My Soa Not Pretty Reading!

TMoose

Pay something off. It'll be the best value in the long run...

TotallyBroke

Personally I would sit down with your OH.
Tell her you have £200 because you have sold your laptop.
Then give her choices,
1. We can go to the wedding that is coming up, but if she chooses this option she will not be having a new outfit.
2. She can go to the Hen weekend in Newcastle, but if she chooses this option you as a family will not be going to the wedding. It is one or the other.
3. You go to the 2nd wedding, again with no new outfit.
If she chooses to do any of the 3 options then this consequence applies.
4. You will take over all the finances of the household and no more frivoulous spending will occur by either of you.

I think you deserve a bit of a break too, otherwise you will explode.
If you can take over the finances from your wife and even do the meal planning etc for the shopping you will save some money.

System

Well as predicted, in yesterday arrived the quarterly BT phone bill at £120, and the quarterly electric bill at £180:mad: Which is scandalous, its usually around £110 but NIE put there prices up by 40% which is being reflected in this bill. Grrr

Add to that after a wee bit of snooping around the house I have come across 3!!! New dresses in boxes hidden behind the wardrobe from a catalogue company after me putting my foot down. And also hidden in a cupboard a wedding acceptance card:mad:

I really think I have to be drastic here, If that wedding acceptance card goes anywhere me and the kids will go to my parents for a few days unannounced and hopefully that will hit home abit, I really can't see what else to do. Talking is pointless.

longhill

hi just had a quick read though and havn't read all so sorry if i have missed it but you said your wife works 16hours a week and brings home 320 a month this can't be right i work 16 hour and am on min wage and bring home 370 every 4 weeks unless she is not 22 yet

Treacle1983

nirelandguy wrote: »

Income:
My pay £800
Partners pay: £320
Child Benefit £130
Tax Credits £336
Total = £1586

Outgoings
Rent £480
Shopping £240 - try internet shopping and meal planning, should save at least £40
Oil £60
Diesel £120
Tax Credit Overpayment £60
TV Lisence £12
Broadband £15
Phone £15
TV £10
Electric £40
Payplan £70
Car payment £130 - hmm - perhaps it is time to get rid/trade in for a 2nd hand runabout approx £400/500
House Insurance £12
Mobiles £30 - do you need these? try to get by with just the cheapest tariff or payg and aim for £5 per phone per month
Car Insurance £25
Childcare £260 - if you are getting benefits - you could be entitled to government help with these costs - look into it
Dentist £12 - if on some benefits - could be free
Prescriptions £10 - again as above
Road Tax £15 - on newer economic cars such as susuki alto's etc.. the road tax is £35 a year!!, if you have a car on finance anyway, try doing a trade in to save on running costs.
Total £1616

I also have a £200 credit card from capital one which haven't been able to pay, and partner has £400 over draft which she pays which costs her £30 a month.
Not included in that is the likes of Christmas which is a case of taking from Peter to pay Paul and then Paul is far from happy, We have had to put all the kids toys on a Catalogue which we can't really pay without annoying something else.
Anytime I do have money in my pocket its because I'm not paying something, I feel so embarrased that I can't even use a vending machine at work, or on Friday the rest of the guys get a take out for lunch, I have never been able to do that.

Any advice much appreciated, as I say we only have about £5K debt which Payplan has all reduced, they won't take anyless than £70 a month, its the cost of living thats our issue I think, Bankruptcy wouldn't make much difference to be fair.

You could also be entitled to things like housing benefit, council tax relief etc...

For immediate action I would look at:
Getting rid of the internet/broadband and mobile phones for a while (or going on payg)
Reducing the food shopping - try shopping online, money off codes are on this very site.
Don't celebrate adult birthdays, valentines, anniversays etc.. just for the kids and xmas - you will soon save.
You have a hefty car payment, insurance, road tax and running costs etc... perhaps think of getting either a cheap little run around for about £500 or getting finance on a newer car which would be cheaper for tax, insurance and wouldn't need servicing or mot'ing for a while and most repairs covered under warranty - I am getting a suzuki alto costing £3400, 4 years old, 17,000 miles. On finance for 4 years costing £100 a month. Only group 3 insurance and £35 a year road tax. fully warranteed for 2 years.

TotallyBroke

nirelandguy wrote: »

Well as predicted, in yesterday arrived the quarterly BT phone bill at £120, and the quarterly electric bill at £180:mad: Which is scandalous, its usually around £110 but NIE put there prices up by 40% which is being reflected in this bill. Grrr

Add to that after a wee bit of snooping around the house I have come across 3!!! New dresses in boxes hidden behind the wardrobe from a catalogue company after me putting my foot down. And also hidden in a cupboard a wedding acceptance card:mad:

I really think I have to be drastic here, If that wedding acceptance card goes anywhere me and the kids will go to my parents for a few days unannounced and hopefully that will hit home abit, I really can't see what else to do. Talking is pointless.

I'm so sorry she is still doing this to you.

You really need to sit her down and ask her how she is going to pay for all of this.
Go through the phone bill and mark your calls, household calls and her calls. Then ask her to pay you the money so the bill can be paid.
Go through all your bills and write them down in three columns.
1st YOUR bills ~ these are things that you would solely pay for and solely use eg. Your mobile phone
2nd HER bills ~ again things that she solely uses and pays for eg. Her phone and catalogues.
3rd JOINT bills ~ Things like Rent, food, car expenses, utilities etc.

Then total them up divide the joint bills by 2 giving you both your half of the contribution.

Then do your wage minus your half of the joint bills, minus your own personal spends. Do the same for her.

With things like child benefit and tax credits etc. Add them up and divide by 2 add each half to your income section.
Hopefully this will show you both how you contribute to the household and what needs to be done.
If she wants the weddings and the social life etc, then she needs to get a full time better paying job and once all the debts are cleared she can have it.

I think you also need some relationship counselling, try relate or somewhere and see if talking to an independant person can get you openly talking about the money problems. Do this before they fester and turn into hatred or a relationship split that affects you all. I'm pming you as well.

System

TotallyBroke wrote: »

I'm so sorry she is still doing this to you.

You really need to sit her down and ask her how she is going to pay for all of this.
Go through the phone bill and mark your calls, household calls and her calls. Then ask her to pay you the money so the bill can be paid.
Go through all your bills and write them down in three columns.
1st YOUR bills ~ these are things that you would solely pay for and solely use eg. Your mobile phone
2nd HER bills ~ again things that she solely uses and pays for eg. Her phone and catalogues.
3rd JOINT bills ~ Things like Rent, food, car expenses, utilities etc.

Then total them up divide the joint bills by 2 giving you both your half of the contribution.

Then do your wage minus your half of the joint bills, minus your own personal spends. Do the same for her.

With things like child benefit and tax credits etc. Add them up and divide by 2 add each half to your income section.
Hopefully this will show you both how you contribute to the household and what needs to be done.
If she wants the weddings and the social life etc, then she needs to get a full time better paying job and once all the debts are cleared she can have it.

I think you also need some relationship counselling, try relate or somewhere and see if talking to an independant person can get you openly talking about the money problems. Do this before they fester and turn into hatred or a relationship split that affects you all. I'm pming you as well.

Replied to PM thanks:D

Bit of an update, the first wedding is on Sat and as yet we have still agreed to disagree, we where supposed to let them know last week if we where going, we couldn't agree so we still don't know if we are going or not. She is adamant we are going, I am adamant we are not. As I mentioned we have these phone and elecy bills due which don't seem to matter. I am off next week so get a weeks holiday as well this weekend, with being of next week. I have worked all my pay out to a T and have £20 left, now call me a miserable sod, but I'd like to use that £20 to take the kids out for a day, not give to someone who earns 4-5 times more than me at there wedding, and on the grand scheme of things my £20 wouldn't be appreciated anyway where as it means the world to me, god does that sound bad:o

RAS

That sounds really good. If you can get a special deal on the day out and do it for £15, then do. I think this is so much more imortant than the wedding.

System

RAS wrote: »

That sounds really good. If you can get a special deal on the day out and do it for £15, then do. I think this is so much more imortant than the wedding.

I had planned the Zoo or an Aquarium, And a nice fish and chips on the way home:D Well I thought it was a better idea,

RAS

You are parents and it is your responsibility to think of them first. Some sort of treat is vital for kids occasionally as they need the stimulus of being in a different environment. My mum used to dump us in the Science Museum sometimes (free) and we had great time, other times she went round with us. I still love doughnuts because we used to have them as a treat afterwards.

If you have lads, it is even more important that they have some good times with you.