Coping with broodiness?

Pauper_Princess

Thanks for all your replies again, it means a lot.

kingfisher, yes we've had that time and again too, me telling him to leave me, and he hasn't yet, despite everything.

We were considering adopting up until last year when SIL dropped her bombshell on us and ever since we've been back at square one. I don't want to adopt, I want my husband to look at our son or daughter and know that we created this person, but that will never happen. But we may come back to the adoption route yet. Just at the moment it's too sore.

Loopylinz, thank you and to everyone else.

PP x

Spendless

Pauper_Princess wrote: »

Apologies if there's already a thread for this, if there is can someone point me in the right direction please!

Me and OH are unable to have children and at the moment I'm so broody I'm struggling to get through the day to be quite frank.

I know this isn't a feeling exclusive to those without children because I've read posts on here before about people with 2 or 3 already but longing for another that they can't have.

Does anyone have any ideas on coping with it? I'm really at the end of my tether and I'm sick of walking around crying every time I see a baby or a pram... I feel like Im going out of my mind.


Mods - if you want to move this to the Arms please, please can you leave it here for a little bit first? Thank you.

I don't know how helpful this is going to be but I have 2 children and went thru a few weeks of broodiness for a third before the feeling totally went (and has never come back).

I know exactly what caused it. I have a boy and a girl and I had some sort of idea in my head that people only went in for a third if they had the same sex children or it was an accident or different relationship. 3 different women with same circs as me, same partner, boy and girl all told me that they were pregnant with their planned third. If I'm totally honest I felt a bit 'envious'. I don't know why cos prior to this I had never any 'desire' for a third child. Hubby said he'd go along with whatever I wanted bt a dream holiday planned for years and already booked for 9 months time meant we weren't in the position to go ahead and by the time I was I no longer wanted it.

What made it go I don't know but I just think it was people being pregnant that had made these feelings happen in the first place.

I know it's not totally the same as I do have children but in my case intense feelings did pass.

Girlzmum

I know that recently I have been incredibly broody but we can't have any more atm (health, finances and I'm in final year of my degree) My brother has a 6 month old and was home from Oz for a month over Christmas, unfortunately they all took ill so I offered to look after him. 2 1/2 hours of solid crying and all broodiness is gone!

Bettyboop

I couldn't just read this and not reply. I can't imagine how you must feel but I just want to say that I thought I could not have children at one point because it took forever to get pregnant. The anxiety of it all and seeing other babies is so, so heart wrenching. I really wanted to say that I'm thinking of you and I hope that someday you will be a mum.

I worked with a lady once who was in your situation and to compensate for it she used to take exotic holidays but it never filled the gap missing in her married life well that's what she told me anyway. In the end her and her husband adopted a baby girl only a month or so old and they could not be happier. All the best.

Pauper_Princess

Spendless - the feelings do come and go usually but since seeing SIL pregnant and now with her son it's just been constant. Just over a year now of feeling like I'm going absolutely mad.

Girlzmum - believe me I would put up with screaming twenty-four hours solid if it was our child screaming at me, I really would. Yes probably a bit blase to say such a thing but that's how I feel. SIL's baby is (typical) a good baby and doesn't even cry properly when he does cry, just a half-hearted effort before he decides it's not worth the effort :rolleyes:

Bettyboop thank you for your reply. As I say we might visit adoption again in the future but right now the absolute ache for my own child is damned near impossible to live with.

kingfisher1961

I can understand your feelings about adoption, maybe in time it is something to consider. They will want to be sure you have come to terms with your infertility though. I remember our social worker asked what contraception we were using - I replied "nothing and I haven't used any for the last fifteen years or so either" That was when we were being placed with our first son and they wanted to know I wasn't going to get pregnant all of a sudden.

Just take your time, look after yourselves, cry when you want to and get all the support you can.

xxx

Glen0000

Pauper_Princess wrote: »

Thanks for all your replies

jiblets - thanks for the link - without going into my very long-winded medical history there is no biological way whatsoever for me to have a child. The only way my husband will ever father a child would be if we used a surrogate.

kingfisher - thanks for your message - yes, OH knows exactly how I feel as he feels the same, thank God, although he admits it's not as bad for him cos it's not the biological thingy. We had a "cry" session last night for about an hour, went to bed feeling a tad better but just as bad again today (doesn't help that there's 2 girls pregnant at work either".

The worst thing is it's not the "awww, a baby in a pram" thing. OH' sister had her baby 5 months ago and yes, I see first hand how hard it is and how exhausting but I also see how much closer her and her OH are, and how proud he is every time he looks at his son, and I know my OH will never, ever look that way, with me at least, and it absolutely tears me apart.

That is really sad. Has your OH said this out loud? I could not imagine NOT being proud of my wife, child or no child.

To be honest a child forced us apart and did not bring us closer. Many couples fall apart when children come along. Your sisters baby is only 5 months and still very much in the idyllic stage. I would urge you to talk to other parents. It certainly isn't a bed of roses and your sister’s experience has only just begun and she has not done any “real” parenting yet.

Pauper_Princess

Glen0000 wrote: »

That is really sad. Has your OH said this out loud? I could not imagine NOT being proud of my wife, child or no child.

To be honest a child forced us apart and did not bring us closer. Many couples fall apart when children come along. Your sisters baby is only 5 months and still very much in the idyllic stage. I would urge you to talk to other parents. It certainly isn't a bed of roses and your sister’s experience has only just begun and she has not done any “real” parenting yet.

OH has never said that, no, and he never would. Every time we see his sister he tells me how proud he is of me for dealing with it, though it's getting harder and harder every time.

And I do hear what you say about the idyllic stage, and that her experience has only just begun. It's still an experience I'll never have.

We don't know a lot of other parents that we could talk to like this unfortunately as my complete inability to cope has driven most of our "childed" friends away over the years. Our closest friends now don't have children but don't want them and are happy with their situation. I know plenty of people at work with kids but I wouldn't dream of telling them about my situation, for it would only make them feel awkward.

I know kids aren't a bed of roses, I tell myself that every time I walk round Morrisons and see some poor harrassed mother with a screaming child. But it's like anything you want and can't have, you only see the good side if you know what I mean.

Glen0000

Pauper_Princess wrote: »

OH has never said that, no, and he never would. Every time we see his sister he tells me how proud he is of me for dealing with it, though it's getting harder and harder every time.

And I do hear what you say about the idyllic stage, and that her experience has only just begun. It's still an experience I'll never have.

We don't know a lot of other parents that we could talk to like this unfortunately as my complete inability to cope has driven most of our "childed" friends away over the years. Our closest friends now don't have children but don't want them and are happy with their situation. I know plenty of people at work with kids but I wouldn't dream of telling them about my situation, for it would only make them feel awkward.

I know kids aren't a bed of roses, I tell myself that every time I walk round Morrisons and see some poor harrassed mother with a screaming child. But it's like anything you want and can't have, you only see the good side if you know what I mean.

Maybe you could ask them why and it would give you the other side? There are so many positives to not having kids and I certainly hope my daughetr thinks twice before having them (especially as she is a woman and I have seen what having kids does to a womans career). There is a VERY dark side to parenting that no one ever talks about. Just be aware of that. Parenting has brought me great joy, but also deep despair and I am not alone in that.

Pauper_Princess

Glen0000 wrote: »

Maybe you could ask them why and it would give you the other side? There are so many positives to not having kids and I certainly hope my daughetr thinks twice before having them (especially as she is a woman and I have seen what having kids does to a womans career). There is a VERY dark side to parenting that no one ever talks about. Just be aware of that. Parenting has brought me great joy, but also deep despair and I am not alone in that.

Glen, sorry to ask, but what do you mean? Pm me if you want (or tell me to sod off, it's okay).

From an outsider's point of view I'm never going to see all the bad points of raising a family I know. I see other people worrying over their children certainly, is this what you mean?

And the career, oh yes. I've built a brilliant career these past 10 years as a way of distracting myself, but I'd trade it all to just relive those years in my late teens when I still had a tiny bit of hope. Sounds pathetic but it's true.

Oh and our childless friends - well, it just works for them. She's not a career girl, far from it, has just never felt maternal and in fact absolutely detests children, and he's too involved in his bikes and stuff to worry about anything like that. I wish I could be like her.