The revenge of the stripey socks - a DFW adventure

honeybear_2

fayjmck wrote: »

Prob with me is I am not really a giverupper - never have been - never admit defeat!

Knowing when to walk away is something that takes a lot of guts & is definitely not being defeatist - consider yourself told

Pippilongstocking

OK - thanks dear!!


Just been out for a walk and a blast in Darwin whilst taking jamies chums home

Beautiful here today - that's putting things into perspective....

urg123

Hi Fay

I haven't been on here much recently - having a busy time at work.

I just wanted to send you a big hug. I know how hard you have fought for this so it must be hard to be thinking about stepping away from it. You are also right - there are other things that are a priority. You wouldn't be walking away. You have changed your mind.

Have you tried to visualise what your life will be like without the studying for the PhD- how does it look to you?

Lots of stripey hugs

urg x x

Cheery_Daff

Hi Fay (and everyone else!),

Glad to hear you're getting things into perspective girl. It's important, but really not worth giving up life (or Christmas!) for. It's hard enough without battling supervisors being sh*tty all the time too. I think you have to assess what's right for you - and it might just mean that this isn't right, right now. That does NOT mean you aren't capable of a PhD, does NOT mean you're not up to standard at all, but it might just mean that in this department, with this level of support, on this topic, where you are in your life, it's not the right time.

If that's the case, hold your head high, and move on.

(having just spent 6 years myself battling with a succession of stupid supervisors and making myself ill trying to get the damn thing done, only to be told it's not good enough after all this time of being told it would be good enough, I wish I'd damn well walked away myself 4 years ago when I wanted to but was persuaded to stay! Seriously contemplating just not doing corrections, but seems to be cutting nose off to spite face... But not sure I want to be part of a world whose sole purpose seems to be spending time criticising other people's work...)

You'll do what is necessary for the good of your family and your own sanity. Stick the phD up the supervisor's !!!! I say

More flower growing, more knitting, and more stripeyness, that's the spirit!

xxxxx

Pippilongstocking

Bless you guys!

To be honest I think being in tears everyday isn't the way forward - I use to be good at things and use to be considered an asset (Or was it an a-s-s I never remember!!!!) now I just feel utterly useless and utterly disappointing.

I love my project and to be honest I'd only have to write is back again in farmer speak to get my message accross anyway - maybe I can find a way of cutting to the chase and writing my work up in a clear and useful way.

Just need to figure out how - they certainly won't beat me.

Cheery nice to see you - I'd sleep on the corrections and see how you feel after your lovely windy winter holiday in Orkney!!

Cheery_Daff

Already slept on them - they're all crinkly and squashed into submission now

Feel positive anyway - of course will do the darn things, will just do exactly what they say then get the h*ll out of the department I say Thank goodness I didn't get a full time job!!

Certainly won't be doing anything til after cheery windy winter hols in Orkney Got too much darn sewing to do before then, lol! Got to get priorities right...

And so do you - I know too well the thought of feeling incompetent and useless, I'd only just lost it, and now got it back all over again - but going to refuse to take it on this time. Positive couple of fingers up to the lot of em I say. You do what you need to to get the work you've already done into a useful format, then flick them some Vs and walk away with your head held high if you like and go where you're appreciated doing something cheery and fun.

Who says life has to be difficult??

Karmacat

fayjmck wrote: »

Ah ordinary - I dont really mean properly ordinary!

Just my kinda normal

Which I have to say sounds like yours!

And "my kind of normal" says why you get the crazy label - I get it too, absolutely, even my partner in our business has said to me "you're not exactly following a normal life path"..... and thats okay, cos I'm not. I've also been told that people have to think when they're around me..... when you follow your own path, there are consequences certainly consequences you hadn't expected. On the whole, tho, I like it - and I don't think I *could* have been normal- normal.

fayjmck wrote: »

The Orkney lot are on the whole really supportive (aside idiot chops) - but we're all at the stage of saying OK we really need ot move forward. I can't work any harder or maybe I've decided other things in my life are more important?

Verdicts still out here - thanks for all your lovely comments though - its really great to know you're all out there!

I was doing a postgrad diploma about 6 years ago, and gave up when I was halfway through the final assignment - then my tutor wrote to me and basically said straight out that with the 3 I'd already submitted, I only needed 3 more marks to get a pass. So I submitted what I had, and got a 2.1. Very different from a PhD, which is a *proper* qualification, but I'm not a giver upper either, it was very weird. Turned out for me, tho, when I did give up, that I'd achieved the goal. The goal for you was a PhD. Or was it? Whats the goal? *Have* you achieved it?

fayjmck wrote: »

Bless ta love - think am at a bit of a water shed - I can work over the holidays but I am not sure I 'want' to - I haven't spent any xmas time with kids for 3 years and last couple years I have been madly ignoring them by obbessivley writing and then I have to end upputting them on the plane to dads having spent absolutely no time wiht them at all.

This year the whole two weeks are at home with me - I don't mind working a bit - but I think I'd need to kill myself to get it all done and to be fair it probably won't be right anyway - :mad:

So thanks for all the lovely support

Prob with me is I am not really a giverupper - never have been - never admit defeat!

I remember you saying recently that you weren't very ambitious, that you quite fancied having another baby with OH..... you know, bringing a baby into the world, into an environment thats mature and thoughtful and loving is a wonderful thing.

Don't really have a point here, except to say, trust yourself...........hope its okay to write like this.........

Pippilongstocking

KC its lovely - ta me dear xxxxx

Made me think lots and lots in a good way and no not really ambitious - like the *idea* of being a Dr of Flowers but maybe perhaps not the reality and certainly not at all costs

I do sort of fancy another child, which is also making me think - and made me think UM do I want to be upgraded now? I am not sure at all that I do.

What was the original goal - to be employed (of sorts) to support the kids and if I got a Dr of Flowers along the way by working hard then woo hoo

Kids are supported - finances are so much more sorted now - the PhD gave us the stability of regular money. So that goal is acheived.

I thought I wanted to work in academia - not so sure about that now - there's maybe lots of ways of working with flowers and communicating in my own way without actually being a researcher. I don't like talking in public, I don't like my and others work slagged off and I don't like the pretentious 'exclusive' club that some folks with Dr's think they are (NO offence to NICE folks with Dr's at the start of their name)

I just kept hearing them say - AFTER THIS you'll do x, y and z - and I thought - UM not sure I will you know its not what I am after.

Phoned OH tonight and we talked it through - he's supportive whatever we do - and has texted the same message several times. If I want to plod along and slowly achieve this then he's happy to support that as well.

You are a lovely bunch.

If I didn't like my project so much and knew how important it is here - then I'd just walk away.

Thats the hard bit, don't really give two hoots about the Dr bit if it means such an impact on my everyday life.

Looks like I want life with willow but not life with PhD - lol I am a freak but a happy (ish) one.

On Friday I thought to myself I haven't been this upset since Hubby left - that tells a story.

Pippilongstocking

Cheery_Daff wrote: »

Already slept on them - they're all crinkly and squashed into submission now


Who says life has to be difficult??

I often sleep on papers in the hope the knowledge will somehow just leak into my brain

Nope life shouldn't be difficult - and I'd be the first to tell my kids to stop something that was making them miserable.

Just need to fathom an exit strategy - as no one listened to my revised and potentially more achievable time line on Friday I think I will head down to student services and discuss that with the head of the division nice supervisor present and say I surrender AND what do I do next

My head of dept is away for a week on field work - so if I can get myslef together and work out something with our Head of Division then I think I will sit down with him and our dept boss when he's back

After that I'll tackle the idiot supervisor when I have myself good and sorted in my own head with good advice from HIS boss (es).

Well thats todays plan

Stripey socks will indeed be worn - I may need bigger shoes ot accommodate the amount of socks I need!:D

honeybear_2

fayjmck wrote: »

Stripey socks will indeed be worn - I may need bigger shoes ot accommodate the amount of socks I need!:D

How about a pair of these instead?

ignoring the price tag tho! :eek: