magicgirls debt free new life

BEAT_THE_DEBT

HI. Enjoy your time with DD x

magicgirl

Thank you BTD. It was so nice having her home. Very healing for us both. Obviously things are back to being really stressful not. But more in an emotional sense than anything else.


The children have some performances coming up and ex wants to come along with his gf. Thing is, he has told her we still get on really well and are really amicable when it comes to the kids. So I suspect he will want us all to sit together and all sorts and the truth is, I just don't want to. I have nothing against her and I am glad he is moving on wit his life but I am feeling extremely bitter over things such as the fact they have the kids for Christmas which was always my efforts that made it magical. He didn't even get them a tree last year !!!!!! because he 'would be sad taking it down on his own after they left'.
He gets to gush about the kids and how talented they are even though its my money that pays their classes. But the minute I say any of this, I become the baddie in all the scenarios and it comes across as me being jealous or something and while that is not entirely untrue, Its not what HE thinks I am jealous of if that makes sense? He didn't even come to their big performance at Sadlers Wells when they performed in front of 2000 people but now he wants to come to everything?! And its only going to get worse after new year when his gf and her kids move in with him. He has asked about having them 50% of the time until he realised there is no financial benefit to that. :mad: I was going to not go but I won't cut my nose off to spite my face so going to have to grin and bear it and hopefully not cause a scene. Thankfully all the dance mums are really good friends of mine and all know what he is like so will do what they can to protect me.


Anyway, I am focusing on a great new years party with my girls and all the other kids I have taken under my wing over the years.


Rather disgusted at how much I have spent over the last two weeks although I must keep reminding myself that it actually incudes the xmas and new years spending that I will hopefully have a budget for next year (I hope!)


Have seen my xmas/ny rota and I actually have quite a few days off. I swapped xmas day with my colleague as he gets double pay whereas I would just have it taken off at the end of the year cos of my tax credits. I was taking NYE off anyway but unexpectedly have Xmas eve off so I will be able to go to midnight mass for the first time in three years. I am actually really looking forward to that.


Just need to find some time to do some deep meditation and regroup all my feelings before I dip too low. I am so lucky to have such a great support network.

magicgirl

I have done very little to make any progress other than go to work, crash and go back. I am so tired I just want to cry but instead, I decided to apply for a new job. I figured the nights are getting too much now and so I am looking to find a day job when its reasonably possible to do so. even if it doesn't work out with this one, I could do with the practice of forms and interviews etc. I can also stay on as a locum in my current company so I have the potential to earn a bit more for a while. All nice in theory but who knows if it will work in practice.


Aside from food and drink, I have all the bits I need for new year so next task is to have a massive clear out so the place is ready for new years eve. it would be so nice to start the year with everything fresh and clear but realistically, all my belongings will probably be shoved into a cupboard until I have time to go through it all! its still nice to pretend though.
three more weeks until dd1 is home. she has been calling me almost daily since her last visit and its been so nice.


Next lot of BOG purchases is beds. dd2 has broken hers. dd4 needs one and I had planned to give mine to dd2 until I can afford another and dd1 was supposed to have dd2's but now I have to get a bed for dd1 as well. nightmare.
ut it could always be worse. I am going to have a quiet word with my dad about dd4 needing a bed as hers is going to be the most expensive and if he pays for that one, I can pay for the rest.
it never ends, does it?

OnlyPariah

Crikey, I've just been reading back through your diary and you really have had a few curve balls thrown you're way. I have two daughters and that is hard enough but having four and doing it on your own. You're amazing.

Good luck with the job applications and let's hope Christmas is good and you have your girls around you.

magicgirl

thank you OnlyPariah. Truth is, I don't know if I would be getting through it all if it weren't for my girls. But yes, parenting is hard at the best of times. But its the hard times that make all the good stuff worth it (as I am sure you know).


I have managed to get out of a lot of work chores as I have sprained my thumb. Its annoying at best. Preventative to my production at worst but I am hoping I can rest it. I am off tomorrow (today) and I can't wait for a break.


I made dd2 watch the first episode of the marie kondo show and she has been so motivated. I am hoping she will have the impetus to help me with the stuff I can't manage at the moment. (we can hope, right? lolz)
All the knitting I need to do for pressies is now at a standstill too. but I figure I can use it sooner if I rest it now.


I dropped the beds into convo with my mum and I think I might be able to get her to speak to my dad (who holds the purse strings) on my behalf. If not, we will continue to make use of the mattresses that I am now glad I kept from the kids old beds (they are from short beds that are prob too small for mine now but can still be used in emergency).


Dance teacher called to say they are closing the dance school in my area and want the girls to travel to another county for their classes. DD2 was in tears saying she can't afford the travel and is worried about the extra time it will take from her but I have had to promise her I will find a way to fund this travel that she needs. dd3 will need to pay as well but dd4 is still able to travel free for another couple of years. Counting my blessings where I can.


Pay day on Monday and I think all my money is spent (and then some) by the time it comes in and I am completely out of wiggle room with O/D and cc etc. I just keep reminding myself that I will get a few extra pennies at the end of dec. the best thing there is with the having to wait an extra week to get paid, I will have the money for the extra shifts I did this month which will offset some of the time I will be waiting. All sounds good in theory so lets see if I can make it work in practice. fingers tightly crossed.


I am proud of myself for finally having logged my daily spends etc
I have counted the dinner money I give to the girls in the food column although on my budget spreadsheet, I have this noted separelty so I am hoping ot have a proper look. I have also counted travel separately because I use my card to pay rather than oyster but if there is an obvious trend or a way to save, I want to do that. it may even mean topping up my oyster at the start of the month so I always have enough to get to work. Still muddling through it in my head tbh.

magicgirl

OMG - The kids have been brilliant. We used the konmari together. Well, dd2 had made a big start on her room as it was easy to do but then came and helped me and the smalls. So far, all three bedrooms are tidy with all the clothes put away except the ones that were drying last night. The rest of the stuff from bedrooms has been taken into the lounge and we separated all the pieces into boxes per person. I have one of personal items and two completely misc. household stuff; Smallest has her big toy box and two smaller boxes (hoping lots of this will be 'released') and dd3 has one large box. This includes stuff accumulated from bedrooms and lounge. We spend at least an hour each night going through stuff but we have all taken a relaxed approach and the kids aren't getting bored and are still really engaged in the process. With them doing so well, I promised we can paint the lounge once these boxes have been cleared and before I start on the kitchen. Once the boxes are done, the rest is household stuff that really comes under my responsibility but its been really nice having time with the kids and the best thing is that I have managed to cook dinner two nights n a row! Technically, dd2 cooked the second meal but I feel like I could finally make something like meal planning work for me!
I plan to make some baked potatoes when I get in from work and use some tonight for our meal. Whatever is left can go in a Spanish omelette tomorrow
Im so tired - esp as work has been all about cleaning void rooms so I just seem to be doing nothing but cleaning and clearing but I WILL sleep today when I get home and I only have one ore night at work before a weekend off and I get to see my babies sing in their carol concert and hopefully catch up with an old friend too.


Its been a while since I was able to put some truly happy thoughts down so I figured I should while I feel this positive.

magicgirl

So, despite all my moaning about being tired, I had the brilliant idea that we should paint the lounge before putting the tree up. Took 36 hours from start to finish (would have been less but spent over six hours out of the house because of the kids carol concert - which was amazing BTW!). I have ordered the sofa bed to go in there too which should be here in the week and that is another room done. It was a real team effort with my dd2 and her bf doing some of the higher and more delicate bits, the smalls using the rollers on the larger areas and me doing all the cutting in around the skirting and architrave. I was surprised at how well it turned out given that almost all the tools I used were from pound shops and other budget stores. I managed to buy the paint about £5 cheaper than I had budgeted for and used the cheaper version of the undercoat/filler paint that I had planned to use.


After the success of getting this room done TOGETHER, the kids are all eager to do more now and have started planning the hallway (which is next on the list to be painted but not until the bathroom and kitchen have bee cleared)


I was planning on getting some food delivered once I got to work (even though I have been trying not to do this as much) but one of our neighbours came in with massive donation of hot food and she always puts a few aside for us staff too so that was my dinner sorted.
I am aching all over after all the painting and stuff but actually feeling really excited about seeing what is the next thing to change in my home. Each step we take erases the past and brings me to my future and its so liberating

magicgirl

Just adding a few points re spending last month. this figure includes a bit of additional spending but (sadly) not too much.


groceries and food (along with some misc items) came to £800 last month. I realise this is excessive and will aim to cut down by £100 pm over the next few m's until I can get it down to around 500 (I hope). Although there's only four of us in the home, I did count stuff I sent to uni child and I stocked up on cat food for the month ahead so shouldn't need to get that or cat litter. Also, my goddaughter comes to eat with us twice a week and I have dd's bf round each weekend so I guess you could really say five-six ppl ultimately.


Travel was around £200 (which included a couple of cabs) and then Xmas/new year (all in) is around £450 total. I know its ill advised but I have spent most of that on the kids. They are the only ones I am buying presents for and I did get all of them second hand. Their dad was saying to me how 'they better not expect anything much' so I can already see what their xmas will be like. Probably as disappointing as last year. I actually thought they would forget last year enough to get excited but their dad isn't the most enthusiastic Christmas person and all the magical traditions I have set up are no longer mine to execute so I guess I have been over compensating somewhat. But I am working on that and the first step is to try and move away from the emotional side and think in more practical terms so here goes... 2020, I am (nearly) ready for you! (Less than a month to go!!! WOW!)

magicgal

Wow! So much has happened since I last posted and I really need a brain dump but I haven’t been able to log in to the site due to changes and the original being linked to an old email address that I no longer use 😭

Around the time of my last few posts I was having a slight breakdown and have been signed off sick since. This is month four and finances are strained, but have been making a list of what I need to get on with to sort myself out as finances have become a little dire 😳

Also under investigation in probation phase and realising that I can’t do nights any more.  My meds and my hours do not go together and I am focussing on my health rather than finance atm. I know the two need to be done hand in hand but it’s all I can do to attend to the kids needs while shielding myself from all the emotional labour I’m expected to undertake for family etc (most have been supportive) 
thankfully I was able to pull off new year just fine although there were a few spats through the night but overall it was worth the effort. 

Given recent events with Covid-19 etc, I think avoiding my workplace is a fabulous idea given that I’m asthmatic and most of my clients have copd or worse and being vulnerable members of society, are extremely high risk for both contracting and having issues with this strain. My anxiety is through the roof when I think of work so I’m focusing on what I can do rather than what I can’t and my kids have been an amazing source of strength in so many ways. So while life feels pretty crap right now, there are lots of good things in amongst it so trying to remember than and keep going. Hope you are all looking after yourselves  and your loved ones and equally receiving  care in return.  💖

magicgal

Four months on and I’m still on the mend. No thanks to work really as they sacked me but on the plus side, it’s giving me lots of time with my babies. Eldest has just returned to uni. Teen is with boyfriend and Smalls are with me (and seeing their dad when he’s not working)   

Finances aren’t great but despite not having much coming in, I have still been able to chip away at some costs and halved my debt in the last couple of years which I’m really proud of given how tough things have been. 

Hope everyone has been keeping safe and well 💖