The 'cant afford a baby' generation?

lynzpower

Hi Chivers

Wow, that really shocked me, you are both out for 12 hours a day, is that right?

I'll be honest, I didint know whether "we - ie I" I was putting off having children because of these sort of issues. About 12ms ago I asked a question on here, and people said- as they do here now- you just cope by cutting back. I know you have been moneysaving longer than me I have always been worried about the long hours we work, as it is we feel guilty for leaving the dog alone for 6 hours, makes us really sad we cant spend more time with her. And thats us living in Zone 1- im only 20mins away from work on the tube. Having a baby would mean living further out- to be able to afford it ( Zone 4/5) so less time at home.

Sorry, just thinking out loud and wondering whether my concerns are a) valid- ie we simplty cant afford it or b) im being obstructive.

Jane2112

Is is difficult nowadys. I had my two in my 20's, when I had a small terraced house mortgaged on just my salary!! I met my current partner when I was 33 and he was open that he had no desire to have children at all.
When I had my first son, I had a second hand cot, moses basket, etc etc. My parents bought a very modest pram - not the £700 all singing all dancing prams you see nowadays. They wore some hand me down clothes till their teen years, and we made do and mend, or compromise as it may be called.Cars were always third/fourth had, holidays were in cheap static caravans on farms, but looking back they have happy memories of these times.
People now have the massive mortgages, no extended family close by to provide childcare and a lot of people seemed a bit scared of giving up the 'keeping up with jones' lifestyle. As previously mentioned - you pay your money you take your choice.
Just my pennyworth

chivers1977

lynzpower wrote: »

Hi Chivers

Wow, that really shocked me, you are both out for 12 hours a day, is that right?

I'll be honest, I didint know whether "we - ie I" I was putting off having children because of these sort of issues. About 12ms ago I asked a question on here, and people said- as they do here now- you just cope by cutting back. I know you have been moneysaving longer than me I have always been worried about the long hours we work, as it is we feel guilty for leaving the dog alone for 6 hours, makes us really sad we cant spend more time with her. And thats us living in Zone 1- im only 20mins away from work on the tube. Having a baby would mean living further out- to be able to afford it ( Zone 4/5) so less time at home.

Sorry, just thinking out loud and wondering whether my concerns are a) valid- ie we simplty cant afford it or b) im being obstructive.

whoops meant 7.30-6.30. J is in nursery about 7.45 to 5.15. The nursery is open 7.30-6.30. I work 8.30-4.30 to manage to get to nursery without getting stuck in Bluewater/ Dartford crossing traffic which means that sometimes could take 2 hrs to get past if just before Christmas!

I travel on the A2 and it takes me a minimum of 30 mins to drive to work. We have moved out of London altogether to Kent and much prefer it but I moved closer to work. My OH had to find another job, which he hates!

I guess everyone has to decide what is important for them. Lots of people don't have a "need" for a child. I didn't have the "need" and then all of a sudden I desperately wanted to have a child. I don't desperately want a second one and I do think that for me, in the position that we are in, that we can't just think that "it might be nice".....

The other problem I can see that you have is the tied accommodation. does that mean that it is rent-free as well. I would not choose to have a child in Zone 1 having been a londoner until I was 29. I would prefer that I lived in the outskirts and not in inner London for def. I lived in Croydon & Streatham and wouldn't go back esp with a little boy now.

Glamazon

I would say that the people taking out much bigger mortgages where they can only just afford the repayments are the 'can't afford the baby generation'. I certainly felt like this last year however, have decided if we don't do it now we never will.

I think it will be manageable - with child benefits and tax credits helping. I will try to work 5 days in 4 and reduce down to 35 hours, this should still be OK. In my first month of saving I've managed £500 and that's just by cutting out buying carp! Hopefully another 7 months to save.

Also, we will be buying most of our baby stuff 2nd hand - a huge saving!

Baby due in September so we'll see if it can be done - I think people live to their means so if a baby comes along they would just need to cut back on the luxuries like Sky etc.

AnnieM_3

Thank you to ikennett - that is a very good point!

As a 'late' ttc-er who is now experiencing fertility issues I would like to express hurt and anger towards anyone who might be inclined to think DH and I have been greedy, self-centered and/or selfish because we have waited until we could afford to support a child ourselves. We were trying to be responsible, and not have to rely on benefits.

DH and I happen to be of the 'If you can't afford to feed 'em...' opinion on the matter. Sorry if that offends anyone on here - it's not meant to - it's just a personal belief.

Sure, my infertility could be heightened due to me being not in my 'prime' for reproducing, but I say anyone who wants to judge me for waiting can basically go and get knotted, as they have no idea of my circumstances! :eek:

To the OP: maybe you should tell your friend you're hurt by her remarks. Regardless of her circumstances re affording kids she has no right to make sniping comments.

AnnieM_3

Jane2112 wrote: »

Is is difficult nowadys. I had my two in my 20's, when I had a small terraced house mortgaged on just my salary!! I met my current partner when I was 33 and he was open that he had no desire to have children at all.
When I had my first son, I had a second hand cot, moses basket, etc etc. My parents bought a very modest pram - not the £700 all singing all dancing prams you see nowadays. They wore some hand me down clothes till their teen years, and we made do and mend, or compromise as it may be called.Cars were always third/fourth had, holidays were in cheap static caravans on farms, but looking back they have happy memories of these times.
People now have the massive mortgages, no extended family close by to provide childcare and a lot of people seemed a bit scared of giving up the 'keeping up with jones' lifestyle. As previously mentioned - you pay your money you take your choice.
Just my pennyworth

The problem is that it is nigh on impossible to afford a mortgage on one salary. If you were looking to get on the property ladder as a 20-something today you would find the market a very bleak and scary place - where we live a 2 bed mid terrace will now set you back over £100k - and property is cheap here! Unfortunately that 'pennyworth' you mentioned doesn't buy as much today as it used to...

We were lucky in that we were able to get on the ladder before the prices went completely through the roof, but it's still galling to know how little our older relatives pay out on their mortgages for big, posh houses when we pay so much for something half the size!

I agree that some people are perhaps reluctant to compromise their lifestyle to have a child - maybe saying they can't afford it is easier and less likely to provoke an emotional response than saying 'We don't want kids'. Not everyone is making excuses though...

AnnieM x

squirrelchops

Just a thought but I think some people do spend too mcuh on their children when they are growing up. yes some things are necessary but other things aren't and this makes a huge difference to what you can afford. (pretty basic concept i know-sorry).

It's like a friend of mine, singel Mum BUT had to buy her baby Nike trainers whilst it was still a baby and not walking or anything at some ridiculous price because she wanted him to look in fashion. Things like that I stuggle to get my head round.

anguk

iKennett wrote: »

Lucky you, 20 years ago you would have bought a house for a small fraction of what one costs now. As a first time buyer my 2 bed mid link (Yes, thats 2 bed, and not a detached house) cost me £115,000 2 years ago. Hardly any first time buyers can afford the deposit for a small house (my friend was told she needs 25%), let alone being accepted for the mortgage itself. The easy times of 10times your salary are well and truly over, dear.

Oh yes, and my mortgage costs me £600 per month spread over 35 years for the "luxury" of owning the most basic of homes. Some people simply cannot afford to go having kids to go back to work to foot the bill for childcare. Personally if I had a child I wouldn't want a childminder, I'd want to look after it myself and so i would have to give up work. I don't think you appreciate how difficult it could be in "this day and age"

I wasn't that lucky , even with houses being so much cheaper back then we still couldn't afford a mortgage and we've never been able to afford one since, I'm in my 40's and still living in rented accomodation.

For us it was a simple choice of no children, both of us working full-time and buying a house or having children, me staying at home to look after them and not buying a house. We wanted children so choose the latter. I guess it all comes down to personal choices I was willing to do without owning my own home and other luxuries some people aren't.

And I do appreciate how hard it is for young people starting out in "this day and age", I have a 22 year old son who is living in London. He has a good job with a decent wage yet still he can only afford to flatshare, I think he'll be about 50 before he has saved up enough deposit for a small house!

Bitsy_Beans

I think the problem with the whole "can't afford to have kids" is its such a wide ranging statement. there are people like the friends in the OP who are probably holding themselves back because they don't want to have to change their lifestyle. There are others who really can't afford it because of low earnings etc. It's never a black and white suitation and therefore people get offended either way.
I do think we live in a culture where it is the norm to buy brand new all the time. I think perhaps trying second hand is the way to go sometimes (and trust me with my second baby it's definately hand me downs ). As a society the onus isn't on make do and mend and it could probably do with changing to that.
When all said and done though there are some people that genuinely can't afford it and there are others that just can't make the compromise.

SandC

It doesn't help when you keep hearing figures bandied about such as 'it costs £100k to raise a child until age 21'. It must make people a tad worried. There is a thread elsewhere on here somewhere saying something like a baby costs £17k before it's even born (though I haven't read it).

I am not sure where these figures come in but they seem to put a lot of spends on paid childcare, I do wonder if they also factor in things that the parent would be paying for anyway such as heating and housing - I dunno.