best way to communicate with a non-resident parent?

ritchie

I am a full time PWC (father). Other parent the NRP gets contact during school holidays. used to arrange contact via text messages but that was getting messy. Then we agreed to text dates then follow up in writing via letter. Worked for a good few months till NRP decided she was too lazy and could not be bothered.

Now received a letter backdated from NRP saying i owe them money for last contact (which was not agreed), this was post dated after the last contact!
I will reply in writing but realise this form of communication is not working so need some help....how do other PWC and NRPs communicate?

Note - talking does not work as NRP is very nasty and always wants money (even though i am PWC!). Letters have not worked, and texts just are too much hassle.........:wall:

claire1234

hhmm its a very hard one when it comes to children etc.

my hubby has 2 kids (the mother is the PWC) we use to see them on weekends and thru holidays,
the PWC kept changing dates and doing everything how she wanted ie working around her going on holiday etc,

i asked her to put in writing all the dates of which the kids would be coming to see us and for her to give me a copy and keep a copy for herself, then if she was going to be late/early dropping them off or picking them up to let me know quickly by text.
this worked for about a year then she was slacking off.

in the end i went to the solicitors and this is the only way that has worked for us, might not work for you but has for us and like you the mother is very aggresive so phone calls wernt really a option.

Money: in one letter from the solicitor i stated that CSA money is been paid therefore no more money should be demanded from the mother (kids also get pocket money,top up money etc)

so for us personally the solicitors with everything in writing was the only thing that is working,

hth,
good luck

smartpicture

Emails are so much simpler than letters, you can dash one off in seconds, no finding stamps & getting to the letterbox so mayber your ex will be more inclined to keep that up? You can also respond quite quickly if you don't agree with something, everything is date-stamped automatically, everything is recorded in case anyone changes their mind or 'forgets' what's agreed. What's not to like?

ritchie

smartpicture wrote: »

Emails are so much simpler than letters, you can dash one off in seconds, no finding stamps & getting to the letterbox so mayber your ex will be more inclined to keep that up? You can also respond quite quickly if you don't agree with something, everything is date-stamped automatically, everything is recorded in case anyone changes their mind or 'forgets' what's agreed. What's not to like?

I was rather hoping "email" would not be an option...as basically i dont trust giving out my email to NRP. NRP is always agressive and moans about how i bring up our child.
Problem is NRP always keeps changing their mind. last time i sent out several letters stating dates available for last school holidays, they did not even bother replying! And the NRP always has the cheek to ask me for more contact time! Now they saw child for a few days recently but demanding me to pay their travel expenses. Last time they tried to refuse to return child back to me (I am PWC) unless i paid THEM money!

I will consider emails but i really need something that can be used in court as evidence if matter is ever returned back to the courts as i always do my part, but get really frustrated by their lack of comitment and ignorance.

mumoftwins

ritchie wrote: »

I was rather hoping "email" would not be an option...as basically i dont trust giving out my email to NRP. NRP is always agressive and moans about how i bring up our child.
Problem is NRP always keeps changing their mind. last time i sent out several letters stating dates available for last school holidays, they did not even bother replying! And the NRP always has the cheek to ask me for more contact time! Now they saw child for a few days recently but demanding me to pay their travel expenses. Last time they tried to refuse to return child back to me (I am PWC) unless i paid THEM money!

I will consider emails but i really need something that can be used in court as evidence if matter is ever returned back to the courts as i always do my part, but get really frustrated by their lack of comitment and ignorance.

Could you not open a 2nd email account purely for this sort of contact?

feelinggood_2

Could you include a stamped, addressed envelope with each letter? If you state in your letter 'please find enclosed stamped addressed envelope' then perhaps she'll be more inclined to reply? That way, its clear that you are trying your hardest, its all in black and white?

tiamai_d

One good thing about email is that you can request a receipt thing to show that they have received email, opened or deleted it. That way she can't claim not to have gotten it. And she can send you all the abuse she wants, it's pretty easy to prove that the email came from her if you take it further (letters are not so easy).

Good luck, she sounds... lovely...:rolleyes:

claire1234

ritchie wrote: »

i really need something that can be used in court as evidence if matter is ever returned back to the courts as i always do my part, but get really frustrated by their lack of comitment and ignorance.

sounds more like everything needs to be written.

date and sign everything then keep a photocopy for yourself,
any letters you get from here make sure you write or stamp on the date you recieved it and make photocopies,

Susan_Frost

I am not too clear about what is happening. I feel you are trying to organise the contact dates that ex can have the child(ren).

Why are you struggling and going to such lengths to get it arranged. Sounds as though she is not that interested. Can you not inform her of what is available, state those dates will be held for (say) 2 weeks then be subject to change. Then, yes, using a newly established email address send it out and leave it at that. You have proof. But if I wanted my kids, I would do my best to get it sorted. Just dont get into dialogue. Ignore requests for money, save, but just dont reply.

Not easy dealing with a difficult ex, but what is her attitude teaching your child?

ritchie

tiamai_d wrote: »

One good thing about email is that you can request a receipt thing to show that they have received email, opened or deleted it. That way she can't claim not to have gotten it. And she can send you all the abuse she wants, it's pretty easy to prove that the email came from her if you take it further (letters are not so easy).

Good luck, she sounds... lovely...:rolleyes:

Okay email seems the way forward, i have an old free email account which i could re-use, but yahoo/hotmail does not offer service of read receipts etc.
She is NOT lovely - thats why i am 100% happy to be divorced full time dad!

Susan frost - NRP attitude is one of greed and anger. I pay some help towards NRP travel expenses for some school holiday contact, but NRP attitude is if they cant see child during school holidays because they are busy then i should be paying travel costs if they see child at other times. This at no fault of mine or child. I personally think its bcecause NRP pays some money via CSA and they are trying to claw back whatever they can from me!

Susan_Frost

In that case, CSA have said what the payments should be (her to you). So refuse to pay anything and if she will not see the child because of it then is it not best she has less to do with their lives.

She is their mum and only she can be a good mum. You cannot make her into one, however much you try to facilitate the contact.

Seems your child is better off with just you. Your happy being a 100% dad. You are giving dates and if she cannot bother to reply and make reasonable arrangements, then what are you worried about. Get on with your lives together and enjoy it. Good luck