Depression Support Thread

Tiff_2

Hi guys!
Sorry I'm having to post and run, especially when I see that our sp and rbk are struggling so much tonight.
The main thing I want to say to you both is please don't damage yourselves any further, either mentally or physically. Your priority now is to keep yourselves safe in both of these respects. I know it's easier said than done and I honestly don't mean to sound condescending my lovelies, but if you can take the heat and focus away now from what's hurting you, there'll be peaceful minds at least for tonight. It's a bit like first aid, if you will.

Grab a duvet, a hot drink (it's amazing what it can do for you!), as much chocolate as you can find, snuggle up and put the TV on something cheerful - an old comedy film, cartoons - maybe grab a crossword or puzzle book - anything that can help to distract you. If you can distract your mind, you will slowly come down from any anxiety and away from your thoughts and will be a little more relaxed. Now this is going to sound daft, but I remember one occasion where I snuggled up on the couch and I started just counting sheep! But it worked because you can't be tense and relaxed all at the same time - it's not physically possible.

This is probably the best thing I can suggest right now angels. If you need to please don't hesitate to call any of the professionals - glad has links on the first page. You need to let everything go for tonight because you've suffered enough! There probably isn't anything more you can do tonight to resolve the problems, so put them to bed. Please tend to any wounds, rbk sweetheart. I really wish I could stay longer and post properly - God knows how this will read. You are too precious to lose, so please keep yourselves safe and we'll get through the coming days together.
Here are a couple of quotes I turn to when it hurts...

I am not alone at all, I thought. I was never alone at all..........We are never alone. Not when the night is darkest, the wind coldest, the word seemingly most indifferent. For this is still the time God chooses.
- Taylor Caldwell

No matter how dark the night, somehow the sun rises once again and all shadows are chased away.

- David Matthew

You don't love a woman because she is beautiful, but she is beautiful because you love her.
- Unknown

Please - be kind to yourselves guys.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

La-Cara

hi all, I'm also feeling really crap today, I hate Valentines Day, just makes me feel so unloved and lonely
have hardly eaten this last few days, just haven't felt like it, managed to have dinner tonight though.
just wish someone would love me, is that really so much to ask for? don't even have any friends I can talk to properly. life sucks

Crap_with_money.com

Hey all,

Sorry to barge in, I'm not even sure I'm in the right place. I've just had a few issues recently, and I've kinda been wondering, how do you know when feeling sad all the time, has actually become depression?

I don't suppose it even really matters that much what label you put on it, I've just been worried recently that I'm bordering on being depressed, and the idea of it scares me.

My dad passed away last year, it was the 22nd of Jan so it's been just over a year now, and although I'd started to feel a bit better about everything, the last few weeks I feel worse than ever!

I'm just so sad all the time, and constantly on the verge of tears. On the surface, I actually have a pretty decent life, But I just don't ever seem to feel happy any more.

I'm sorry - I won't ramble on any more - cause i could be here all night filling you in on all the reasons I have to feel sorry for myself, I just really wondered how you know when you've crossed the line from feeling down, to actually being depressed?

xx

maytaurus

La-Cara wrote: »

hi all, I'm also feeling really crap today, I hate Valentines Day, just makes me feel so unloved and lonely
have hardly eaten this last few days, just haven't felt like it, managed to have dinner tonight though.
just wish someone would love me, is that really so much to ask for? don't even have any friends I can talk to properly. life sucks

maytaurus

Crap_with_money.com wrote: »

Hey all,

Sorry to barge in, I'm not even sure I'm in the right place. I've just had a few issues recently, and I've kinda been wondering, how do you know when feeling sad all the time, has actually become depression?

I don't suppose it even really matters that much what label you put on it, I've just been worried recently that I'm bordering on being depressed, and the idea of it scares me.

My dad passed away last year, it was the 22nd of Jan so it's been just over a year now, and although I'd started to feel a bit better about everything, the last few weeks I feel worse than ever!

I'm just so sad all the time, and constantly on the verge of tears. On the surface, I actually have a pretty decent life, But I just don't ever seem to feel happy any more.

I'm sorry - I won't ramble on any more - cause i could be here all night filling you in on all the reasons I have to feel sorry for myself, I just really wondered how you know when you've crossed the line from feeling down, to actually being depressed?

xx

Most people associate depression with periods of feeling down or sadness, and in large part that is true. Early signs of depression will certainly include feelings of extreme sadness and guilt, as well as crying for no apparent reason. Many people experience these feelings in response to a specific event or situation in their lives, butdepression is different.
With depression, you cannot usually pinpoint a cause for the way you are feeling
Another sign of depression is anxiety. Anxiety is usually associated with feeling jumpy or nervous. Normal anxiety is often caused by a certain event or circumstance as well, butwhen it accompanies depression , often there is no cause you can think of. The fact that you cannot figure out why you are so anxious makes you even more anxious, and this feeds thedepression.
Another early warning sign of depression shows up as an overall lack of interest. This includes food, sex, and anything else that you previously enjoyed. You loose interest in social aspects of your life as well. You don't feel like talking to or seeing even your closest friends and family.

Crap_with_money.com

Thanks Maytaurus. I guess maybe it's not depression as such, since I know the cause! I'd never really had any problems until my dad passed away, but since there's been so many times I just feel as though I'm struggling to keep my head above water. I just never expected that grief would hit me in such a physical way! It's as though it's tainted every relationship in my life, and every thought that goes through my head!

I know on the surface, that although I'm dealing with a big loss in my life, in general things are pretty good for me. But I could still burst into tears at any given second, I'm constantly tired, regardless of how much sleep I get, I'd happily stay in my bed every day for the forseeable future, and some days it just feels as though I'm at war with the world! Although I do have a few good friends in my life, as well as a lovely boyfriend, I still feel so isolated all the time - and as though no one even really cares enough to try and understand!

It's hard, and really frustrating - I'm generally a pretty practical person, and it drives me mad that I can't find a practical solution that's gonna make me feel better! I

maytaurus

Crap_with_money.com
sorry for your loss
have alook at this site
http://www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk/
speak to your GP if you have faith in them
and keep alert to your feelings

Tiff_2

Hi guys!
Morning everyone! Evening sazzy!
How is everyone? I might know the answer to that if I'd checked my PMs! It's tough being so popular! (as if!)

Going to start with a warm Tiffy to crap-with-money.com (cwm)! Thanks you for your posts hunnie - I can promise you lots of friendly support here from the thread's many angels. I'm so glad may was here last night for you. I hope you'll stay around angel and please feel free to share as much, or as little, as you feel comfortable with doing. I think you should book an appointment with your gp angel - but I'll try and answer properly later.

I'm also sending a special hug to sp, rbk and cara. ( No - that's one hug between the three of you!) I've been thinking about you and hope that this morning feels a little easier for you. Don't give up guys - you're true survivors and you can get through this! Meanwhile I know we'll all do as much as we can to help you through this rough patch.

Again it's a case of post and run I'm afraid. Tiff Towers is on high alert - DS has been set free from the Conservatoire for half term! He was 19 yesterday and he stayed to celebrate with his friends and what's left of him after the hangover will be home at some point today. I can't say when because he hasn't even bought a ticket yet! This means I've got to do my first ever Sunday visit to Asda. I think he'll be staying with his father tomorrow until Tuesday (we live in the same town) and DS will go back next weekend. So it's going to be a case of checking in when I can. Hey - who's cheering?! Actually, that may be fairly often because when he came home for the Christmas holidays, he would sleep until 2 or 3 pm!

I just need to issue a Tiff Mega-Post Warning before I go - I jotted down a few lines for our beth.
To the rest of the clan, I'll hopefully see you later. If I'm not back by March, send in the cavalry!
Safe journeys guys.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

Tiff_2

Hi guys!
No - I didn't forget!

Much Love,
Tiff xxx

Tiff_2

Hi beth!
How are you hunnie?
I know you've been so worried about your financial situation recently. I've been digging down in the Tiff archives again, (must dust down there one day!), and I hope that I've been able to come up with some ideas that may help you with your IB tribunal.

From the information you've given, I'd like to say firstly that you couldn't have better support than that which you are getting from Welfare Rights angel. They also helped me when I first started wandering the benefits minefield and they really know what they're doing.
I also had to take a case to tribunal and between our efforts, the agency cancelled the tribunal the same week it was supposed to happen(!!!), and my claim was backdated and upheld. Sometimes I wonder if certain agencies hold out until the very last minute - almost like playing chicken - in the hope that maybe people will back out. Both CAB and Welfare Rights have an excellent reputation for fair play and are very good at covering all bases. I hope this will go some way to reassuring you hun.

Someone said, (sorry can't remember who), that you should forget about it for now because your appeal isn't until March and I personally disagree with this because you have to think about the time it will take for you to send and receive letters back. Never leave things until the last minute - always reply promptly and keep yourself very familiar with what's going on, guys. It's very tempting with mental ill health, to feel as though you can't deal with it right now, that you'll do it later because it all seems so overwhelming and confusing and yes, depressing. This is why so many people don't get the help they need. If you're in a similar position, always contact CAB who can refer you on to other agencies like WR who can do most of the donkey work for you and who are bang up-to-date with legislation.

Your gp has supported the statement to DWP that they don't think you're able to return to work. I'm pleased that WR are involved because they will be making sure every i is dotted etc., and they will be helping you gather supporting evidence for your tribunal. This is the really important part in the process. You need to get as much evidence, (letters etc), as possible and there may be sources that you'd not even think about approaching.

It can really help to get as many letters as you can from anyone that is aware of your situation. Get them to state what they know about your health and how it affects you - eg., maybe you can't attend meetings or appointments because you find it hard to go out?
Some ideas would be your local mp, your mental health professional if you have one, a second letter from your gp (making sure any meds are listed also), any activity or group that you're involved with, your church, family and friends who see how you are affected, (they are just as important and valid! This would be a good part to get a letter from OH describing your holiday experience), your children's school(s), a counsellor, as well as a letter from WR. Once you've got these, pass them over to WR.

Don't worry too much if these contacts don't apply to you hunnie. That in itself is evidence that you are not well enough to go out and do these things. As with many people with depression, we tend to become isolated and you need to mention this.

It is also a very good idea to write a personal statement yourself. Never assume that they can assume something or would know something - you have to put it in black and white. Try to give as much detail as possible - what it feels like and exactly how it affects you, what you can't do for your family now. You need to base this on how you feel at your worst - tell them about your panic attacks and isolation etc. - because although we do have better days, we also still have very bad days and never know when they are coming, so we have to base it on that.
Tell them what your health is like, how you had previously worked for 10 years nearly at the same company when you became ill, that for the first two years you didn't claim any benefits and that the family struggled on their own until you finally did apply and the claim was successful and backdated and DWP wouldn't have done this if they weren't satisfied that you were too ill to work. State that you've been receiving IB for the last nearly nine years and that your dr has advised you against returning to work. Mention any treatment or counselling or meds that you've had. List things it's stopped you from doing - activities with children or attending family events etc.
And also state what I know you feel, that you wouldn't want to be ill like this, that you'd much prefer to be able to go out to work and not claim benefits but that sadly, this isn't the situation.

In a separate letter, you should also write about your experience with the dr who assessed you. This is important and should explain what your experience was like. Be very honest and tell them how he made you feel and that what he put on the form was not what you said and that you felt you were led by him and were confused. This is important bcause it can show that what was written down on your application, was not correct and didn't represent your health or conditions accurately. If you had been represented properly, you wouldn't have had to go through all this. Tell them that the examination wasn't conducted properly and was most unfair. If you cried afterwards put that down. Tell them how it has badly affected your health at the time and since - the effects and stress that this whole situation has caused you, even the adverse effects that dealing with this tribunal has affected your health, and it is making your health even worse because of this stress. Also tell them that you don't feel able to represent yourself properly due to your health and that's why you have WR representing you.

Also down in the Tiff archives,, I found this government link directly connected to Incapacity Benefit. This link may be interesting to read because it may show you what he should have been looking for...

IB Assessments...

http://www.jobcentreplus.gov.uk/JCP/stellent/groups/jcp/documents/websitecontent/dev_015451.pdf

Here I've taken an extract from this pdf publication...

Incapacity Benefit

An information factsheet produced by Welfare Rights (Mental Health) and Assertive Inreach Teams.

[FONT=CJFECO+Arial,Arial][FONT=CJFECO+Arial,Arial]Leicestershire Partnership NHS [/FONT][/FONT][FONT=CJFECO+Arial,Arial]
[/FONT][FONT=CJFECO+Arial,Arial][FONT=CJFECO+Arial,Arial]NHS Trust[/FONT]

[/FONT]

Mental Health One of the specified medical conditions relating to mental health states:

A severe mental illness is one which "severely and adversely affects a person’s mood or behaviour and which severely restricts their social functioning, or awareness of their immediate environment".

Guidance advises that a mental health problem should be considered "severe" where there is a need for ongoing psychiatric care - for example:

• <LI goog_docs_charIndex="11347">sheltered residential facilities with regular medical or nursing supervision <LI goog_docs_charIndex="11428">day care at least one day per week in a centre where qualified nursing care is available <LI goog_docs_charIndex="11521">care at home with intervention, at least one day a week, by a qualified mental health care worker
• long-term medication with anti-psychotic drugs including depot neuroleptics or mood modifying drugs

Exemption should also be considered where your condition severely restricts your social functioning or means you are likely to pose a threat or danger to others.

What medical evidence can I use?

Medical evidence can be from:

• <LI goog_docs_charIndex="11976">a doctor approved by the Secretary of State <LI goog_docs_charIndex="12024">any other doctor, hospital or similar institution, or
• the most reliable evidence available in the circumstances (this is where your family/friends would come in).

Below I've listed the general guidelines for claims regarding mental ill health. Don't worry about it being from Glasgow - that was just the easiest link to find, angel.
http://www.glasgow.gov.uk/en/Residents/GettingAdvice/WelfareRights/Factsheets/incapacity.htm
People who are exempt from the Personal Capability Assessment
The following are exempt:

• <LI goog_docs_charIndex="12569">people receiving Disability Living Allowance - higher rate care <LI goog_docs_charIndex="12637">people who are terminally ill with a progressive disease <LI goog_docs_charIndex="12698">people who are registered blind <LI goog_docs_charIndex="12734">people with a Disablement Benefit of 80 per cent or more <LI goog_docs_charIndex="12795">pregnant women within six weeks of confinement <LI goog_docs_charIndex="12846">pregnant women where there is a serious risk to her or her child <LI goog_docs_charIndex="12915">people receiving in-patient treatment in hospital <LI goog_docs_charIndex="12969">welfare to work beneficiaries
• exemption on "specified medical condition"

There you go hunnie - a little light homework for you to do. Remember beth - family and friends and neighbours can contribute significantly.
I hope this helps angel - sorry if you've already covered all this. I'd hope with all the evidence available, that the tribunal might be cancelled. I'm no professional sweetheart so I can't say - you never know. Please always consult your WR contacts about what you are considering doing. But hold onto the fact that you've got a truly excellent team behind you with WR.
Good luck hunnie.
Much love,
Tiff xxx