magicgirls debt free new life

magicgal

Today is a bit of a milestone as it’s the first time I’ve been under £20k for a while. There seems to be a glimmer of light at the end of a very dark tunnel. 

I had a look at my credit score over the years. Just before I split with my ex, my score was 483. I never expected to get so high after my bankruptcy. (Admittedly, being married is technically what raised my worth in the eyes of the finance sector but, still!) At my worst point, it was 128 and I am now 306 although I suspect that will be a little higher at the time of the next report. I have paid off my water and council tax to end of year so can focus everything on the debts now. The two that are almost gone at £850 and £700. The big ones that I will sort a payment plan in the next month are £4500 and then £13500. They felt quite daunting when my other two were both over £3k each but having tackled those, I feel I’ll be able to make some progress on the others. 

I am trying to keep an open mind about finding work but I have enough to see me through for now. Kids have gotten good at tightening their belts lately and their dad is slowly offering more help with things like clothes now that he’s doing better financially. It’s nice that he did it off his own back - because he wants to rather than he feels he has to. He used to have a knack for making the kids feel like a burden but he is doing so much better with them. They are all noticing it too so I guess I just have to hang in there for the next few months, get used to our new regime with home schooling and live our best life while we can. Knowing they don’t have to go back to school has made all the kids work so much harder and they actually CHOOSE to read or use their workbooks. The teen is starting a new course at college next week. After the pigs ear they made of the results this year, it was causing her way too much anxiety and so I decided it’s a good time to make a clean break. The condition was that she finds another course before I remove her and she did! 

I have a child free week coming up. And a birthday in that time. Planning on visiting the eldest at uni while the rest visit family elsewhere. 

Hopefully I will go into my next year feeling more positive than last. It’s not been easy but I feel I’ve made so much progress this year. On paper, it looks really ‘ugh’ but the obstacles have become opportunities and I hope I can continue to use them as a step up instead of a barrier. 🙏🏽

magicgal

So, birthday went well. dd1 was glad to have an opportunity to pamper me solo even though i only ended up having the one night with her.  Smalls are happy to be schooling at home and are more motivated than i had expected.

Still have lots to do in the flat but its all coming along.  dd2 has had her first day at college but wont start properly until next week.  this gives us time to go and find her ballet pointe shoes (two pairs needed both costing 0ver £80 ea
I have now learned that my 'entitlement' to universal credit supersedes the  cap so they are reducing it accordingly. It will still be enough to cover essentials but may be more difficult to put money towards the debts i was hoping to pay off. : I will find a way around it but not yet sure what that is.  I have to pay for kids dance classes although they are paying for their own uniform. no harm in teaching them how to negotiate from this age...

will try and spend tomorrow meal planning woth the girls and work out what we need to see us through until friday.  be a nice exercise to do together.

Smashingitnow

Happy belated birthday! I've just found your diary....sounds like such such a long time you've had to worry about money but obviously your girls sound happy and as you say...a glimmer of light. Your so determined...don't know if you feel proud reading this back but you should do! 

magicgal

Thanks SiN. I have seen your progress and that’s pretty impressive. You should be really proud of yourself too! 

I do like to look back as it makes me appreciate how much better things are now than they were, even when they have been hard. 

I’m still going through the appeal process at work and it does feel like it’s dragging. I’ve been looking for alternate work but weekend jobs are few and far between for my skill level ATM. I have signed up on a level 2 course with the adult education service in the hope that will keep my mind off some of the things that are getting me down again. I have to finish my adhd assessment forms which I’m struggling to do and things are starting to feel a little overwhelming again but I can see little bad habits creeping up that usually coincide with my SAD and hoping I can get it under control before the more intense symptoms take hold. I’m doing okay so far considering I’ve had a few unpleasant surprises pop up this week but I am focusing on having all the children being much happier ATM. They are all happy back at dance and even more happy being home schooled. Dd2 is loving college and has made some new friends already as well as reconnecting with an old friend who recently returned to the UK after a few years away. I did a pilates class the other day for first time in a few months and it was so nice and centred me so I will be focussing on getting back to the fitness side of things while I still have time to do so. 

Honeysucklelou2

How lovely that you are home schooling.  Is that at primary or secondary level?

magicgal

It’s year 5 and year 8 so both really 😅

magicgal

Today, the smalls are doing the inventory of food. First is the chest freezer which I have double ordered stuff that is already in there so it’s long over due. Luckily it’s mostly frozen veg that can be used in most of the dishes I like to cook. 

They will then be doing the cupboards and later, the main fridge/freezer in the kitchen. They started off a little cross with each other but are now working fabulously as a team. 

Once we have the food noted, we will be doing our meal planning for the week (month?!) ahead. 

I have noticed that habits from my eating disorders are making a slow comeback and I want to nip it in the bud ASAP. Giving the children this task helps me disassociate a little so it doesn’t overwhelm me but also this home economic exercise will feed into their learning for maths and English as they will be using both in their planning. We will also be costing up each meal to see how much it costs us to eat. 

Although my rent and bills are all paid now, I don’t actually receive any more money for three weeks and being shorted by £300 of what I had initially expected has messed my finances up this month but on the plus side, I will be much better prepared next month  

We have all been self isolating this week as 2&4 both had mild fever and sniffles on Monday last. Yesterday, 2 found out that a friend she was with in weds prior tested positive on Sunday so glad we’ve been isolating. There is only a day or so in it from where we would have had our 14 days from last contact to the ten days with ‘symptoms’ so that has meant no dance classes or socialising for kids. Their dad came to see them this weekend (I did warn him about symptoms prior) and that has lifted their spirit a bit. We put a film on last night (Peter pan 2) and  I ended up crashing with 2 on floor and smalls were on the spare mattress in lounge while their dad had the bed-being-used-as-A-sofa and it’s the longest sleep any of us have had in a while. 

I also got my report from the therapist to send to my doc about the adhd assessment.  It’s really weird seeing my history written down like it is but glad I got the ball rolling. I am having trouble accessing the college for the course I signed up for but I’ve sent a message and can only wait for now. 

I have really lost my reading mojo which is truly devastating for me. I can’t focus for more than a few pages at a time usually although I managed a chapter of a book the other day so I’m hoping I can find that again. I started the book at the start of august and only just reached chapter 4. I usually finish a book in a day and certainly no longer than a week. 

My moods have been fluctuating a lot and I was so hoping to reduce my dose soon but not sure if that’s a good idea but will hopefully speak to docs about it soon. I am wondering if I’m on too high a dose now but I am not rushing anything right now. Still no news on my appeal (initial appeal made on 15th July. I only have until 28th sept to lodge a complaint for a tribunal if I want to so may have to make a start on that. I suspect they are relying on my mental health being poor to avoid it but we shall see...) 
anyway, brain dump over.

magicgal

Gosh, I had a really low month in September. I was trying to stay upbeat but it felt like one thing after another. Of course, instead of addressing any of the problems, I thought I’d just switch off from them so spent lots of time sleeping and cleaning. It’s been quite productive and at the end of what seemed like a really long stretch, I am feeling back on track. It probably helps that I get paid my UC tomorrow. I know what I am getting and have budgeted for the correct amount. My debts are all over the place again and I’ve probably increased them again but I’m refining my budget sheets tomorrow once my rent is paid. We had all sorts of additional costs ‘due immediately’ that I hadn’t counted on and as I was already feeling overwhelmed last month, I wasn’t in the best frame of mind to be thinking it through. But there is some good stuff in amongst all the gloom. 

Firstly, it is now 13 years since I went bankrupt. I am really hoping to find a route that takes me away from the though I may ever need to do that again. (It’s not that dire really but it does feel like it sometimes when I’m at my lowest.)
secondly, we have been doing really well on the ‘food at home’ front. I am cooking every three days and making enough to last a few days including baking my own focaccia and croissants. I’m actually getting better at both kneading and proofing the dough that always used to make my bread a bit dense from over kneading. 

I have been keeping the kitchen tidy and not stressing if the kids like the dishes up over a day. I still speak to them about this but I don’t get cross anymore. 

I am so close to seeing the bottom of my laundry basket. Maybe two more wash loads to go? I also have about six loads that need folding and putting away but that is today’s job. 

I have moved my lounge around. We put our x pole up for a week abs had a good run with that. I had to take it down to put up the sideboard but I have taken down the obsolete cupboard that was taking over the lounge, kids desks have moved and all the cats stuff, and also all the manicure and other nail treatments, are ticked away in the cupboard. 

I have moved the boxes with dd4’s new bed into the lounge and have four large furniture pieces and about seven large boxes of ‘stuff’ to move out of the bedroom so I can sand and prep the walls. I gave the grey (that I was planning to use in this room) to dd2. She has broken up with her boyfriend and wanted to refresh the look. I fully support that! I feel I still have lots to do but feeling more motivated about actually doing it. 

We haven’t done any reading this week but we have done loads of other stuff so, again, not stressing over it.
dd3 has found a new gymnastics club and is so happy to be learning new stuff. She and her sister have been saving for a ballet barre to put in the lounge for their pointe practice but it will help with the other stuff she does too. As much as I find it a struggle to pay for these things, they have the sort of talent I used to dream of having as a child and I don’t to waste it or have them get despondent. It can be a tough balance when things are particularly tight like now and the darn kids just won’t stop GROWING  

I managed to get myself together enough to put in my ET1 as still no response about the appeal. I actually think I dreamt about it the other night where the old managers were picking apart the ‘politics’ of my claim but I retorted in the dream that it IS political. (Argh!) I think I should spend some time away from the news just to reset my mind a little.
It’s time to start our Christmas lists anyway and hopefully I’ll be in a better headspace next time I post

magicgal

Phew! Definitely feeling a bit better. Not great but nowhere near as bad as before. 

I have a lovely freshly decorated bedroom now that I share with my youngest. After months of the three of us sleeping together on a large single mattress that was balanced on a small double bed, it felt surreal to sleep in a proper bed in my own but i am sure it won’t take me long to get used to it. 

I still haven’t put the pole back up but I still need a sofa so I may wait until I have that. My ex offered to buy it after I’d offered to host him at Christmas. I figured that with all the restrictions, he may not be able to take the children to his family this year so rather than get  everyone suddenly decide closer to the time, I can at least plan it all from now. It’s looking less likely that the eldest will be joining us due to being in a high risk area ATM 

on a brighter note, I finally saw the bottom of my linen basket. I have even managed to wash all the bedding and put it back on all the beds. I’m sure in another week, I will be restless again and feeling like I’ve done nowt but today I am enjoying the peace and knowing I don’t have any additional chores to tidy the place up. I have even got the kids vacuuming - EACH of them vacuums at least once each day.

magicgal

Still loving my new bedroom
the flat is staying a lot tidier as a result of most things having a place and while the things that don’t still need sorting, I am more relaxed about getting on with that. 

I had a surprise in the post today - I got a letter advising of a date for my preliminary tribunal hearing. It’s not til July so I have ages to prep for it but it’s progress. 

I am exhausted and had planned to spend the week resting but I have managed to get out and go for a short walk each evening which has been nice. I plan to kit myself out with some weather appropriate outdoor wear in the hope of continuing. I also have to have some bloods taken and an ecg done before I get referred for my adhd assessment. I have actually managed to get it all booked. Only a week later than I was told to hit still, it’s done