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MONEY MORAL DILEMMA. Should Tina lend to close mate Stina?

in MoneySaving polls
62 replies 66K views


  • jenniewbjenniewb Forumite
    12.8K Posts
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Combo Breaker I've been Money Tipped!
    englishmac wrote: »
    I think this post illustrates the difference in community spirit within countries with long established wealth and those countries where mutual support is the difference between struggling and having a good life. Other posts on this thread descibe the danger of lending to supposed 'friends' in a more throwaway society. Genuine friends wouldn't borrow and not repay their debt. If you can't afford to lose the money, don't lend it to anyone. Even someone who has the good intention to pay the money back can't forsee the future - it could all go pear shaped.

    I think thats maybe why I would lend to my friends- I am a born Brit, my friends are too, but we all lived in a hostel-type home together for about 2 years, about 9 years ago. We have all 'roughed it' and struggled with money, but we struggled together. Living off small amounts, you learn the 'value of money' and to not pay someone back would be NOT OK! in so many ways.

    We all seemed to pay each other back as we would never borrow from each other unless we knew we could pay each other back again.

    Maybe thats the difference.
  • TaffybikerTaffybiker Forumite
    927 Posts
    Why is Stina's credit score so bad if she has always made the payments? She may have been refused on one card but there are almost certainly other deals out there for her. I would help her find one.
    Try saying "I have under-a-pound in my wallet" and listen to people react!
  • Bad idea. Money and friendships don't mix well.

    I once lent a lot of money to a 'friend' towards starting a business and it went well for a couple of years. When it bombed, he said that he could not pay me back before he had paid his dad back. He had borrowed a lot more money from his dad. That's the last time I saw him.

    I see other replies here that follow the same path as mine.

    On the other hand, if you lend a 'friend' a tenner and don't see him again, it is probably a tenner well spent. Never a lender or borrower be!
  • i would say never lend friends money cos you almost always lose them as friends so if she a realy good friend and you dont want to lose her then dond lend it
  • JayDJayD Forumite
    656 Posts
    Part of the Furniture 500 Posts Combo Breaker
    I am happy to lend to friends in need but only amounts that I know I could live without if for any reason they couldn't repay me.
    The old saying "there's many a slip between cup and lip" is proved true all too often.

    £3000 is way over my 'I could live without it, if I had to' limit.

    So no, I wouldn't lend the money on this occasion.
  • Credit sounds positive. It’s usually something you get for good work or give for good work, but in this context the correct spelling of credit is D E B T. Therefore Stina actually has significant debts, which implies an underlying problem in her life, which is not going to go away simply because she transfers her debt from a card company to a friend. It might reduce her immediate repayment scheme but that does not address the issue that she accumulates debt.

    As for Tina, she is being asked to hand over her savings, instantly losing all accumulatable interest. This means she has no savings and no prospect of a guaranteed return on her account. Stina also has no savings as she will be giving Tina’s money to the card company. This leaves us with two friends, neither with savings; one being owed money + interest; the other owing money +interest + a debt accumulation problem. The situation has obviously worsened therefore Stina’s suggestion is a negative one.

    Tina if she wishes to help ought to encourage Stina to seek debt counselling/management advice, offering to stand by her until the necessary changes are made. That is friendship. The original suggestion is folly and and potentially a sinking influence on the friendship.
  • A.JonesA.Jones Forumite
    508 Posts
    I'd want at least 100% interest if her credit rating is that bad.
  • tallgirldtallgirld Forumite
    484 Posts
    Part of the Furniture
    NO WAY!!!
    I lost 11k over the years doing that sort of thing for friends/boyfriends/family.
    They end up TAKING THE MICK!!! My brother still owes me £400 for a treadmill that I sold him in 2004. He has repaid NOTHING!!! (still love him though just wont let it happen again)

    Moral of the story..... I NOW KEEP MY MONEY FOR MYSELF :-)
  • starbumpstarbump Forumite
    357 Posts
    Agree with those that say: only if you can afford to lose/gift the money.

    It is nothing to do with how perfect your friendship is (although you would surely only lend to a true friend, not a casual acquaintance) but more to do with the uncertainty of predicting the future. Any number of unfortunate things may happen to prevent the money being paid back, despite your friend's best/good intentions e.g. bankruptcy or death.
  • I lent a 'friend' £25 in the early 1980's so she could buy Christmas presents for her 2 kids.....never got it back and I felt the guilty one asking for it back - so I never did. Older and wiser now
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