Everything is falling apart having a major panic **SOA added**

Jenna

Hey cocalls,

We are very close to London yes - and no that's actually a v. good deal on rent where we live, believe it or not! We can get a cheaper rent only by moving further away - and then transport costs increase, so it doesn't actually make a difference overall. Salaries get the 'London weighting' though so I am sure it balances out - if we moved to a more rural area I am pretty sure I'd earn less, so...

My name isn't on the bills as we are not financially linked in any way. Joint acc would be fine but it would financially link us - which, again, is something I want to avoid (his credit rating is worse than mine and might cause me problems in getting my CC @ 0% deals). The way we work supplier changes is (by and large) that we each look for deals on our 'own' bills.

I know it's paid because our suppliers haven't cut us off! No I am joking, I know it's paid because I trust him to pay the bills. He is more disorganised / not highly motivated than rubbish with money - he understands the value of money etc he is just not as interested in spreadsheets as me but he is not irresponsible or stupid and is quite aware that the bills must be paid.

I have a little ace up my sleeve, too, which is that if everything suddenly didn't get paid (I am talking rent, C/Tax etc here) then we'd have to leave ... I'd be happy enough to move back in with my parents for a few months, debts would get sorted quicker and could just pay them some housekeeping. He likes our house more than me too which certainly doesn't hurt re motivation in this area ... and any more minor bills not getting paid, well, tough, it's his credit rating they are hurting not mine. But in fairness I think he's missed 1x payment of 1 bill in the whole time we've been living together - and that was only coz of a DD mess up by the company concerned anyway.

So yes by and large I trust him (which is different to foolishly imagining that he thinks the same way I do about money - as if:rotfl:!!).

Take care.

Jenna

I've now paid off more than 50% of my total debts! I must confess I put up another post just so that more people would see it - wanted to say thankyou to all DFW people for their advice over the last few years. And here it is, in case you want to read:

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=1606465

If not, just let it be known that I am happy & dancy today :j ... financial freedom here I come :cool:

Hope you're all having a good day xx

Radish72

Congratulations on hitting the the 50% paid back :beer:

I always think of things that need to be done as a mountain, so you are right at the top, so now you have just have to get to the bottom but not via the way you've just struggled up :T

beanielou

Great news for you
Keep going!

Jenna

Thanks guys - and Radish, what a lovely way of thinking about things, downhill is so much easier!

Well the forms were finally done a couple weeks back and I've posted them off so - wait and see I guess! But I've filled them out the best I can so that is what matters...

I've paid to see my psych til the end of this month and I just don't know whether to stop after that and wait for a decision on the forms? Or continue and use most of my holi fund to pay for this for another month? The thing is my 0% rate runs out in June so I can't just ignore my CC, it may be lots lower but I don't have a new deal to move it to (though can use my £750 OD @ 7% ish so if I can pay off the difference between that and the £900 that's not the worst rate in the world I guess).

The job market seems to have picked up again after the new tax year arrived and OH has had calls the last couple of weeks - also a couple of interviews this week - so things are looking up even if not resolved yet!

It's been making me pretty edgy that things are a little up in the air right now e.g. don't know if we need to move, finances tight, I'm a contractor so no job security at the best of times (and I actually want to swap jobs anyway!) etc etc. Been looking for a new job but most of them are at the other end of the country (2-4+ hours drive!) and I'm not sure what to do just yet...

I've been reading my FlyLady emails again and getting back into the idea of decluttering - my idea is, if I just declutter a little when I can, then if we do have to move, it will be that much easier for it (and yes, this is my way of taking back some sort of control over the situation)!

I just feel like I've got so much 'stuff' and there's really only a few things that I need, want and love and use every day - but some things I never use! And I will feel soooo much better when all my to do lists are in my iphone (sorted by context, so I get reminded of things in the place where I can do something about them!) and NOT spread all over my desk, in boxes, at my Mum's (boxes in her garage), I'm sure you get the idea....! I [STRIKE]bet[/STRIKE] hope! there are SO many duplications

Anyway, I called a charity shop yesterday and they said they can take almost anything - clothes, shoes, bric a brac, kitchen stuff (mugs, plates), furniture and so on ... I've had this idea of decluttering my wardrobe and just having a 'capsule wardrobe' for ages - and I own shoes I've not worn in 4 years! - so a little attention to decluttering wouldn't go amiss in my life!

Also been thinking about Christmas (don't laugh!) and my idea is to make some simple jewellery for all the women I buy pressies for (Mum, sister, OH's Mum and various girlfriends). I think I want to make a pair of 'drop earrings' (Google it and you'll see what I mean!) and the stone can be that person's birthstone ... could include a little note explaining what the stone stands for etc (most seem to have meanings etc attached to them). What do you think?! Haven't dared mention it to OH as he'll [STRIKE]think[/STRIKE] know I'm mad for thinking of Christmas when it's not even May! :rotfl:But at least if I know roughly what I'm getting for the women I can spend the next 6 months deciding what on earth to buy the men?! (sooo hard to buy for!)

Also don't have anyone to talk to about my session this week with my psych so I am going to bore you lot with it! But you can skip to the next paragraph if this is too off topic for you ! So anyway today we had a pretty intense conversation and I now have all sorts of feelings happening (anything from sleepy to sad to afraid to angry to you name it!). Now that really is weird for me, as I normally mostly feel kinda distant/disconnected and just try to do everything by being logical ... it's been years since I really felt anything much! I know maybe that sounds crazy but there you are. Some of it is kind of disturbing too; memories of what happened are a good deal more powerful with their relevant feelings attached, as opposed to a dry factual account (which is what they've been for a long time due to feeling disconnected!). I mean it's good, I'd much rather feel something than just all wooden and shut off, but it's been a while and it's weird!

I mean for example (and anyone can say this is melodramatic but I was there and you weren't, okay?) at the time I really believed that I would be lucky if I was still alive by the time the sun came up the next morning. I still feel lucky to be here! It's just that for the last few years I've thought I was lucky, but not felt it. Now I do feel powerfully grateful to be here - so much so that I'm filling up with tears writing this! - but I am also feeling/remembering the same fear that I felt at the time when I really thought "this is it". And I don't know, I just don't know what to do with that? Can you "do" something with feelings or do you just wait for them to pass? I feel like such an idiot having to ask that question but I've forgotten, I haven't had more than 10secs of a feeling before disconnecting off again in years - maybe 3, 5 years? I don't know.

Anyway sorry for the long post but thought I'd update on my life over the last few weeks as I've not been on (sorry!) and yeah just kinda needed to talk (OH asleep already!). Think I'm gonna join him now as I need to get some shut eye (and a hug !). Hope things are alright with you guys? xx

Radish72

Yeah welcome back

I think the earring idea is lovely, especially if you give each one a hand written note explaining the birth stone. They will mean so much to all the girlies that you give them to as its come from your heart

Just give the men one earring each - problem solved :rotfl:

cocalls

Why not have a jumble sale to get rid of clutter & debt at same time! (Anything you don't sell you can give to charity shop!)

Jenna

I can see the chaps faces as they unwrap a single dangly earring now :rotfl:

Good thought cocalls - I shall have a think about that one - I do have a nasty tendency to want to "rescue" clutter though so I may need to "hire" a family member to help me out here

Not been up to much today, slept really late, now just laying on the couch on the laptop (OH not well poor thing!). Been looking at jobs but it's making me confused so may need to leave that for a while just so tired today!

OH has had 2 interviews last week and one he's heard back from (but didn't get it) - the other one says he'll probably know Monday, as they had some more people to see, but it's looking positive at this stage. Either way we need to make a plan because the rent is due really soon, we can pay half (my half) and then his half when he gets paid (presuming he gets this job of course!). So I think we need to phone the landlord, or the agent? I don't know ... we've never even paid late, never mind not being able to afford it, so I am new to these things!

Was meaning to do some decluttering today but not feeling up to it, maybe tomorrow though... not sure if I'm getting what OH has or if I'm still feeling the effects of my session with the psych. Ho hum.

Hope everyone's having a good one xx

Dinah93

Hi Jenna, read your thread a few times now and if I were you I would give serious thought to selling your bits and bobs at a boot sale or on ebay. Clothes sell really well on there, I have sold about 80-100 bits from belts to dresses and shoes on there this year, just standard high street brands, and have made over £1100 in doing so.

Hope your OH gets a job soon, I think you made a good call in not subbing him anymore. You do need to contact the landlord soon though, as he/she has the right to know where they stand, and they would rather know in advance when they can still do something about it.

You should seriously consider the jobs 2-4 hours away, could you not move? I have never seen a 'real life' couple with such high rent in my life, especially compared to the salary. Having a rent almost equal to your salary is not sustainable, not unless your OH is usually contributing a LOT more than he seems to be. I used to rent a 4 bed house up here with garden, lovely rural area for £600 a month, and I considered that to be extravagant in the end as it was around 1/6 of my salary, then bills and everything just meant I had so little money free, and I hated having to scrimp for every penny. I think you'd find things financially a lot easier, and your OH can find a job in another area instead.

Nothing I have said is meant to sound harsh, you've thought for yourself so far, and you seem very determined to get out of debt. However to have a long term future with your OH he needs to as well, as you can't have money driving this huge barrier between you. Well done in passing the 50% cleared mark!

ellerose

Hi Jenna,
Have only just seen this thread for the first time and wanted to say hello. I was in a similar situation once having lent my (now ex) OH a lot of money and I totally understand the destructive influence of the resentment it causes!! All of my debt is attributable to lending him money so for me being debt free is also being free of him - am looking forward to it! Well done on passing the 50% mark - can't wait for that to happen to me too!