My Soa Not Pretty Reading!

[Deleted User]

Hi nirelandguy

It sounds like there are different "rules or expectations" over in NI for wedding gifts.

I didn't expect anyone to buy me a wedding gift (although everyone did and I was very appreciative - but not money, I find that a little strange).

I would be really embarassed if I invited someone to my wedding and they said they felt they couldn't come because they couldn't afford to buy me a present. We only invited people that we really wanted to share and enjoy our important day - a gift is just a lovely extra, if given.

Surely you have been invited because of your "presence" not "present"? Couldn't you buy them a nice bottle of wine?

System

goochie wrote: »

Hi nirelandguy

It sounds like there are different "rules or expectations" over in NI for wedding gifts.

I didn't expect anyone to buy me a wedding gift (although everyone did and I was very appreciative - but not money, I find that a little strange).

I would be really embarassed if I invited someone to my wedding and they said they felt they couldn't come because they couldn't afford to buy me a present. We only invited people that we really wanted to share and enjoy our important day - a gift is just a lovely extra, if given.

Surely you have been invited because of your "presence" not "present"? Couldn't you buy them a nice bottle of wine?

Its all down to pride with me, I've always followed the rule if you can't do it right don't do it at all. People do talk, turning up with something misserable won't cut the mustard, sure you'll get "Aw thank you" but they will talk. I have seen it happen before with gifts for Weddings, Birthdays, Christmas

sarahs999

Weddings are hugely expensive however you do it.

You can't afford to go.

Also, I don't believe your wife is really down with teh cutting back idea, or she wouldn't be buying new clothes on a catalogue. Have you really sat down and gone through a plan to tackle this? My DH is traditioanlly hopeless with money but I've gradually got through to him to the point where he now picks up the bargains when food shopping and stops me getting the posher stuff! You need to work together or it will be an uphill struggle all teh way.

[Deleted User]

nirelandguy wrote: »

Its all down to pride with me, I've always followed the rule if you can't do it right don't do it at all. People do talk, turning up with something misserable won't cut the mustard, sure you'll get "Aw thank you" but they will talk. I have seen it happen before with gifts for Weddings, Birthdays, Christmas

I can understand that nirelandguy. Although I think it's very sad that people judge others on the "size" of the present. Then it seems that your only option is not to go, as you really can't afford it. :mad:

RAS

Part of my reason for suggesting not going is that it may be one way of NIG getting his missus to start to engage with the fact that they cannot afford what she wants to have.

They really are stuck in the benefits trap but she could be doing stuff on-line which pulled in maybe £30 a month so that they could save up for this sort of event. Reaching for the catalogue suggests she has not got it yet.

System

RAS wrote: »

Part of my reason for suggesting not going is that it may be one way of NIG getting his missus to start to engage with the fact that they cannot afford what she wants to have.

They really are stuck in the benefits trap but she could be doing stuff on-line which pulled in maybe £30 a month so that they could save up for this sort of event. Reaching for the catalogue suggests she has not got it yet.

And we have another 2 wedding this year, However she is doing some extra hours and putting the money into a savings account, this wedding came unannounced so had no time to prepare.

And yes you are right, I think it will make my missus think, I can't get through to her, Although I do understand where she is coming from, all our relatives etc have at least 1 good wage earner, we are both poor earners, so she see's her brothers/relatives etc going here there or where ever, and buying what ever they want and she assumes she should be able to aswell even if that means getting into debt. I thought like that to for a long time until the penny dropped.

Burlesque_Babe

nirelandguy wrote: »

Its all down to pride with me, I've always followed the rule if you can't do it right don't do it at all.

doing it 'right' doesn't have to mean 'doing it expensive'

nirelandguy wrote:

People do talk, turning up with something misserable won't cut the mustard, sure you'll get "Aw thank you" but they will talk. I have seen it happen before with gifts for Weddings, Birthdays, Christmas

so what? if they are valued friends etc they will be grateful for whatever you give. To be honest, in 6 months time they probably won't even remember who gave what. If they 'talk' ignore it - their problem, not yours.

If you pop over to the Celebrations board, there will be lots of ideas on inexpensive, creative and thoughtful gifts for a fraction of the cost.

Bit of positive thinking here needed

System

Ok right I had a brainwave today, tell me what you think?

At christmas I sold a load of old junk that was lying around the house on ebay, I used the money I made to buy a new laptop. What if I sold the laptop on ebay and used the money to pay of the rest of my broadband contract and whatever is left on the landline contract and do away with both?

Its a bit drastic I know, and to be honest I'm not sure as the internet is my only hobby in life but it would help quite a bit.

What do you's think?


Also, remember I mentioned the wedding? Well got called today about the stag night, They don't drink so are organising paintballing, it costs £50!!!! What do I do there? I can't afford £50 then say another £75-£100 for the present, to be honest I can't afford any of it, What do I do?

RAS

Just speak to the guy, tell him you would love to join in but with the credit crunch you are totally skint.

You will not the the only one. Make it sound like this is a new situation.

Fire_Fox

Your pride at going to these weddings and keeping up appearances is exactly what is stopping you from having that holiday you desperately need. There is only so much money in the kitty, so you have to prioritise where it goes or you will be in this same pickle for many months or even years to come. :eek:

It sounds to me that just one wedding is going to cost hundreds of pounds (gift, meal, new clothes, travel etc.) - for just one day that you won't probably enjoy that much! If it's a very close family member or best friend then you mustn't miss out - otherwise say you have a prior engagement or you can't afford it or whatever.