job anyway I thing you are doing the best thing for your kiddies and your bank balance as child care seems to be very expensive

tyllwyd

Yes, I agree with Sparkle, if you can work from home while your little boy is at playgroup you are probably doing the best you can when you are trying to juggle childcare & earnings. It is difficult to see how you could get more income without increasing your hours - pity! I guess that you have claimed childcare tax credit if you are entitled to it, or that he gets free sessions when he is over 3?