Daughter 22

Cambridgegirl

My daughter graduated last year form university and has not yet found a job apart from a few weeks temping at the end of last year. I cannot seem to motivate her to apply for jobs, evrything I suggest to her is not what she wants to do. She has a degree in an artistic subject and wants to work in that area. Although I can see no evidence of her looking for this type of job, she just looks in the local paper, and I think it's very unlikely she will find anthing in the area locally.

She is now signing on the dole (which took some persuading) but at least she has some money coming in. Currently I pay for her car and DH put petrol in it. I now plan to ask her for £50 per month towards her car (I pay £98 per month for it) and I feel that her dad should make her pay for her own petrol. I also feel that this might motivate her to find a job if she suddenly finds she is expected to pay out form her dole money.

Am I being to hard on her, whay do others think?

Cambridgegirl

shoppaholic_returns

No,I think you are absolutely right,I had to pay rent also as soon as I finished uni,which was a massive motivator to get a job,can't she get a shop assistant/bar job to tide her over??

I certainly think she should pay for her car,I had to pay for mine whilst I was at uni!!!

I' m sorry to say it,but she sounds like she's being too well looked after by you to get out and find a job,your'e too soft on her! She needs a proverbial kick up the ar**, me thinks!!

Money doesn't grow on trees and the quicker she gets out and learns the value of it the better.

wes_cov

Sounds very much like she needs a clout with reality!

£50 a month towards her car! Will you adopt me I'm only 29 and house trained.

she needs to be made aware that if she wants a life it doesn't come cheap and unfortunately only you can teach her that

SunnyGirl

I don't post on this board really so hope you dont mind me jumping in as it were? It does sound to me as though your daughter needs to get a job of some description to pay her way. I had to even though my Dad earned a good salary & it was made clear to me that unless I paid for it I wouldn't be able to run my car. Dad did pay for the insurance to be fair but everything else was down to me. With the growing unemployment that's happening now any job is going to look better to prospective employers than nothing I would have thought. Good luck.

vixarooni

No youre not being hard at all.

Im 22, i finished my degree in January. I have a part time job that ive had throughout my degree, i have one coming up. I live in a flat and my parents still pay for my car insurance while i sort my finances out which i am thankful for! But that will stop once i have full time work.

My degree is in tourism, and im going back to a part time job i had that i didnt want to do again but i am because its in my field, but im applying for any job i think is suitable for me that has nothing to do with tourism. Sadly were all finishing at the wrong time, but you gotta take what comes. Jobs wont come to you, you have to get out there and work hard at it! Tell her that out of her dole money you want rent, and the petrol money is to be stopped.

mrcow

At 22 I don' think you should be giving her any money at all. If she wants a car then she can pay for it herself.

I also think that you need to give her a deadline of say the end of March and after that time, she starts giving you some sort of rent/housekeeping.

And she needs to get her backside out there and start looking for work. There is a recession on doesn't she know? It's no time to be sitting on your lazy behind waiting for the world to do you a favour.

Point her in the direction of this thread and we'll have word if you like?

anguk

I don't think you're being too hard at all! My son is the same age and he moved down to London for his current job, he got his first part-time job when he was 16 and at 6th form and since he got his first full-time job at 17 he's been completely financially independant.

I understand that she wants a job in her chosen field but needs must and reality has to set in at some point, she needs to get a job, any job, to earn some money. While she's working she can always keep looking for other jobs that she'd prefer.

I don't want to sound awful but you really aren't helping her by funding her car etc. why should she bother getting a job if her parents are just going to pay for everything? If she has to pay for things herself it may spur her on to find a job, if she can't afford to pay for the car out of her dole money she'll have to get a job or lose the car.

ChrisCobra

At 22 you shouldn't be paying for her car really especially the petrol.
Take the keys off her and see how long it takes before she starts looking for work more seriously ?

A little poke can go a long way.... Good luck!

Mini_Bear

OP you are not being harsh. Have you talked to your daughter about the sorts of jobs she would want to go into that are somewhat recession proof - ie art teacher, or a social worker who uses art therapy - one of my friends has a job in social work and is doing art therapy alongside a masters fully paid for by the council. I am 23 and fortunately had a job secure before graduation. perhaps your daughter could get job ideas from those who graduated from her course with her?

Cambridgegirl

Thanks for all your replies and you are right I know, it's my other half I have to convince. Perhaps I'll get him to read this thread. With regard to the car I only took it one because she had a year left at uni and the idea was that she would take opver the payments when she got a job, not realising I would still be paying for it nearly 2 years later!

bunny999

You are not hard enough - she should be giving you money, not the other way round.