My Soa Not Pretty Reading!

System

Fire_Fox wrote: »

Your pride at going to these weddings and keeping up appearances is exactly what is stopping you from having that holiday you desperately need. There is only so much money in the kitty, so you have to prioritise where it goes or you will be in this same pickle for many months or even years to come. :eek:

It sounds to me that just one wedding is going to cost hundreds of pounds (gift, meal, new clothes, travel etc.) - for just one day that you won't probably enjoy that much! If it's a very close family member or best friend then you mustn't miss out - otherwise say you have a prior engagement or you can't afford it or whatever.

Is it ok to miss one? And not even give a gift? The people in question, 1 of them earns more than me and the missus put together, They earn about £40K per year, we have about £15K

icecube2009

nirelandguy wrote: »

Child minders generally have a contract which this one does, doesn't matter if the child doesn't go the child minder will still need the same money.

Problem I have always had when posting my SOA on here is, with me its usually a last resort, I;ve already done all the obvious I,E reducing food bills etc

but a contract can be changed with notice, or maybe just ask she might be happy to help you, I was a childminder for 14 years and always happy to help juggle hours when i could

TotallyBroke

Yes of course it is ok to miss one and not buy a gift. You are there to celebrate their marriage not flash the cash.
The only thing the wedding should need to cost you is the travel there and back. There usually is water and wine on th etable for the meal. You do not have to drink the bar dry in the evening. You will probably already have clothes in the wardrobe so won't need a new outfit.
As I suggested earlier, you can make an inexpensive gift look expensive yourselves.

I also think that getting rid of the laptop is a good idea. You can usually pick up old computers on freecycle.

System

TotallyBroke wrote: »

Yes of course it is ok to miss one and not buy a gift. You are there to celebrate their marriage not flash the cash.
The only thing the wedding should need to cost you is the travel there and back. There usually is water and wine on th etable for the meal. You do not have to drink the bar dry in the evening. You will probably already have clothes in the wardrobe so won't need a new outfit.
As I suggested earlier, you can make an inexpensive gift look expensive yourselves.

I also think that getting rid of the laptop is a good idea. You can usually pick up old computers on freecycle.

Yeah but as I said earlier, I'd rather do it right or not at all. Its just so bloody hard to know what to do, We can't afford it, I mean I've not been able to buy any shopping this week as I had to pay a dentist, so out cupboards are sitting almost bear and then you have the missus saying "Aw we need to go" doesn't careless where the money comes out off. Grrrr I'm just bloody fed up with it all to be honest, no matter what I do it won't be right.

As for the laptop, the idea was to sell it and use the funds to pay of the broadband and telephone contract, I wouldn't be after an old computer, but it would be hard to do, I've been on the net since 1998:eek:

RAS

Nig

I think you need to sit the missu down and explain that you are not going, cannot afford to go and that if she had any bleeding sense and had not bought all sorts of tat over the years, you would not be paying off all thse debts.

Time for a bit of tough love, as they say.

By the way - I am female.

Forris

Yep, what RAS just said! Your wife needs to be 100% with you on this, or this scenario will come up time after time. I agree that you need to be tough about this, but also maybe she needs to understand what the end product will look like. Something along the lines of, 'Just think how much better off we would be when we clear all of our debt.'

PS - RAS, thanks for clearing up the gender. I had been wondering about that. (Not in any odd way, you understand!!)

TotallyBroke

nirelandguy wrote: »

TotallyBroke wrote: »

Yes of course it is ok to miss one and not buy a gift. You are there to celebrate their marriage not flash the cash.
The only thing the wedding should need to cost you is the travel there and back. There usually is water and wine on th etable for the meal. You do not have to drink the bar dry in the evening. You will probably already have clothes in the wardrobe so won't need a new outfit.
As I suggested earlier, you can make an inexpensive gift look expensive yourselves.
I also think that getting rid of the laptop is a good idea. You can usually pick up old computers on freecycle.

Yeah but as I said earlier, I'd rather do it right or not at all. Its just so bloody hard to know what to do, We can't afford it, I mean I've not been able to buy any shopping this week as I had to pay a dentist, so out cupboards are sitting almost bear and then you have the missus saying "Aw we need to go" doesn't careless where the money comes out off. Grrrr I'm just bloody fed up with it all to be honest, no matter what I do it won't be right.

As for the laptop, the idea was to sell it and use the funds to pay of the broadband and telephone contract, I wouldn't be after an old computer, but it would be hard to do, I've been on the net since 1998:eek:

But what is right and what is wrong?
Just because you have always paid over the odds at weddings does not make it right to do so.
I think you and your wife need to both change your mindsets before reality and bankruptcy do it for you.
You can not afford to go to this wedding the way you want to. You have two options, you can say NO and not go. Or you can agree to go but work out the cheapest way to do so and work out where you can cut back in order to do so.
Why cancel the broadband and phone when you can just reduce it to a managable level?


Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet
Monthly Income Details
Monthly income after tax................ 800
Partners monthly income after tax....... 320
Benefits................................ 466
Other income............................ 0
Total monthly income.................... 1586
Monthly Expense Details
Mortgage................................ 0
Secured loan repayments................. 0
Hire Purchase (HP) repayments........... 150
Rent.................................... 480
Management charge (leasehold property).. 0
Council tax............................. 0
Electricity............................. 40
Gas..................................... 0
Oil..................................... 40
Water rates............................. 0
Telephone (land line)................... 30 Look into just paying for a basic landline with an internet bundle. You can get phone and broadband with BT for just £11.25pm
Mobile phone............................ 30
TV Licence.............................. 12
Satellite/Cable TV...................... 10
Internet Services....................... 15 Do as suggested above and this will be gone
Groceries etc. ......................... 240 Meal plan to reduce this slightly even by £50pm
Clothing................................ 10 Halve this and put it away each month into a seperate account until needed
Petrol/diesel........................... 120
Road tax................................ 15
Car Insurance........................... 22
Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 30
Car parking............................. 30
Other travel............................ 0
Childcare/nursery....................... 260
Other child related expenses............ 0
Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 25 Put this away each month into a seperate account until needed.
Pet insurance/vet bills................. 0
Buildings insurance..................... 0
Contents insurance...................... 12
Life assurance ......................... 0
Other insurance......................... 0
Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 20 Put this into a seperate account until needed
Haircuts................................ 10 Has to stop for the time being
Entertainment........................... 30 If you save this in a seperate account each month you will have this saved for the weddings
Holiday................................. 0
Emergency fund.......................... 20 Put this into a seperate account and again it will be there when needed.
Total monthly expenses.................. 1651
You can make a saving of atleast £90 per month. Put this and the other things like entertainment, emergency fund and you will have saved in a seperate account each month £160
Assets
Tv and Laptop.................................... 300
House value (Gross)..................... 0
Shares and bonds........................ 0
Car(s).................................. 0?
Other assets, anything that can be sold............................ 50
Total Assets............................ 350
Secured & HP Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly.. .APR
Mortgage...................... 0........(0)........0
Hire Purchase (HP) debt ...... 0........(150)......0 How much is this for and what is the interest rate? What is it secured on as you have no mortgage?
Total secured & HP debts...... 0.........-.........-
Unsecured Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly.. .APR
PAYPLAN........................5000......70....... .0
TAX CREDIT OVER PAYME..........2000......60........0
OVERDRAFT......................400.......15....... .0 Is this charges or an arrangement to pay off the overdraft.
CATALOGUES.....................550.......30....... .0
CREDIT CARDS...................800.......40........0
Total unsecured debts..........8750......215.......-

Monthly Budget Summary
Total monthly income.................... 1,586
Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 1,651
Available for debt repayments........... -65 By saving atleast the £90 I have shown will give you a surplus of £25
Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 215
Amount short for making debt repayments. -280
Personal Balance Sheet Summary
Total assets (things you own)........... 0
Total HP & Secured debt................. -0
Total Unsecured debt.................... -8,750
Net Assets.............................. -8,750
Created using the SOA calculator at https://www.makesenseofcards.com.
Reproduced on Moneysavingexpert with permission.

My suggestions are in blue and with a surplus of £25 each month to pay off the catalogue, it shouldn't take too long. Sell the tv and the laptop and you could use some of that money towards this wedding. But no new outfits and no expensive presents. The rest can be either put into savings for the next wedding along with all your other money that I have suggested you move to another account. Or it can be used to pay something off the catalogue.
Do you have credit unions in your area. That would be an ideal solution for you. All the money that you put away to save each month until needed can be paid in there and you maybe able to get a loan from them to pay off the catalogue and credit cards. But only do 1 at a time.

System

TotallyBroke wrote: »

But what is right and what is wrong?
Just because you have always paid over the odds at weddings does not make it right to do so.
I think you and your wife need to both change your mindsets before reality and bankruptcy do it for you.
You can not afford to go to this wedding the way you want to. You have two options, you can say NO and not go. Or you can agree to go but work out the cheapest way to do so and work out where you can cut back in order to do so.
Why cancel the broadband and phone when you can just reduce it to a managable level?


Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet
Monthly Income Details
Monthly income after tax................ 800
Partners monthly income after tax....... 320
Benefits................................ 466
Other income............................ 0
Total monthly income.................... 1586
Monthly Expense Details
Mortgage................................ 0
Secured loan repayments................. 0
Hire Purchase (HP) repayments........... 150
Rent.................................... 480
Management charge (leasehold property).. 0
Council tax............................. 0
Electricity............................. 40
Gas..................................... 0
Oil..................................... 40
Water rates............................. 0
Telephone (land line)................... 30 Look into just paying for a basic landline with an internet bundle. You can get phone and broadband with BT for just £11.25pm
Mobile phone............................ 30
TV Licence.............................. 12
Satellite/Cable TV...................... 10
Internet Services....................... 15 Do as suggested above and this will be gone
Groceries etc. ......................... 240 Meal plan to reduce this slightly even by £50pm
Clothing................................ 10 Halve this and put it away each month into a seperate account until needed
Petrol/diesel........................... 120
Road tax................................ 15
Car Insurance........................... 22
Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 30
Car parking............................. 30
Other travel............................ 0
Childcare/nursery....................... 260
Other child related expenses............ 0
Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 25 Put this away each month into a seperate account until needed.
Pet insurance/vet bills................. 0
Buildings insurance..................... 0
Contents insurance...................... 12
Life assurance ......................... 0
Other insurance......................... 0
Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 20 Put this into a seperate account until needed
Haircuts................................ 10 Has to stop for the time being
Entertainment........................... 30 If you save this in a seperate account each month you will have this saved for the weddings
Holiday................................. 0
Emergency fund.......................... 20 Put this into a seperate account and again it will be there when needed.
Total monthly expenses.................. 1651
You can make a saving of atleast £90 per month. Put this and the other things like entertainment, emergency fund and you will have saved in a seperate account each month £160
Assets
Tv and Laptop.................................... 300
House value (Gross)..................... 0
Shares and bonds........................ 0
Car(s).................................. 0?
Other assets, anything that can be sold............................ 50
Total Assets............................ 350
Secured & HP Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly.. .APR
Mortgage...................... 0........(0)........0
Hire Purchase (HP) debt ...... 0........(150)......0 How much is this for and what is the interest rate? What is it secured on as you have no mortgage?
Total secured & HP debts...... 0.........-.........-
Unsecured Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly.. .APR
PAYPLAN........................5000......70....... .0
TAX CREDIT OVER PAYME..........2000......60........0
OVERDRAFT......................400.......15....... .0 Is this charges or an arrangement to pay off the overdraft.
CATALOGUES.....................550.......30....... .0
CREDIT CARDS...................800.......40........0
Total unsecured debts..........8750......215.......-

Monthly Budget Summary
Total monthly income.................... 1,586
Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 1,651
Available for debt repayments........... -65 By saving atleast the £90 I have shown will give you a surplus of £25
Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 215
Amount short for making debt repayments. -280
Personal Balance Sheet Summary
Total assets (things you own)........... 0
Total HP & Secured debt................. -0
Total Unsecured debt.................... -8,750
Net Assets.............................. -8,750
Created using the SOA calculator at https://www.makesenseofcards.com.
Reproduced on Moneysavingexpert with permission.

My suggestions are in blue and with a surplus of £25 each month to pay off the catalogue, it shouldn't take too long. Sell the tv and the laptop and you could use some of that money towards this wedding. But no new outfits and no expensive presents. The rest can be either put into savings for the next wedding along with all your other money that I have suggested you move to another account. Or it can be used to pay something off the catalogue.
Do you have credit unions in your area. That would be an ideal solution for you. All the money that you put away to save each month until needed can be paid in there and you maybe able to get a loan from them to pay off the catalogue and credit cards. But only do 1 at a time.

Thanks for that, I need to go over it again because as usual tax credits have made a balls up and we have been over paid again, That is every year, I am beginning to think the safest bet would be put the tax credits in a separate account and just leave it there, because they will come back looking it sooner or later. I don't really want to sell the laptop, It cost £250 cheapest bloody one I could find, and took quite a while to save up for it, I've never had a new computer always using old wrecks of things. While yes I want to get out of debt I also want to live, I've been struggling since I left school at 16 I'm 29 now, to be honest there is no end in sight so I want to also enjoy life, well for what I can enjoy with having little to no money.

TotallyBroke

If you do not want to sell it then don't. But as a consequence you cannot spend anything else on a luxury until you have saved for it and not got into any other debt because of it.
Have you received your p60 then to know how much you have both earned for 2008/2009? Until they have been given this I cannot see how an overpayment or under payment can be made. Do your wages change month to month. Ask them to send you statements of all the years you have been claiming Tax credits with a breakdown of the entitlement and then go through it. From July you will be paid an amount dependant on what you both earned from April 08 to April 09. They will then work that out to be a monthly amount and will backdate it to April 1st 09.

I understand totally, I have always been crap with money and I'm 35 tomorrow. Always lived for the second and never planned for the future. Now I have to, it's a matter of having a roof over my head or being on the streets with a child. You can do it you just have to get on board and focus your attention. I've not become a hermit or anything (in fact I've been out on the razz twice this month, previously I'd been out a handful of times in 2 years) I've just learnt to juggle better. If I want to go out tonight and have a drink for the rest of the week there will be no tv on after 10pm. I won't see the benefit until the electricity bill comes in but it is a consequence of my action.
For you it could be only buying own brand foods one week to save that cash. You pick the reward and therefore have to pick a fitting consequence.
I hope that makes sense. For your wife, if she wants to go to the wedding and spend £XX on it, then she has to come up with a consequence to repay that money. It could be no new makeup for 3months, or only £5 mobile phone credit etc. I hope you get what I am trying to say.

Fire_Fox

nirelandguy wrote: »

Yeah but as I said earlier, I'd rather do it right or not at all. Its just so bloody hard to know what to do, We can't afford it, I mean I've not been able to buy any shopping this week as I had to pay a dentist, so out cupboards are sitting almost bear and then you have the missus saying "Aw we need to go" doesn't careless where the money comes out off. Grrrr I'm just bloody fed up with it all to be honest, no matter what I do it won't be right.

Time for the broken record technique. Whatever (and I mean whatever) your wife says about these weddings, you repeat the same sentence, e.g. "we didn't even have enough money to buy food last week/ month. I want a better life for my family."

One of my favourite sayings comes to mind ... Always do what you have always done, always get what you have always got. I don't mean that to be harsh, I see it as positive: there is always something you can change if you aren't happy with how things are. You already know what you want to change (course, business, holiday) so make it happen.