The 'cant afford a baby' generation?

TotallyBroke

Kaz2904 wrote: »

Someone once said to me that if everyone waited until they could afford it to have children, then no one would ever have any. I find this quite true really.
Children cost as little or as much as you want them to (apart from childcare). There are other ways of doing it too, if you will lose that much money from paying out childcare, it may be better to give up full time work, stay at home with the children and go out to work in the evenings or at weekends.
People are just too selfish to want to give up their frilly bits (Sweeping statement BTW!).

I agree with this but even the bit I have made bold can cost as little or as much as you want.
I have a fantastic childminder for my ds. She has him from 7am until approx 4.30pm although I pay her until 5pm just in case something happens at work or on the roads. She charges me £2.50 per hour so £25 per day. For that she feeds him, washes and bathes him, takes him to playgroup at least twice a week. Takes him and other children on day trips in the holidays for no extra charge. She even washes his pyjamas each day and returns them at the weekend.
So on an average month I pay her £537.50 to have put him in a daycare nusery would've cost me almost double this a month. Most daycare nurseries here are over £900 per month :eek:

Glen0000

TotallyBroke wrote: »

I agree with this but even the bit I have made bold can cost as little or as much as you want.
I have a fantastic childminder for my ds. She has him from 7am until approx 4.30pm although I pay her until 5pm just in case something happens at work or on the roads. She charges me £2.50 per hour so £25 per day. For that she feeds him, washes and bathes him, takes him to playgroup at least twice a week. Takes him and other children on day trips in the holidays for no extra charge. She even washes his pyjamas each day and returns them at the weekend.
So on an average month I pay her £537.50 to have put him in a daycare nusery would've cost me almost double this a month. Most daycare nurseries here are over £900 per month :eek:

Still a hefty sum!!! If my wife paid that out of her wages, there would be no point in her working.

Bennifred

RoxieW wrote: »

Hi all,
More of a discussion point then anything else but its something that I'm finding hard to deal with with a particular friend also, so advice gratefully received.
I have 2 boys and another baby on the way - i had my first baby at 20 and as such was the first of my group of friends to have a baby. 6 years on they seem to be catching up and thinking about taking the plunge - and I'm hearing alot of the above. They'd like to start a family but moan that they cant afford it.
One particularly close friend seems to be quite bitter about this and it's coming out in some quite cutting 'half joking' comments to me. Along the lines of (when she found out i was pregnant) 'havent you two done enough breeding,' 'so you've had enough of work then' and carrying on into how her taxes are supporting my family (my husband is a high rate tax payer - she's referring to child benefit, basic tax credits etc that most families get). She seems to think that there's no way she can afford a family.
Now up until recently I've been biting my tongue but the 'taxes' comment recently tipped me over the edge. In my opinion it's not that she cant afford to have a baby - just that her priorities are different. They both work full time and have a mortgage similar to ours - but they're always complaining of being skint. Yet they drive a very fancy car and go on luxury holidays and spend alot of money socialising. I feel like pointing this out to her - we dont have a flash car on the drive etc. When we had our first child we had to go without and rent a small house, not go out and not have a car. It wasnt ideal but we were happy - I feel like pointing out that if she wanted to do this then she could. It's her choice the same as it was our choice. But there seems to be alot of this 'cant afford a baby' attitude around- isnt it just a case of shifting your priorities?

'Twas ever thus, RoxieW! You pays your money and you takes your choice, as they say. If your friend isn't happy with her life, then she needs to take steps to change it, not take her dissatisfaction out on you. I don't blame you for getting irked, though.

mouche

OH and I are thinking of a baby this year (I'm 30, OH 34) but it isn't a simple decision when we are used to a comfortable DINK lifestyle.

OHs salary (£33K) just about covers our rent, bills, and money to send home to his family. Going single income would mean we can't visit our family anymore (we are not from the UK and visiting our elderly parents once a year is the highlight of our and their year) and never be able to save enough of a deposit to buy our own home.

We won't get any sort of benefits though fortunately we have saved enough for a safety net (it is earmarked as a deposit for a house but I guess that's on hold for now).

We have still decided to go ahead but I hope it will be worth it.

Pee

That's an awful compromise though, having children or seeing your parents...

av_raje

Kaz2904 wrote: »

We've got 2 children. Neither of them were planned. We were in a really poor position when DD arrived and not much better off when DS arrived. We still managed. Even when we had to pay for childcare, it just meant that we went without elsewhere. We both continued to work although most of one wage went on childcare.
Someone once said to me that if everyone waited until they could afford it to have children, then no one would ever have any. I find this quite true really.
Children cost as little or as much as you want them to (apart from childcare). There are other ways of doing it too, if you will lose that much money from paying out childcare, it may be better to give up full time work, stay at home with the children and go out to work in the evenings or at weekends.
People are just too selfish to want to give up their frilly bits (Sweeping statement BTW!).

Very true.

What I find as more annoying is people who say we are child-free as if having children is something to stay clear of.:rolleyes:

mouche

Well perhaps that's an exaggeration. My parents are well off and would be able to visit (or pay for us to visit them) occasionally. And I dare say we could be very MSE and save up enough to visit them every 3 or 4 years (rather than every year as we do now). And the parents are the first to insist we produce grandkids ASAP!

Glen0000

av_raje wrote: »

Very true.

What I find as more annoying is people who say we are child-free as if having children is something to stay clear of.:rolleyes:

They think kids are something to stay clear of though as if they didn’t they would have some!! If someone does not want kids, why should we judge them? Kids are a HUGE responsibility. Some people just don't want that.

SandC

I don't see what's wrong with the term child-free, a lot of people prefer that to using the word childless. It's not necessarily about not wanting the responsibility either. For me, I've just never felt broody or that I want a child, I didn't have this vision as a youngster that I would end up with children either - which is often a presumption that most will have.

Anyway, with the issue of 'can't afford a baby', I think it boils down to whatever people have in terms of finances, they will use those finances up and they can't imagine how people manage with children. When in fact, you simply adapt to the new lifestyle you have. Of course there are some who don't wish to change what they have now, that they have an idea that a child is simply an addition, but when it happens, they often don't want the life they had before.

I think it's unfair of anyone to cast aspersions on those who have children and are having more as a comparison to their own lives. It's just a different route, that's all. I mean, my friend and her fella have a 3 bed detached home. When she was pregnant she was constantly saying how they would have to buy a bigger one. Which is just daft really. Different perceptions I guess - she wouldn't entertain the choice that my brother made, which was for he, his wife and son to stay in the two bed terrace he bought when he was in his early twenties. His stance was that they could afford a house upgrade, or a child and keep some of the luxuries they already had, but not both.

minimacka

TotallyBroke wrote: »

So on an average month I pay her £537.50 to have put him in a daycare nusery would've cost me almost double this a month. Most daycare nurseries here are over £900 per month :eek:

Wow this is more than half of my wages thank goodness that I have a wonderful mum who used to look after my 2 sons like they were her own.

MM