Everything is falling apart having a major panic **SOA added**

Jenna

Thanks Ladybez, I've been reading your thread too, I just don't understand how they can be so calm about it?! And as for not paying it back well I just don't get it - my debts worry me, I know the exact balances & have been trying to reduce them for what feels like forever. I've been all too aware that my 0% rate will end in June for months - OH suddenly seemed to wake up to it last week. Bit late?!

I can see we have different attitudes to money but there must be some compromise... but ultimately if I 'let him off' and sub him again, what has he learnt, and why is he likely to repay me anything?

I don't know if I am right or not - just thinking out loud - all thoughts welcome. Night all

ladybez

I'm probably the last person to be offering advice but my gut feeling is not to sub him any further. I know this is really hard but I think he needs to wake up to his financial responsibilities (like someone else I know!!!) Be there for him but don't do it all for him. Good luck with SOA you will get plenty of practical advice once that has been posted, there will be ways to save but sometimes you can be too close to the problem to see any yourself. Take care

Jenna

Yeah ... that's the bit I'm worried about ... e.g. if I do help him out again then what happens next time? But of course don't want to offend him (and I know his first response will be "Don't you trust me? You know I'll get it back to you eventually!"). So I will feel horribly guilty if I say I won't lend him it ... I may go with the slightly less problematic can't lend him any money (since I don't have it to lend!).

I am trying to be reassuring and supportive with the job hunt so hopefully he still feels that I'm on "his side" with it all.

And yes I will try to do that SOA, I've posted one on here before but it's probably really out of date now, so I'll have a go soon.

TCM_3

Hi Jenna

I would write to your mobile company and express your dis-satisfaction etc. i did and they wrote off the cancellation fee and i just paid the balance on the account for that months rental and calls.

I don't know what to say to you to offer financial advice. I think i would be trying to keep your finances seperate and you have already looked at a 0% transfer. Check any benefits you might be due and now would also be a good time to start and try to reclaim any charges on cards or bank accounts (my best friend got a cheque for £900 this morning!).

Am thinking of you... hang on in there
Tracey

Jenna

Thanks Tracey ... that's a good idea about writing to the mobile company. Mm I am trying to keep them separate but it's difficult just at the moment... haven't heard back about the 0% offer. I'm applying for DLA due to my health (my old DLA award has just expired & I'm late handing in the new set of forms - eek!). I don't really have many charges due, maybe 2 or 3, but it might be worth it for my OH - I did mention it to him and also that it might qualify under the "hardship" rules as he doesn't have a job right now. Well done to your friend! Thanks for your reply xx

TCM_3

You stay strong girl. Am thinking of you xx

Hollyberry

It must be very hard to be in a situation where you are balancing concern for someone you love with frustration at their (different) attitude to debt. I don't have any magic suggestions, but I think that can't rather than won't help is a wise road to travel. And this is what I am hearing; it's not as though you are merrily spending away on luxuries while your partner is on sparse rations. It's a difficult balance you are managing; love and support combined with a bit of tough love must be really challenging.

Wishing you all the best.

Jenna

Thanks Holly - much appreciated - and yes you are right, my budget is very tight and I'm certainly not off spending on lots of luxuries, it's all going on the debts right now. It is a bit of a nightmare to be honest and I'm never really sure what to say to him.

We were originally (a few months ago) talking about going on holiday in June, but now I'm thinking that will need to be on hold (unless whatever new role he gets has a brill salary of course lol) ... at least til Jul/Aug to give a bit of breathing space, or maybe later depending on what the finances are ... so hard to tell at this stage. Actually I'm not that bothered about delaying it as want to pay off the CC so badly - my only worry now is what if he wants to put it on the CC? I really do hope not. I don't think he could be that bad really but it has just started to worry me for some reason.

I'm just about to go and work on my DLA forms some more - really must get those back now - I am not going to be able to afford to see my psych this month without it. I may have to dip into the CC savings as can't really afford (emotionally speaking) to stop at the minute.

I am stressed enough to be having problems breathing when I get really bad (the term 'panic attacks' springs to mind but I don't really know if this is the same?). And though I feel better in myself (by and large) than a year ago when I started seeing my psych I do still get bad patches and at the moment I am certainly in one ... nothing feels real and I just feel trapped.

Ey well. Can't see my way through this so will just have to keep putting one foot in front of another and hope it all works out for the best. Sorry to whinge on.

Radish72

Hi

I dont think I should pass comment on what you should do about lending your OH money again

But if the topic comes up again and he tells you that you will get the money, tell him that you want a budgeted plan of how much he will pay you back each week/month, also include the origional loan, with a end date.

He'll probably laugh at you, but maybe him sitting down and working out where his money goes will make him open his eyes to the problem

Jenna

Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet

Household Information
Number of adults in household........... 2
Number of children in household......... 0
Number of cars owned.................... 1 This is my car and I need it for work. I am not well (hence the benefits) and therefore I cannot consider selling it and using public transport instead.

Monthly Income Details
Monthly income after tax................ 1210.08 I am a contractor and get paid weekly. This is my weekly income x4. On a month with 5 weeks I would regard this as a 'bonus week' and use the extra money towards debt repayment - or clothes/holiday/birthday presents if I was short.
Partners monthly income after tax....... 0 I haven't included my OH's details. We split the bills 50/50 - he takes care of some and I look after others. For the bills that he is paying, I have written OH next to them, so it is clearer for you.
Benefits................................ 142 This is a DLA payment due to my health condition. It has now stopped because I didn't get the forms back on time. This is a HUGE priority for me now to get these completed and returned.
Other income............................ 0
Total monthly income.................... 1352.08

Monthly Expense Details
Mortgage................................ 0
Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 0
Rent.................................... 537.5
Management charge (leasehold property).. 0
Council tax............................. 63.5
Electricity............................. 43.2
Gas..................................... 0
Oil..................................... 0
Water rates............................. 25
Telephone (land line)................... 0 OH
Mobile phone............................ 35
TV Licence.............................. 0 OH
Satellite/Cable TV...................... 0 OH
Internet Services....................... 0 OH
Groceries etc. ......................... 90
Clothing................................ 0 I haven't bought any new clothes since last July therefore I don't budget for them. If I did need new clothes I could use some money from a 'bonus week' or work some OT (health permitting).
Petrol/diesel........................... 40 A tenner a week is a good guesstimate here.
Road tax................................ 10
Car Insurance........................... 49.68 This includes RAC breakdown cover (£33/yr minus £21 cashback = £1/month).
Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 14.32 This is my last MOT figure divided by 12.
Car parking............................. 0
Other travel............................ 0
Childcare/nursery....................... 0
Other child related expenses............ 0
Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 228.24 I know this is ridiculously high. It's made up as follows:

£200 psych
£18.24 dental ins
£10 'dailies' contact lenses (though I don't wear them everyday so 30 days supply lasts more like 6-8 weeks)

Pet insurance/vet bills................. 0
Buildings insurance..................... 0 Landlord pays this
Contents insurance...................... 0 OH
Life assurance ......................... 0
Other insurance......................... 0
Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 33 This is my Christmas budget but I've mostly stopped saving for it as am focusing on debts instead. Birthdays are budgeted for out of the 'bonus weeks' or (health permitting) OT. I try not to spend too much - though OH tends to get more than friends!
Haircuts................................ 40 In theory I save £20 a month towards haircuts - in practice I've had my hair cut once in the last 18 months (don't laugh, it actually looks very nice!). Also £20 / 6 weeks to go to a beauty therapist (legs etc waxed). I know this sounds expensive but actually when you think that a packet of Veet is £4.50 or so it works out both cheaper and less time consuming.
Entertainment........................... 80 £20 a week is my spending money - this covers food/drinks at work or anything I do at the weekend. The food at work is a big cost but most times I don't feel well enough to make myself lunch. I'm now considering taking some potatoes and microwaving them as a compromise - must be organised and try this!
Holiday................................. 10 A total guess - I put whatever money is spare into the debts, but if I suddenly get a lot spare, I will chuck some more into the holiday and Xmas funds too.
Emergency fund.......................... 0
Total monthly expenses.................. 1299.44


Assets
Cash.................................... 383.77 This is my current CC savings.
House value (Gross)..................... 0
Shares and bonds........................ 133 Pretty sure I have some premium bonds - must look into cashing these out.
Car(s).................................. 300 If I'm lucky ... lol
Other assets............................ 0
Total Assets............................ 816.77

No Secured nor Hire Purchase Debts

Unsecured Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
Credit Card....................1475......25........0 This goes onto 16.9% at the beginning of June 2009
Sofa...........................227.27....25........0 This is joint with my OH and we pay £52 / month together. I am OK with paying the total amount while he is looking for a job but after that he needs to take the DD on to pay down his side of the debt.
Family.........................880.......5.........0 They have told me they don't need this back til next year so I am just paying a token amount to show willing. Can then focus on this after commercial debt gone.
Total unsecured debts..........2582.27...55........-


Monthly Budget Summary
Total monthly income.................... 1,352.08
Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 1,299.44
Available for debt repayments........... 52.64
Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 55
Amount short for making debt repayments. -2.36

Personal Balance Sheet Summary
Total assets (things you own)........... 816.77
Total HP & Secured debt................. -0
Total Unsecured debt.................... -2,582.27
Net Assets.............................. -1,765.5

Created using the SOA calculator at www.makesenseofcards.com.
Reproduced on Moneysavingexpert with permission, using Firefox browser.

I know the total comes to a shortfall of a few pounds but actually in real life I always balance (using witchcraft perhaps?! No idea how :rotfl:). Either a little OT, or spend less on food, or don't save towards haircut etc etc.

So - the usual DFW brand of [STRIKE]ripping apart[/STRIKE] constructive criticism is welcomed please