Blackruby's Better Day Challenge Diary

Jo_R_2

Great news on the cutting back so much on the drinking. Apart from having just been pregnant and giving birth:D, I don't tend to drink anyway either. I used to but I found it really exacerbated 'bad' feelings the day after as I too suffer with depression. The last time it happened it scared me so much I swore no more heavy nights because it wasn't worth it and I was worried what would happen if I was by myself.

And I have to admit a very pleasant side-effect was that my nights out did cut down naturally, and when I do go out, I have soft drinks which last ages and drive there and back to town, often getting petrol money off friends who I give a lift home to

Blackruby

Yeah, I should learn to drive when I can and become the designated driver for my friends. My best mate spends a fortune on taxis.

Ooh I am getting my JSA on tuesday, 3 weeks worth of money. Tuesday also happens to be my 22nd birthday.

In bad news, I think my parents are/have split up. Mum is moving in with my older sister, so I do think it's pretty darn serious.

Blackruby

Still no closer to knowing what's gone on with my mum and dad, but mum has said she needs to clear her head. So maybe it's a space issue? We'll see at any road.

My housemate has lent me his xbox 360 to play with when I am bored at the moment, because he has coursework to do, so that is huge amount of awesome.

Had a weird dream that I was tell someone how long I had gone without a drink, and they kept saying 'Are you sure about that?' as if giving me a chance to tell the truth. But I was insistant that I hadn't drank for 8 weeks, and they kept implying that I had.

Blackruby

Found out through the grape vine that my older sister can't have kids. I dunno whether if it's her ovaries or her womb, but if it is her womb, I offered a while back to surrogate for her. I hope she realises I was serious and takes me up on that offer.

Blackruby

Happy birthday to me! Got my jsa through and some money off my mum so I used that to pay the minimum payments on my credit cards and get them off my back for now.

jayss

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

and yay for some money coming through.

redsquirrel80

Hiya, hope you had a great birthday. Sorry to hear about the family probs, hopefully things will work themselves out - my parents split up for a while a few years back but they managed to find their way back to trying again. That's such an amazing offer for you to make for your sister as well, was very touching to read.

Hope everything is going well x

Blackruby

My older sister has been working with kids for years, she's been trying to get pregnant for a while. It would be a crime if she couldn't have kids.

Just a quick note: I have decided I am very glad I don't drink anymore, no hangovers, no drunken texts or emails, nothing to wake up in the morning and think 'oh no' about.

Blackruby

Hey all, sorry I've been so quiet lately. Really feeling down lately, just listless and restless and so frustrated that it's unbelievable. I feel like I've got this big hole inside me and I just want to eat and eat and eat to fill it. But I can't afford to do that so I just find other things to do to take my mind off of things.

I have an appointment next friday with the Housing Options arm of the council to get put on the propertypool list, I'm pretty high priority because I am of immenient risk of being homeless (2 months isn't immediate in my opinion but it is to them) so I will hopefully be getting a council flat soon, all on my own, which is scary as hell.

On my parents front, it seems like it was my dad who has initiated the split and he has no intentions of changing his mind on this front, so Mum is back in with my older sister and is not taking it too well. I'm not really, either, just worried about her and worried about myself.

I feel very alone up here, I have my friends who I can talk to, but I don't really want to talk to anyone. I just want someone to hold me while I cry my frustration and anger out. I got close last night, I went into my housemate's room and asked if I could sit there a while. I sat there for about 20 minutes staring into space while he played on his PSP. I think pride stopped me from breaking down. I just don't want everyone to see how weak I am feeling, even people who have known me for years and have seen me in some terrible states.

Maybe that's why I drank too much, because it made it so much easier to let it all out. But I don't do that now.

whatatwit

Best I can do from here BlackRuby :grouphug:

It is difficult when parents have a hard time, we feel that our parents are there as nurturers and suddenly the roles have been reversed.

Do post on here if it helps, we may not be there in person, but there is an awful lot of support on these boards.