Daughter 22

Smashing

A the moment her 'lifestyle' means she has the luxury of not doing anything less that her ideal job. She needs to get real and get a job. Very few - especially in this market - walk into their ideal job straight out of uni. At the very least she should be out there getting some experience under her belt.

If she can't get a job then she needs to be volunteering - giving something back instead of just living on handouts (from the government or her family).

What does she need a car for right now anyway? It's not like she needs it to get to her non-existant job. A car us a luxury - one, if she wishes to have the pleasure of owning she has to pay for AFTER she has paid for her keep.

She's not a student any longer and it's time to do something constructive with her life. Now, not when the ideal job magically falls into her lap.

nearlyrich

I have two early 20's children both working and living back at home after uni, my rule was a couple of months to get a job and then start paying board, they probably eat more than we take off them but it's the principle of paying your way that's important.

My daughter left uni early as she wasn't enjoying it and she wanted to get into a particular job, it took 2 years to get a start and in between I said she needed a 35 hours a week job otherwise she would have done just enough hours at the pub to run the car and keep her in tops and mascara.

I didn't get my dream job till I was almost 41 can you afford to support her for another 20 years?

RedBern

have to agree with all previous posters - your daughter has little reason to look for a job. It is a hard world out there - as many graduates are finding - and no-one is going to knock on the door and offer her a job. Whilst ideally she'd like a job doing something wonderful, the harsh facts are she needs to be paying her way and not relying on £43 a week dole money. If she can't find a job doing something she really wants, then she can look for a volunteering job in the general area she's interested in and hope it leads on to something. Otherwise, look at further training (part time) whilst holding down some paid work to help pay her keep at home. As for the car, I'd give her until the end of the month and then tell her she's on her own in paying for it.

ailuro2

take the keys off her - tell her it is to encourage a bit of angst which she can tap into and release via her artisitic talents...

or just tell her she has to grow up and stop sponging off her parents, and join the real world, she's 22 for goodness sake!;)

Stephb1986_2

No are you hell being hard on her!!

I'm 22 I have my own car which i pay for myself, I pay for my own tax, insurance and petrol I dont expect my parents to pay for it for me.

Gawd it would be great if they did!

Can I move in your house and you pay for my car for me??

Steph xx

simpywimpy

Is your daughter okay in herself apart from the lack of motivation?

Maybe she is feeling deflated after the security and routine of University and needs some encouragement to get her life back on a new track.

Dizie

You say you're paying £98 per month for the car, is this finance for the car or running costs? If its finance, surely that makes it your car or is the finance in name with you paying it?

I totally agree with everyone else on here. When I learnt to drive at 17, I had to pay for petrol if I used my parents car and I only had a paper round at the time! When I got part time work, we worked out a cost per mile which I paid and sometimes that I meant I didn't use the car as I couldn't afford to. When I bought my 1st car, I bought it with my Mum. We did a joint loan, set up an account together that we both paid into to cover the payments, insurance, servicing etc and we took it in turns to fill it up with petrol, although if one of us did a long journey, we would fill up after the trip.

Without being rude, what incentive does she have to get a job if she can live rent free, have a car paid for and then claim dole to use as spending money? Maybe time to make her pay her way - really not an unreasonable thing to expect from a 22 year old.

catsy_2

I have to say I also agree with everyone else. I'm 23 and graduated uni a year and a half ago. I have moved out of home and am living with my OH (who i met at uni). We both have full time jobs in arty fields, I am lucky enough to work for my parents but my OH had to look a long time with the market as it is. I feel at 22 she should def be working full time and contributing towards housekeeping, when I was living at home I paid £200 a month towards food and bills. It really helped me get used to regularly paying out bills and stuff, so not only helped my parents out but was a valuble lesson for me. I think you should sit down with your daughter and discuss things with her. Simpywimpy may be right, she may be feeling a bit deflated after uni.

I will say seriously look everywhere and in every creative type of industry as there are lots of areas an arty degree could come in handy (marketing for example). Also an office job in an arty company is sometimes a good start as she'll learn how the company runs and may end up working on the art side.

Hope this helps

BuddyBonthenet

I would also add she's going to have a problem soon getting ANY job if she can't show she is willing to work, especially in a worsening job market! What does she have to put on a CV that will show what skills she has gained in life so far? She needs to get a job soon, before prospective employers think she might not be worth the risk of employing.

Can my husband and I come and live with you?

smallpackages

im sorry if i sound harsh but am i right in thinking your daughter is 22?! she needs to pay for her own car! a car is a privilage and a luxury is it not? and as an adult she absolutely should be contributing towards the family and household. if she cant do this financially then come to some other arrangment. maybe by making meals for everyone and taking on some of the household upkeep, you are not helping her! asking for these contibutions is just being a responsible parent. . the rules in society are and have always been that you get "nowt for nowt" my guess is she is a lovely girl who has been brought up by loving parents who wanted the best for her but she is an adult now and has to decide what she wants and set about acheiving her own goals, she wont do that if everything is done for her and given to her. i am forty now and by the time i was 22 i had two kids a car and a mortgage, and noone else paid for them! my own daughter works and rarely needs help my son is studying but contributes to the family in other ways. we all pull our own weight, they are far from perfect but they know if THEY want it THEY have to make it happen. again sorry if i sound harsh. you want a car an social life and cash in your pocket then you work way of the world am afraid