magicgirls debt free new life

magicgal

It’s been a funny old week. 

I forgot to go to the clinic for my flu jab again this weekend. On Monday, I got a call from NIHR about the covid vaccine trial and agreed to come in on Tuesday. This was for phase three which is a blind trial so I’ve no idea if I had the vaccine or the placebo. I have told myself it’s the placebo so I don’t over think every twinge I have  
had a wonderful night Wednesday, woke up Thursday to find my boiler has packed up. Annoyingly, it’s a discontinued model. So parts take a bit longer. It is also classed as ‘at risk’ so shouldn’t really be on but they’ve marked it for the last few years as being at risk and landlord says they cannot replace it. (No idea why. They won’t talk directly to me except to tell me they will do (not much) but not why. 

So now, I am feeling like crap (probably because af is due) and can’t wash properly. They gave me a fan heater (RIP my electric bill) and I’ve ordered a small oil filled device. All I want is a hot bath to ease my aches. Washing dishes in cold water is affecting my arthritis badly and I have to deal with this for at least a week.  
I am trying to be upbeat for kids sake as they have planned some lovely things for Halloween (this weeks ‘project’ was to plan and execute a Halloween party for the family. Their dad is due over today as it’s his weekend off so I thought it would be a great fun task for them) but definitely feeling bit low. And bawling at the thought of all the dishes and the mess I’ll be clearing up. I’d normally get them to clean after themselves but the water issue will make it more hassle so I’m resigned to doing it.

magicgal

So, Halloween went well. And I was able to keep on top of the meds as it was made so it wasn’t as painful as it might have been. 
I still have no working boiler. 

Engineer was round today. Then he returned with the surveyor. They have decided that they CAN give me a new boiler. It will be going on the wall in my lounge - the one I recently finished decorating and got my furniture placement near perfect around.  
but I need hot water and heat more than I need a perfectly decorated lounge. Doesn’t mean I’m not a little gutted but there’s worse things to worry about I suppose. Especially right now. 

I also got a portable immersion unit which allowed me and the smalls to have a hot bath. DD3 had been having cold showers but the water is ice cold so I wasn’t happy about it. She enjoyed a bath tonight though. I’m sure that immersion thing will cost me more to run long term but for now, it is an easy option and I needed some stress relief. 

Looks like I might be waiting a little while for that sewing table of mine to be set up. 

Anyway, I’m going to refresh the election results to see what’s happening in Georgia... 

magicgal

Today, I felt a spark of hope. The future feels possible and even though there is work to be done, it’s feeling possible,  even if just for a Moment.

magicgal

I have a working boiler and am eternally grateful. The contractors will return to do the making good this week but it’s one less battle to weary myself with. 

Smalls cooked a roast today with a bit (lot) of guidance from me but they did so well. I made a point of letting them do it when their dad was visiting so they could showcase their efforts for him. 

I am trying to get myself focussed to do some online courses I had signed up to in the summer. I only recently received my login details. Monday is ‘big clean’ day as my floors still feel sticky from the works and I think the plaster dust is lingering too but once that is done, the smalls and I will be sorting out our desks and I’m ever so hopeful that I will get my sewing machine out this week. 

I also had a bit of good news from my brother. Now the boiler is no longer in my kitchen, he has redesigned  it  for me. I love what he’s done and gave him an outline of the sort of materials I expect to use. It’s not going to happen for a while yet but it’s nice having a vision of what I am working towards. He also said that there are fair amounts of tiles and flooring left from my parents recent refurb. Enough laminate for half my flat and probably close to enough for my kitchen floor. The thing is, they are a lot more expensive than anything I could afford but as I am buying enough to top up what is already there, I’ll spend about the same but get the best stuff. I say best but a fair chunk of the flooring had been laid and then ripped up again but we will use the new packs in the lounge and the rest in the hallway. I may still go for the cheaper floors in the bedroom and just put a rug down. I still think I need to save as much of the pennies as poss. Everyone is pretty excited to get started on that. Oh, and I have to paint my hallway. I have a lovely copper gold paint for the lower part. Top is white but needs another coat and I have a stick on boarder that has a 3D effect to look like a dado rail. Until I have time and money to put a real one up, that is actually working just fine.
None of the above is going to happen before Christmas though. 

Ex asked what I’m doing to decorate and I explained including the getting a tree in a pot idea. He offered to pay for a big tree because he ‘wants to go all out this year’. Now I appreciate that Xmas is his time with the girls and I accept it was my idea to host but I still want my place how I want it. It’s not just the money but the space. I don’t have a lot of it and the tree always takes up a lot of room. I want to make sure I can still use all the space I need. So to that end, I made enquiries with my local grocer at the market and told them what I was after. They will let me know when it comes in - hopefully in next two weeks

magicgal

Mixed bag this week. I had a response to my tribunal claim. They have asked the courts to throw it out while acknowledging errors. Said occupational health cannot determine if I have a disability as it’s only an opinion while acknowledging they knew I was being treated for long term depression... I had a few ‘bad’ days but yesterday, I finally finished the lounge and I have my sewing table ready to use so that has made me feel loads better

magicgal

I’m a bit stuck in my own head. Really struggling to escape. But there is joy to be found so will try to focus on that. 

We have made the lounge very festive and also have (as a compromise) got a few trees (two small and one slightly larger). Now that dd is home from uni, they have all managed to contribute to the decor and it is making us all feel united again. Thankfully the ex isn’t back until around 20th. I have filled my freezer in advance with stuff for Xmas and all presents have been ordered, most have arrived. 

Children have a much better sleep routine than they’ve had this year and i hope that means they are feeling more stable in themselves. 

Better get back to present making as well still have a few left to do

magicgal

Glad to report that Christmas Day was a success. All behaved well and there was a lot of joy. I hate that so many were so lonely. I hope that things change drastically soon but I’m not overly hopeful if I’m honest. 

I have a hearing next month to try and convince them I deserve to have my case heard. I am tired of it all. And I know this is why I must keep fighting but I am losing so much confidence and belief in myself that it’s feeling more challenging than it should be. I’m concerned over my own capacity ATM and don’t have my assessments until May which feels a long way off at the moment. Just trying to hold it together for now. 

Eldest has been told she may not have to go back to uni until February now. So that is something I’m trying to see as a bright side although financially, we are both struggling as she is out of work with new rules and I can’t claim for her as she is an adult but if I don’t have her in my claim as living here, she doesn’t get the bursary from uni and I get into trouble under their rules. But frustrating but I’m still able to survive for now and will keep reminding myself to look for the light. 

Hoping 2021 allows me some closure on my old job situation. Hope 2021 sees my younger children continue to thrive in their home learning environment. Hope 2021 sees my eldest daughter graduate. Hope 2021 sees dd2 accept her entrance into adulthood with grace and continue to enjoy her course. 

Unlikely I will post again before the new year so hoping you have all have a peaceful Christmas and wishing you a happier 2021

Honeysucklelou2

Happy 2021 Magicgal.

magicgal

Thank you HSL. I’ll be hopping over to catch up on your diary shortly but it’s been nice having a break from most internet type things. 

Life continues to be an adventure. Looking forward to the bbc schools resources as the children will be able to do some work with the curriculum. This is reading week. They are finishing Harry Potter and the order of the Phoenix. Dd3 is much further ahead than dd4 but both are enjoying at their own pace and we discuss the chapters as they complete them
 Eldest is worrying about uni as it’s difficult for her to study here. She’s debating whether she’s best off going back but that would mean she’s alone and it’s so frustrating. I’m glad they have cancelled exams this year. But while uni had already out exams on line, the bigger concern is the no detriment policy. It breaks my heart after how hard so many have worked that they are back in a situation that is not conducive to a helpful study environment.  After struggling through her gcse and a level exams like this, uni was supposed to be a reprieve. As things currently stand, she should easily get a 2:1 but has been working so hard with her progress  and there is a possibility it will affect her Masters application but trying to focus on what we can do to get through it rather than consequences if we don’t. We are very clear why it’s important. 

My best friend has been very ill with Covid so wasn’t the nicest way to start the year as she is a high risk patient but is hopefully on the mend. 

On a brighter note, we saw our first sunrise of the year yesterday and fed some squirrels. It was really nice to be out while it’s quiet. We don’t usually wake up that early but have made a huge effort to rewire our sleep times

magicgal

Well, life is certainly getting more complicated. 

I have two ppl moving into my home soon. The reason for this is their parents are moving away as soon as their a level exams are done. But as these people will both be over 18 by the time they move in with me and are not family, I have to declare non dependants living with me which automatically means I have money taken off my rent which I still pay by myself. I am looking at a way I can get my daughters’ name on the contract as it’s only a two bed and once they are settled, I can try and find somewhere else even if it means moving in with my parents for a bit. (In my 40s ready to move back to a home I left in my teens  )

my W dispute over the dismissal is still raging. I spent a whole week having to list all the times my mental health has affected me since I first was prescribed anti depressants. That was 25 years of trauma that I had to relive only to be told they don’t believe it and want medical proof. Ugh! It’s taken some time to get out of the hellish place my head ended up in and I must confess to feeling very despondent about the whole case. I also know they are waiting for me to fold and I have a great army of cheerleaders who give me a boost when I’m at my lowest. The medications helps too but I am really feeling all the ‘side effects’ after two years plus on them and staring to realise this could be the rest of my life and the whole thing is quite scary. But it’s also a reality I’ve lived all this time. The only difference now is that I’m allowing myself to acknowledge it and after 40 years in denial, it won’t change my mindset overnight so really working hard (with help of afore mentioned cheerleaders) to keep things in perspective. 

Hoping to go to sleep now.