Everything is falling apart having a major panic **SOA added**

Jenna

Hi everyone sorry but just need to get some things off my chest I am having a major panic today, it's all just falling apart, and don't know what to do for the best.

Basically my OH (who I live with) owes me money - and it's been an issue for a while as he wasn't paying me back regularly and that was really getting to me and making me resentful. Anyway he (LONG story!!!!) is now out of work and looking for a job so in my own mind (although I am annoyed about it) have put the debt on the back burner as I'm aware he can't pay it back to me now until he's working again.

The problem I have is that he has some salary owing to him but not much e.g. we can afford the bills (or at least the crucial ones) that are due beginning of April. But after that will be so screwed. We rent so no option to take a payment holiday.

I both can't afford and don't want to end up subbing him on the bills. Even if I could afford it it will only make me more resentful and cause even more fights about money - and in fact my budget is extremely tight anyway so I can't really afford to pay out extra anyway.

BUT if it gets to the point where we can't pay our rent what do I do?! :eek: I am really really stressed about what we'll do if he doesn't get a job in the next week or so. THANKFULLY we haven't booked a holiday yet so no huge outgoings committed to - though my CC is coming up for the end of it's 0% rate in a few months so that's got to be a priority to as it'll be on 16.9% after that! I've applied for a new 0% CC but not got an answer on whether or not it's been accepted ... so who knows.

I have 1x credit agreement which is in my sole name (though it was a joint spend!). The DD is set up to come out of my account but I've been paying his half too (due to the no work thing) so I now owe much less than him on it. Will the company accept it if I move the DD to his account? I don't want to be stuck with the DD and automatically having to lend him more each month as the DD hits.

Also I cancelled my mobile contract a few months ago and they just sent me a bill for £60!! Why would they do this, I gave them 30 days notice?! I can't afford to pay this and they're saying it's overdue, will this go on my credit file? I will be SO angry if my CC application gets declined over their mistake :mad:

Argh I feel SO mean saying all this - he is a great guy who I love to bits. I'm just scared if I end up loaning him more money I'll just be angry at myself and him later on - and I don't want to end up messing up our relationship through trying to be helpful, that would be so dumb!! And I know how angry/stressed it makes me even with the money he owes me now.

Grr OK if you got this far then thanks! I am just so stressed out with it all I can actually feel my throat closing up and can't breathe properly, I am trying to be calm but I can't focus and just scared of how things will work out.

Sorry sorry sorry for rambling!!

nattypants

Hi Jenna,

I didn't want to read your post and "run" as you sound really frustrated.

I do know that you'll soon receive loads of messages offering sound advice, but in the meantime I wish you the very best in sorting this out.

ps. when you cancelled your mobile contract, is this the only bill you have received since then? If so, I think the £60 may be final settlement for call charges, line rental etc......

:DNP:D:D

Buffythedebtslayer

Paying your rent is your priority,

I would see if any of the other debts would let you have a payment holiday? just for a month. I have no idea if such a thing is possible, but if you don't ask you don't get, can you offer to pay less for a month.

I would ring the mobilephone company and ask them to explain what is goingon

and I would write a lot more but really don't feel well so will be back in a sec

xxxxxx

Shoe_Gal

Hi Jenna

Hope you feel a bit better for writing it all down? Now deep breath and stop panicing - I was madde redundant last year and this is the one thing I learned - don't panic and deal with one thing at a time

I'm sure loads will be along with practical advice, keep posting

Shoe Gal x

gizmo111

Check what benefits you will be entitled to whilst he is looking for a job - www.entitledto.co.uk that may help with the rent and council tax.
Check the mobile bill - it may be the charge to the end of your contract, if you dont pay then they will default you, much easier to pay and keep your credit record clear and fight any amounts after.
The credit agreemnt in your name cna be changed to a dd in his name - the bank wont care where the money comes from BUT he hasn't got the money to pay it and when the DD bounces out of his account it wil lagain be your credit record affected and also he has no legal responsibility for it so they will come after you for it.

Jenna

Thanks guys yeah I do feel a bit better for getting it all out. NP you're right, I AM frustrated, it just feels like 1 step forward and 2 back. I paid 1x bill already after cancelling which I was told would be the last one so I'm very confused to say the least - I will try and call them 2moro to sort it out. I'm OK with the practical stuff but don't know how to handle my emotions. Don't want to fight with OH either. I know everyone has to have their own LBM but it is lonely sometimes - and it's not like I have the option to ignore it, since he owes ME money too, not just the banks.

Thanks for listening xx

mummytofour

Hiya Op.
Something that sticks out to me, is your are talking about not wanting to sub your OH?
Sorry if I am old fashioned or dont know all the facts but if you live together then you should support each other including financially. In the eyes of the law you would be expected to also.

I cant really understand the way you are viewing the finances as him and me, what about us?

Pollycat

mummytofour wrote: »

Hiya Op.
Something that sticks out to me, is your are talking about not wanting to sub your OH?
Sorry if I am old fashioned or dont know all the facts but if you live together then you should support each other including financially. In the eyes of the law you would be expected to also.

I cant really understand the way you are viewing the finances as him and me, what about us?

I personally agree with you, mummytofour, but sharing doesn't work for everybody.
Jenna doesn't say how long they've been together, that may have a bearing on how they manage their finances.

Jenna
maybe you could clarify how you and your OH deal with bills i.e. who pays what, what you share etc.
Is there any way that you can complete a SOA - either one for each or you or a combined one?
Here's the template:
http://www.makesenseofcards.com/soacalc.html

ricll
if you can't contribute anything useful, maybe the DFW board is not really the place for you.

Jenna

Hey,

No, that's not old fashioned at all! My problem with supporting him is I already lent him several thousand pounds (to pay off CC debt with crippling interest rates). So for me it's not 'Do I help him?' but 'Do I help him AGAIN?' ... if you know what I mean?

We've been together for a few years so that's not the issue. But I don't want to be taken advantage of - I don't believe he'd not pay me back on purpose, of course, but there's always some bill cropping up for him & judging by the past I'm bottom priority to pay back - after all, I don't charge interest, apply penalty charges or affect his credit score!

I'm probably sounding harsh towards him and I don't mean to. He is a wonderful guy who I love. He just doesn't share my attitude about it being important to repay debts... and if I give him money now, and he carries on as before not paying me back, what do I do then? What if the resentment I feel breaks us up?

So no - you're not old fashioned - I am just trying to learn from my mistakes.

Jenna

Pollycat - forgot to say - we split all the bills 50/50. He earns more than me but has more debt so I've never pressed the issue! Can try and do an SOA but won't get chance tonight sorry.

There's no easy answer here I don't think - I just needed to vent - thanks for 'listening' xx

ladybez

Jenna, you will find loads of help and support on here. I am no expert but do understand where you are coming from, where one half of a relationship tries to take a responsible attitude to payments etc and the other doesnt, life can become difficult and resentment can build up, as I know first hand. Ultimately you will have to decide how to proceed but the people on here will give you loads of advice. Take care and keep posting