I'm back (VERY SCARED) debt free diary

kelie

Hi Kelie, just read through your diary and I really feel for you, 27 is very young to lose your dad, and I was sorry to hear that.

Anyway, you do sound young but in a good way. Is your OH being supportive with regards to your dad?, does he cook for you or even run you a bath? (or nip to the shops for a bar of chocolate for you?). I'm not working at the moment (although frantically looking for a job), and I constantly feel like a parasite on my dear OH, he's been pretty good - but getting a bit impatient with me lately(due to finances being really tight) but we have a DS (11) who I take care of, and I do all the housework, cooking & finances. My confidence has taken a real hit since I left my job and I was wondering if that could be his problem too. Could he perhaps enrol in a college/uni course for a career he's more interested in, at least he would get a bursary/student loan and could contribute with that & it would maybe boost his confidence to get a part time job. Anyway good luck with it all, I will pop in again xx

He does have his moments, the day my dad passed he was absolutely amazing and I didn't think he would be because of the emotional issues. He doesn't really do the nipping out and getting me chocolate but he does cook for us quite a lot, and also hoovers, takes the bins out etc. I think if he didn't do these things he would definately get the heave-ho. I'm not sure if he might be bi-polar or something though as he has terrible mood swings and when he is in one, he can say some really hurtful things.

I told him this morning I am not giving him any more money for alcohol from the shops, nor to go out with in town tonight, tomorrow etc. He generally either goes out on a friday night, saturday night or both but we can't afford it. He is very childlike and for a 30 year old has no concept on how much things cost.

I hope he can change and support me, but I have a feeling he's not going to be able to overcome his addictions.

The plan for today is to go to the post office and post all my amazon books I've sold. I sold another one this morning, an old business plans for dummies but I don't really need it. Not as much as the £8.99 diet one, but it all adds up.

I also want to try and sort out my office and actually sit in here working on projects in house and client work for more than an hour although my sister has phoned me to tell me she's dropping my mum off in a couple of hours and I have to take her food shopping (she can't drive and lives remotely). So that will be a couple of hours chunk out of my day probably. Im half tempted to leave the cards at home so that when i'm walking around with her looking at the food etc, I can't be tempted to buy anything. That might actually work.

I do have a freezer full of meat and food etc, that I should really start eating instead of buying fresh. I always forget to defrost it though in the morning. I was making batches of cottage pie and spag bol etc and freezing them. I've eaten most of the spares now, but the OH doesn't like cottage pie so it's great that I make 4 portions and freeze 3.

mrscmr

hello kelie
how are you today? yes leave the cards at home when u go out later. good about ur book selling... how does that work then? is it like ebay? i sold anothier ebay item last night for 19 pounds so im good. have 2 more on at the moment, but with 9 days on them to go so lots of time to wait.
maybe take oh out for nice 'free' walk at weekend and have a heart to heart with him.
you enjoy some sunshine and have a good weekend!
cuddles
mrscmr

kelie

Haven't been to food shop yet but am definately not buying anything. Post office wasn't as expensive as I thought it was going to be. I'd be predicted a parcel to america was going to cost £30 but it only actually came to £5.67 and my other 2 books to the UK were £1.08 and £3 something so definately made a profit. Basically on amazon, you search for your book, then you choose "got one to sell" so when people are looking for the book they have the option of getting a cheaper second hand one.

I did buy another roll of brown paper since mines just run out, which was 99p and two mothers day cards, one for mine and one of OH's. I was going to make them but at 27 years old and limited supplies I decided buying them one each was better. I haven't got a present for OH mum, but I have got an avon necklace set for mine which took me over the commission earning barrier anyway.

Just come back and OH has informed me he is going out this evening with his mate greg in town for a few hours. He never means a few hours, always stays out till 1 or 2am when the late pubs shut here. I asked him how he was going to fund this outting and he looked at me and shruged his shoulders.

I have a friend coming to stay for the weekend, she does most weekends and she is a gem. Don't think we have much planned for the weekend she usually likes to go window shopping but I hate it, and it costs petrol anyway so I might suggest we organise me office. Not much fun for her but free for me! We'll see. Again if she decides shopping is what she wants to do, I will leave all cards at home apart from enough money for petrol in case I run out / severn bridge money. That in itself is £5.40 !!!

Metranil_Vavin

I can only repeat what other's have said. Your b/f is taking the pi55, particularly given the horrible time you are going through at the moment. He's not a teenager, he's a 30 year old man and wants to start acting like one.

You are right to give him an ultimatum...find a job and start being responsible for himself or he's out. Otherwise why would he bother to change anything? He's getting a free ride from you, and from the sounds of it just going off out with his mates when its suits him and spending your money!..cheeky git!

If you think he genuinely needs some help for his drinking/depression etc then he needs to recognise he has problems, so you being a soft touch and giving him money to spend on booze isnt going to galvinize him.

Sorry..dont mean to sound harsh. You do sound like a nice girl who is going through a very tough time, and frankly I think you deserve better.

savingholmes

Hi - just wanted to offer my sympathies regarding the sad loss of your dad.

I also wanted to congratulate you on some of the steps you've taken so far. I do agree with the other posters that you need to separate your finances from your current and any previous partner - and realistically past behaviour is the best predictor of future behaviour. I think you need to seriously look at whether your partner is capable of changing in the short to medium term - at the moment it doesn't seem very likely....

I know it is difficult - but you need to value yourself enough to do what is right for you... Sometimes it is better to be on your own than to be trapped in a relationship where all the giving seems to be one sided... Obviously we only know what you've stated in your diary but from what you've told us about his gambling, unemployed status and his spending he certainly isn't obviously supporting you in your attempt to get debt free and make a success of life!

All the best !

kdalwayskint

Hi Kelie

Sending hugs for your situation and agree with all posts re bf, I am just going through the i'm better off without someone who keeps making me feel down thing at the moment.

Only one other thing to mention, I have tried the Sales Leadership thing with Avon and I have got to say I ended up out of pocket, and they are one of my bad creditors on my SOA. Please enter into this with your eyes wide open hun x

good luck hun x

kd

Wordsmith

Hi, Kelie

Glad to see you are seeming more positive and are making steps forward. How is your relationship with your OH's parents? Can you talk to them about his addictions and get them on-side?

kelie

and from the sounds of it just going off out with his mates when its suits him and spending your money!..cheeky git!

Every saturday definately, and pretty much every Friday too. Well I was very good I didn't spend any money in somerfield, but my mum bless her bought me some toothpaste and some apples. Had a really yummy dinner that OH made with stuff we had here and then I dropped him off at his mates house (they were going into town together) and me and my friend went to my mums to pamper her. We took face masks and diet trifle lol. Had a really nice time there and i've just come back (left mate at mums to keep her company for the night - her idea bless her) to a very talkative lonely !!!!! cat who is half sat on my laptop looking at me with his gorgeous blue eyes.

Only one other thing to mention, I have tried the Sales Leadership thing with Avon and I have got to say I ended up out of pocket, and they are one of my bad creditors on my SOA. Please enter into this with your eyes wide open hun x

KD how did you end up out of pocket? I was told that if 5 people sign up under me (and my sales leader will help me get 5 people) that I would make 5% on all sales they make, and it goes up the more people you have? Only outlay they explained was a £25 signup?

Glad to see you are seeming more positive and are making steps forward. How is your relationship with your OH's parents? Can you talk to them about his addictions and get them on-side?

We get on really well considering I don't know if its because im taking their son off their hands since he still lived at home and was a pain in the bottom there too. His mum knows everything I had to tell her around christmas because I was getting more and more frustrated. Before then, apart from giving us the odd food parcel, she gave me £500 towards one of the months which i reluctantly accepted she wouldn't take no for an answer. That went straight on rent (we had moved temporarily out of the house i half own).

OH phoned the doctors earlier this afternoon. I made him put it on speakerphone so I could hear the receptionist too. She said he had to phone back at 8am on monday as there was nothing for the rest of the day. So have told him he really needs to do that and am going to push him to. Tomorrow is going to be a nightmare because he is playing football with the lads in the afternoon then the wales / ireland rugby game is on and I think he was planning on going out to watch it. Generally when he does that, he stays out until 1 or 2am and doesn't bother coming home until then. even if he only goes out with £10 he seems to make it last I assume letting mates buy him drinks.

I am meant to be taking mum and friend shopping for a few hours in the afternoon, but am going to tell them before we go not to let me spend any money. It's torture, a bit like putting an alcoholic in a pub and telling him not to drink gah.

kelie

Bad weekend. Saturday morning I woke up after a nice lie in and was getting ready to take OH to football. He was 45 mins late which in turn made me 45 mins late grr. Before he left he brought down his £4 change from his night out Friday but explained he was watching the rugby with the football boys but coming home early to spend the evening with me and proceeded to raid the cupcake money box. He scraped £12 worth of change and off we went.

I picked up mum and mate and we had 2 hours shopping. Think mum felt sorry for me cos a guy collecting for cancer made me burst into tears. She dragged me into new look and told me to pick out a couple of bits which she bought for me. I did end up spending in tesco around £25 but we didn't have our Saturday night ritual takeaway and had pasta instead.

I dropped mum home and we came back to mine. OH text me at 10pm!!!! Saying he was on way back. He never texts me so he must have been relatively sober. Guess u can't get drunk on £12. Oh how wrong was I. He phoned me at 1.30am to pick him up his football mates had been shouting him drinks when he ran out of money. Some early night!!!

This morning was no better. My mate had a call from her mum to say her border collie had gone missing for 7 hours. Mate burst into tears so I had to drive her home 45 mins each way and drive around looking for her dog. I was an hour and a half late for lunch at OH parents which was ruined and the blasted red light for petrol came on the car. Put 15 quid worth of petrol in and went too see my mum this evening. Haven't long got back. Good news is mates dog was handed into RSPCA and he is home and well. Expensive weekend.

Not looking forward to this week. Dads funeral is Tuesday.

kelie

Oo forgot one good thing. Sold 3 more books on amazon. And OH is supposed to be phoning doctors first thing in morning about his drinking.