The 'cant afford a baby' generation?

TotallyBroke

Glen0000 wrote: »

Still a hefty sum!!! If my wife paid that out of her wages, there would be no point in her working.

Agree it is a hefty sum but as a single mum with a mortgage I have no choice but to pay it. I chose to have my ds and not abort him so I have to choose to support him and pay for his keep.
I cannot give up work as I would not be able to pay my mortgage. I could not sell my property and rent as I am paying £200-300 mortgage payment but to rent would cost me £600-800 for a 1-2bed flat :eek: I would not get a council property as I would have made myself homeless.

So it is swings and roundabouts and so cannot be compared.
Some people can afford to have children and others can not.
It is all down to each individual person.

I can say that I could not afford a second baby. Although in clothes etc it would not cost me anything I would not be able to afford the added childcare.

DKLS

av_raje wrote: »

Very true.

What I find as more annoying is people who say we are child-free as if having children is something to stay clear of.:rolleyes:

I always describe myself as being child free as opposed to child less. From seeing my various friends and some family members (for me) having children is something to stay well clear of. Their experiences and the numerous "problem child" threads on here have been enough to have me running to the nearest private clinic for the snip.

I cannot honestly see the benefit of having children other than the unconditional love aspect which is often quoted, which if I really desired I would get a dog. Then again I don't think I have a single parenting gene, If i see a baby or toddler, all I hear in my head is the theme to the Omen films :eek::eek::eek:.

I could list a million and 1 valid reasons why I shouldnt have kids.
Like somone else said here, you pays your money and takes your choice.

Glen0000

TotallyBroke wrote: »

Agree it is a hefty sum but as a single mum with a mortgage I have no choice but to pay it. I chose to have my ds and not abort him so I have to choose to support him and pay for his keep.
I cannot give up work as I would not be able to pay my mortgage. I could not sell my property and rent as I am paying £200-300 mortgage payment but to rent would cost me £600-800 for a 1-2bed flat :eek: I would not get a council property as I would have made myself homeless.

So it is swings and roundabouts and so cannot be compared.
Some people can afford to have children and others can not.
It is all down to each individual person.

I can say that I could not afford a second baby. Although in clothes etc it would not cost me anything I would not be able to afford the added childcare.

As you said it is swings and roundabouts. If we had a mortgage that low we could afford another child AND for my wife to give up work. My council house rent is more than that a month on top of the £300+ a month savings we are putting aside to build up a decent deposit.

galvanizersbaby

DKLS wrote: »

I always describe myself as being child free as opposed to child less. From seeing my various friends and some family members (for me) having children is something to stay well clear of. Their experiences and the numerous "problem child" threads on here have been enough to have me running to the nearest private clinic for the snip.

I cannot honestly see the benefit of having children other than the unconditional love aspect which is often quoted, which if I really desired I would get a dog. Then again I don't think I have a single parenting gene, If i see a baby or toddler, all I hear in my head is the theme to the Omen films :eek::eek::eek:.

I could list a million and 1 valid reasons why I shouldnt have kids.
Like somone else said here, you pays your money and takes your choice.

Terms wise I always think of 'child free' as someone who has chosen not to have children (i.e. child free by choice) and the term 'childless' to me suggests somebody who hasn't had any children not through their own choice - this isn't necessary right but I guess one is a positive and one is a negative so probably a common perception

I don't think you or anyone else for that matter needs to list a million and 1 valid reasons though sometimes I think people without children must often feel they need to justify it :rolleyes: not so though in my op

TotallyBroke

It is,
I was lucky I bought my first house (repossession in the 90's) for a ridiculous low amount of money when I was 23. I did not have any intention of having a family back then. The only reason I have a ds now is because of sheer stupidity on my part (although I wouldn't put him back lol).

It is personal choice whether or not people have families and whether they can afford to have them. My own personal experience is anything is doable it's just what your expectations are and what sacrifices you are willing to make to achieve it.

lostinrates

re child free v childless....I'd like a baby, but it hasn't happened. I tend to say 'I don't have children' but I wouldn't want to say I was childless, I might say childfree...I don't see the need to beat my self up over my failure to reproduce!

FWIW we were warned I wouldn't be likely to give birth and so were 'not -not trying' while we knew things would be tight. That said, we could have coped. I think it would still be a stretch for a baby now. DH is a higher tax rate earner, and we would choose, and I accept its a choice, to educate privately. We are not yet home owners and our immeadiate family are spread around the world...my parents are here but would most definitely not be up for, or even too, babysitting regularly. I think I would still say a baby, though very much wanted, would be an expensive decision that would alter our financial outlook, both in the short and longterm, dramatically.

KarrieBee

Hmm it is difficult as OH and I both did postgrad degrees we have only just started earning reasonable salaries after 6 years together of very MS lifestyle! We are trying to save what I earn so we don;t get too used to having a double income and so it isn;t the financal shock to the system when we have a baby and I stop working for a bit - I think having a child probably brings enough surprises and lifestyle changes without worrying about money. I know OH wouldn't have been happy for us to have a child until he felt he could support a family on his salary as we both agreed we don't really want me to have to work (hopefully i will do some pt research work/teaching). But not everyone has the luxury of such choices.
On the flip side of that if we all waited until we were sure we could afford kids there may be a severe drop in the birth rates!

Little_Pickle

RoxieW wrote: »

Actually, its the opposite - her much older OH is desperate for a baby. She says that she'd like one but sometimes I think if she wanted one so badly she'd make it happen.
quote]

darling, I think you've hit the nail on the head. Look, if someone really wanted children they would make it happen no matter what.

My partner and I are 30 and 33 respectively. We are not married (got engaged just before we fell pregnant) and we rent our home.

We chose this way. We chose to have an amazing time in our 20s, get great jobs, spend time with each other, be wild party animals and travel the world.
The whole time we wanted children.

We decided that when I hit 30, we'd start trying regardless of what situation we were in. We had plenty of baby savings (like I said, we planned for it)savings, a nice home, and a great relationship. What more could we need?

I tell you what we needed... some courage. (actually the courage was always there for us - we couldn't wait to start trying) and I think this is what your friend is lacking. Sounds to me like she's making excuses and lashing out because she run out of good ones.

Speak your mind... she's being rude. Good luck!

(p.s, OH surprised me with a proposal on my 30th, had out engagement party 1 month later and fell pregnant the night after the party.... now that's some planning!!!! )

Swans1912

anguk wrote: »

The trouble is some people want to have a baby but also want to keep up their existing lifestyle and aren't willing to compromise, it's almost as if people think they have a right to have everything. I had my first over 20 years ago and things seemed so different then, first-time buyers didn't expect a new detatched house, infact in those days you could only get 3.5x your salary mortgage!

If you really, really want to have a baby you will, cutting back on luxuries, holidays abroad, big new house etc. We managed to afford to have a baby on one low income but we lived a modest lifestyle, didn't go on holiday or get new TVs, we didn't have a car and bought many things 2nd hand. My kids certainly didn't suffer because of lack of money either!

I think as a society we've become very greedy, self-centered & selfish!

Lucky you, 20 years ago you would have bought a house for a small fraction of what one costs now. As a first time buyer my 2 bed mid link (Yes, thats 2 bed, and not a detached house) cost me £115,000 2 years ago. Hardly any first time buyers can afford the deposit for a small house (my friend was told she needs 25%), let alone being accepted for the mortgage itself. The easy times of 10times your salary are well and truly over, dear.

Oh yes, and my mortgage costs me £600 per month spread over 35 years for the "luxury" of owning the most basic of homes. Some people simply cannot afford to go having kids to go back to work to foot the bill for childcare. Personally if I had a child I wouldn't want a childminder, I'd want to look after it myself and so i would have to give up work. I don't think you appreciate how difficult it could be in "this day and age"

chivers1977

we will only be having one child. Our son is in day nursery and up to 3 yrs old is 750 pm 6.30-6.30 (although normally collect earlier). He is going to school in Sept but we will still need breakfast club, afterschool club and holiday club which I am budgeting £250 pm all year round (to have a funds for the holidays). I cannot afford to pay £750 plus £250 and can't give up work. We have decided that although I always planned to have 2, we won't and we will enjoy our son and be able to do more things with him. As it is, we cook OS, we buy whoopsies and from carboots etc.......

We are happy