Support for people with Depression

Tiff_2

Hi h!
Thank you for sharing your situation and I respect your need for privacy, angel - you're welcome here as either an ae or as yourself.
For fear of stating the bl**dy obvious hun, you're having a really rough time and you want help but aren't getting the right kind - yet!
I guess the first thing I want to say is you did the right thing in posting. Our lovely shaz , has given some good support as always.

The second thing is that I want to reassure you, and anyone else reading, that this thread isn't exclusive in any way. You really are very welcome. There's no way you are ''intruding''. I'm really glad you felt you could post and believe me when I say that you are not the only one to have felt so low and you're not alone either. I hope this will at least give you some comfort, h. And as for ''rambling on'', you ain't seen nothing yet. You can't beat the Tiffster on that one, hun - ask anyone. In fact, I'm in contention to be selected for Team GB in 2012!

You explained yourself very clearly. We don't judge people here and everyone will understand how you're feeling to varying degrees. We're very good at understanding people because we know from our own experiences how hard it can be to find people who will listen and who won't then tell us to cheer up or pull ourselves together! Please bear in mind that I'm not a professional, angel and you should always get 2nd, 3rd and 4th professional opinions on anything I say. Let's have a look, hunnie...

You are very hard on yourself, hun. I mean this in a way that I hope it will bring you some crumb of comfort and reassurance. It's natural to feel the way you are when we're really struggling, so please don't fall into depression's trap of thinking that's it's just you, that it's all your fault, that you somehow deserve it or that it's because there's something ''fundamentally wrong'' with you. It isn't true. Obviously I don't know your circumstances but I do have an idea of how depression and other illnesses can beat us cowering into a corner mentally. It's what depression does and it's very good at it. Try and remember that this seems to be your illness talking and not the real you, h. You are not your illness!

I know it's even harder if we've had mental ill health for a very long time. We can feel hopeless and helpless. Other posters here - and I'm sure some of our lovely lurkers - have very long term mental ill health issues. It doesn't mean that there isn't still help out there to be had, angel. There are no quick cures as you know, I'm sure. It'll take as long as it takes. But professional help can help you to learn ways to manage your depression and to look after yourself. Even if you've had very long term mental health issues, you can still work with the professionals and find the route that's best for you and really enjoy life again.

Obviously your dr is the professional to turn to first. They have access to many resources. It's important that you see the dr that you feel the most comfortable with. You don't sound comfortable with the dr you have, so go ahead and see one of the others if you wish to. I can't comment on your past treatments hunnie and I don't know your history, but things move forward in mental health and there are so many possibilities to consider. There are many more than 4 ads to try and as far as CBT goes, it only works if it's practised regularly, every day. Again, there are various therapies and also combinations of them both to try also.

Seeing a counsellor with the surgery can be good for many things. However if that's not working for you hun, you can get assessed and referred to a psychologist or a psychiatrist if necessary, for more in-depth support. This is available on the NHS. However, one thing I will say to you is that they see clients who are at the most risk first, (more proof that it's not just you with depression!), which makes sense so you may be on a waiting list for a few days, weeks or months depending on your assessment and their resources. Don't be disheartened if they say they're putting you on a waiting list because the list shifts and changes drastically all the time. It may take a little time for it all to come together but it's well worth the wait, hun. You've already waited 10 years and your life is worth fighting for, no matter what depression is telling you.


I'm glad that you contacted the Samaritans over your suicidal thoughts hunnie. I know you said you couldn't face calling them and speaking on the phone, but at least you did email them to get some support. This is you asking for help and that's always a good thing.

Please angel, if you ever feel that you're close to feeling suicidal or distressed, pick up the phone. Don't let the feelings grow and simmer, don't debate it with yourself, just pick up the phone and call the surgery. Ask to speak to a dr, (a particular one if you prefer), and say that it is an emergency. This is a completely valid thing to do - there are mental health emergencies just as there are physical emergencies. If the receptionist asks if it's an emergency, tell them yes and then tell them that you are feeling suicidal. Reception staff will understand and they can make things happen very quickly and get you access to a dr, whether it be over the phone or through a home visit or both. If you can't make it into the surgery due to your health, say so. Explain to the dr that you can't leave the house. They should be very understanding - they'll have dealt with similar situations before, hunnie.

In an emergency, if your GP surgery is closed, it is possible to go to a hospital’s A&E desk and ask to see the psychiatrist/psychologist on duty. You may have a little wait if they have to come over from another case.
You can also call NHS Direct 24 hours a day on 0845 4647.

I know it can be so daunting to reach out like this at first, but you'll be glad that you did it. If you prefer, you can also print off a copy of your posts and show them to your dr. This can be very helpful because in them you're totally honest about how you feel and it helps give them like a snapshot of your situation.Regardless of which route you take, to get the best possible recovery you have to be brutally honest with the dr about how you're feeling.
They can't help you with what they don't know about, angel.


Okay hunnie, I'll leave you with this for now but I've got a couple of more ideas that I'll post soon too.
Above all else h, be kind to yourself.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

beachbeth

I could cry this morning. Its been six weeks since my tribunal and I still haven't received any money. I rang the Jobcentre Plus last week (the IB people are waiting for the Jobseeker people to let them know how much Jobseekers I had whilst my IB was stopped.) Ive still had nothing happen and so I rang them again today. They are still waiting to know what Jobseekers I have had and have said they will contact Jobseekers and put the request in again.

I rang my local Jobseekers office to see what the delay is and they said it isn't done at my local office and all Jobseeker payments are sorted out in the same office as the people who are doing my Incapacity Benefit claim!:eek: So, in essence, the people on one side of the office are waiting to hear from the people at the other side of the same office!!!

This is so ridiculous that I could cry. I thought they were waiting for a letter or something through the post from my local Jobseekers Centre. Ive rang them again but asked to be put through to the Jobseekers section this time and asked them what the hold up is. The chap said he has got to email someone "downstairs" and they will ring me back.

Its unbelievable how these organisations work. I bet MPs don't have to wait this long for their expenses claims.

Tiff_2

Hi guys!
Afternoon sugarplums.
It's good to have our sazzy back - and katie-tulip too! I'm starting to think that they're the same person, with the way they disappear and reappear at the same time!

Also sending overdue hugs to our shaz and our gem. I do think of you often, angels - and in a good way too!
Where's the miro muffin gone? It's bound to be britney related.

Right, now sazzy's back, it's her turn to go on watch while I take me a catnap. Wake me up in February, guys!
And just in case anyone asks...




Be kind to yourself, guys.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

Tiff_2

Hi h!
Sorry I didn't finish my post last night hunnie - I had a headache. (sazzy - no!)
Now where was I? Oh yeah, I was off rambling again, wasn't I?

I just want to return to the topic of your dr and treatments, hun. Remember, my posts are just my personal opinion - I'm not a professional.

Everything you describe about your feelings on drs and treatments are very common and again, I think this is part of your illness getting in your way. Depression can also have anxiety attached to it and by avoiding the situation, we feel better...for an hour or so anyway and then we start beating ourselves up over ''failing'' yet again and it makes us feel worse. It's a vicious cycle and it becomes harder to break.
We both know deep down that there will come the point when you will go and see the dr. There really is no way to avoid it and it needs to be done. You are just delaying your recovery hun, so put yourself out of your anguish and make your appointment.

And when the day comes, have a plan ready for all eventualities:
- book a taxi to take you and gf to drs,
- take something to distract you if you get anxious, be it a crossword, music, whatever works for you. If you're distracted and relaxed, it is impossible for you to be anxious. This is because we can't be in opposite states at the same time - eg., you can't be full up and hungry.
- always carry a water bottle as it gives you something physical to hold on to and it will help get rid of that dry mouth feeling that comes with anxiety
- when you arrive, tell the receptionist that you're feeling very anxious.
- focus on the fact that you do want this, that it's to get you help you deserve and that you're only there for a short amount of time.
I won't lie to you, h. You're still likely to feel anxious but when you get the panicky feelings come over you, tell yourself that you've had these feelings before, you know what they are and what's causing it and that you can get through them. Having these simple things in place can help you feel a bit more in control angel.

Now I'm not having a go at you h, but no-one should ever stop taking their meds without their drs knowledge and supervision. It can be very dangerous or slightly fatal! As I said last night, there are a number of meds and therapies and combinations to be explored with your gp and other mental health professionals. I want you to believe that you haven't tried everything yet by any means and therefore there is still hope.

I'm sorry that you had such a bad experience with your counselling. If anyone has any problems with their counsellor, they need to discuss it with their dr. As I said last night hun, there are different kinds of counsellors, so maybe that wasn't the right one for you.

I do have to say, it sometimes generally feels worse before it gets better with counselling. It's not about a chat over a cup of tea and a digestive. This is quite logical if you think about it, because you are talking about your most painful and private issues - the things that have helped you to be where you're at now. It is usually very emotional for the same reasons.
We need to realise that we are strangers to each other and it's bound to be hard at the start. But then you start to build a relationship of trust with a counsellor and that is crucial to the therapy. And this can sometimes take a few weeks or months even. Things should be taken at your own pace and a good counsellor will never put you into a state of distress that they can't help you out of before you leave. If you don't feel able to talk about something at a certain time, you should tell them.

It usually takes years for our issues to build up and get us to the point where we're at now. So it makes sense that it's going to take time to work through these things. Counselling is bl**dy hard work but the rewards you get when it starts to work are more than worth it, imho. It's not for everyone and sometimes it's a case of, ''It wasn't right for me then, but it may be right for me now.'', iykwim?

I'm really glad your gf is so supportive to you. I know you said you hadn't told anyone close to you, angel - it's hard enough to admit to ourselves. You don't have to announce it to the world, but maybe it could be good idea to tell a select few who you really trust? After all hunnie, you've had this illness a long time and yet it hasn't affected your relationship with them. It's hard to fight the whole world on your own angel and we all need someone.
You could also look at this the other way around, h. Do you ever think that they'd want to know if you were having problems, so that they could help? If they were going through it, wouldn't you want to know and want to help them?
God forbid, sweetheart, but no-one will thank you if the first time they here about it all, is at your funeral. They will have to live with that and they'll be asking themselves why you didn't talk to them, what they could have done? Suicide carries an awful lot of responsibilities, angel and it is never the answer. You have to think about what you'll be leaving behind and how people will cope with it. It's a sign you're given that you need and deserve to get some more help and support.

Have you ever had or been assessed by a psychiatrist/psychologist/mental health services, angel?
If not, I think you should ask your dr for a referral. Some CPNs are attached to a surgery but more often work within the Community Mental Health Team (CMHT). They generally are a true God-send. CPNs are available on the NHS and can, if necessary, visit you at home, as can most medical professionals.
Crisis teams are also part of the NHS and support and work with people who are in real crisis to try and be able to stay at home, rather than be admitted to hospital. They are also mental health trained nursing professionals.
Your dr or mental health professional can also refer you to agencies/charities/mental health teams who could offer you a Support Worker. They can go out with you and work towards you feeling confident going out, accessing activities, to go shopping with you or work on what your needs may be, for free. They co-ordinate with your mental health professionals to keep them updated on your progress.
A real positive in one of your posts was about your gardening, choosing to shop at night when it's quieter and putting your bins out. Whether you realise it or not hunnie, this is an effect of CBT in practice. I don't how long you did it for - and again, it's not an easy thing to do - but it seems some of it did stick with you. It's not always about getting rid of mental illnesses, it can be about making it manageable so that your quality of life is better.
You do need to start going out, hunnie. But you know this. It's very hard once you've started to fall into that trap, as you've noticed. What's shocking is that you don't see it coming, but this is what happens when you continue to avoid going out. And eventually it may lead to agoraphobia and that's a truly devastating illness to try and deal with, especially on top of any other serious illnesses. Please tell your dr or mental health professional about this. You need to be able to go out so that you can get the help to make your life better for you.

You do want help and you do want to recover from what I've read in your posts, hunnie. So I'll leave you in peace now so that you can have a think and hopefully make that very important phone call...
Be kind to yourself hun.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

Tiff_2

Hi miro!
Afternoon hunnie. How are you?
I just missed you by 12 hours and 7 minutes yesterday. I understand hun - it is britney season after all!

miro wrote:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tiff



:eek:
Not only does that cat look like one of mine, she also has alot of cuddly toys, all lined up
When did you get in to my humble abode, Tiff?

Heh, heh, heh.
Humble abode? Don't you believe it guys. Never you mind how I got into the miro mansion! I could tell you, but then sazzy would have to eat you. Maybe I'll be nice and give you a clue later.
The only thing you should be concerned with is whether I tell everyone what I found!
Hang in there, tiger tots! *omg! I'd forgotten all about them - does anyone else remember those?!*
Be kind to yourself angel.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

Tiff_2

Hi beth!
Awww hunnie, have a Tiffy hug!
I can easily believe what you are saying hun, trust me. You wouldn't believe what they've tried with me.

One possible thought occurs, angel.
Give them another call and ask them to at least start the payments you are entitled to as of now if nothing else, whilst they are counting up on their abacus, (don't say that bit - you won't get paid until December!), how much back pay they owe you. You've got several months money to come back to you and there shouldn't be any reason why they can't start paying now what they have decided you should currently be getting.
Did any of that make sense?
If they don't get their act together quickly, there'll be another Tiffy letter appearing - and no more mrs nice kitty!




Hang in there, sweetie.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

newlywed

Tiff,
just wanted to say what a lovely person you are with all the time and trouble you take to help people on here.


Feeling very low today, but your posts to everyone are always so sweet.

Miroslav

beachbeth wrote: »

I could cry this morning. Its been six weeks since my tribunal and I still haven't received any money. I rang the Jobcentre Plus last week (the IB people are waiting for the Jobseeker people to let them know how much Jobseekers I had whilst my IB was stopped.) Ive still had nothing happen and so I rang them again today. They are still waiting to know what Jobseekers I have had and have said they will contact Jobseekers and put the request in again.

I rang my local Jobseekers office to see what the delay is and they said it isn't done at my local office and all Jobseeker payments are sorted out in the same office as the people who are doing my Incapacity Benefit claim!:eek: So, in essence, the people on one side of the office are waiting to hear from the people at the other side of the same office!!!

This is so ridiculous that I could cry. I thought they were waiting for a letter or something through the post from my local Jobseekers Centre. Ive rang them again but asked to be put through to the Jobseekers section this time and asked them what the hold up is. The chap said he has got to email someone "downstairs" and they will ring me back.

Its unbelievable how these organisations work. I bet MPs don't have to wait this long for their expenses claims.

It's shocking really. I find most 'offices' like this though.

I hope you get it sorted soon. It's what you are entitled too.

Miroslav

Tiff wrote: »

Where's the miro muffin gone? It's bound to be britney related.

:whistle:

I haven't been in all week, watching and taping Britney all day, without going out...honest

No, I went out once to get some shopping and got my flatmate to keep an eye on Britney taping :rotfl:

Then, because she stays up all night, when I go to bed, she tapes Britney for me :T

I've used 18 VHS in less than 4 days. This Britney woman is expensive :eek: Only 2 and a bit days to go :sad:

But on my Birthday we have 2 Britney programs :T

Oh, I have no life, but it's the thing that makes me happy, albeit happy sad

Miroslav

Tiff wrote: »

Hi miro!
Afternoon hunnie. How are you?
I just missed you by 12 hours and 7 minutes yesterday. I understand hun - it is britney season after all!



Heh, heh, heh.
Humble abode? Don't you believe it guys. Never you mind how I got into the miro mansion! I could tell you, but then sazzy would have to eat you. Maybe I'll be nice and give you a clue later.
The only thing you should be concerned with is whether I tell everyone what I found!
Hang in there, tiger tots! *omg! I'd forgotten all about them - does anyone else remember those?!*
Be kind to yourself angel.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

Every day is Britney season :j

No, that mansion was Britney's. Okay, one day we shall share it and i'll invite you all to the wedding :j

What did you find? :undecided If it was the green thing with tassles, it's not mine

Tiger Tots? I remember jelly tots :DSadly, so do my teeth :rolleyes:

Hey Tiff, I have a question for you, and anyone else who has even got this far in my post

Do you understand how someone can love someone (not neccessarily be in love with) but when they are close, you wish they were far away