would you consider living apart for financial reasons ?

lisndai

Does anyone actually do this and does it work ? I was talking with my husband about our finances which are in a bit of a mess at the moment and right or wrong i made a fleeting comment about how much better off we would be living apart for a few months this would easily clear and sort our finances out an awful lot quicker than we could living together .

Millionaire

How? Do you mean by receiving certain benefits by separating?

dobbie82

My husband and I lived apart for 12 months when I moved with the kids back home to be near family and he stayed where wages were much higher, but then we found money isnt the most important thing. Not sure I would do it again though.

lisndai

well yes basically ......this is something i would never in a million years have even thought of i have always worked for everything yet i was in the school playground the other day and two of the mums who dont work just openly and quite matter of fact admitted thats what they have been doing for years which i was quite shocked about and it just got me wandering just how common is this ?

Maybe im a bit niave just never realised how much it goes on and yes i do now its illegal

lisndai

Dobbie would you consider it again in a desperate situation though just for the short term?

debsthe1

My OH and I have been in this situation since my DS was born 8 years ago - he has gone where the work is. A v difficult situation , but we still have a roof over our heads and a strong relationship as well...

Soubrette

I would live apart if jobs were elsewhere and the situation was desperate.

I would not claim to be a single mum if I weren't. First I believe that taking benefit money that you are not entitled to means that you are literally stealing from the destitute and disabled (people are only willing to pay so much in tax) and secondly you will be made to pay it all back if you are caught - so don't pee anyone off who knows your situation!!

Why not post a full statement of affairs on the debtfreewannabe board and they can give you ideas on where you might be able to cut back.

And go to the oldstyle board for ideas on cutting costs on cooking and cleaning.

Then look at the up your income board for ideas on extra things that could boost your income.

Sou

bestpud

What about the impact on your children?

Dh and I are separating at the moment, genuinely, and our children are heartbroken; it was awful telling them.

Or would you be open and tell them it was in order to commit fraud and the worst outcome is prison for one, or both of you...?

My other thought is, have you actually checked out the financial side of it because we will be a lot worse off?

Seriously, get a grip! You can't put a price on your family FGS! :mad:

I would urge you to think very hard about this as you have children to consider and they don't have the same ability to deal with family splits.

It's not all about money so ask yourself if you really want to mess your children about for the sake of a few quid. :mad:

Sorry if I seem harsh.

Gingernutmeg

My OH and I have lived apart for a while (about eight months) for work reasons. Personally, I wouldn't do it again as we both agree that it did cause a lot of damage to our relationship. We couldn't see each other often as it was too expensive and inconvenient to travel, we both ended up feeling resentful of the other, we were both angry about the situation and took it out on each other and it took a long time to get back to 'normal' - you really take all of the 'routines' of living together for granted until they go and you have to get them back. To go from a few years of living together to trying to living apart and trying to maintain a long-distance relationship is very, very hard and I don't think it's a way I could live long-term - it's definitely not something I could do if we had children. I know it can sometimes be better financially to live separately but you have to think about whether what you're gaining financially is being lost in other ways. You can't really pay to get a relationship back.

edit - for clarity: just to clarify that we did not do this to claim benefits, it was simply I had to live where the work was and we'd just been evicted as the landlord was selling so we had to move and for various reasons we couldn't live where I worked - stupidly complicated but one of those things. I don't approve of people pretending to be separate when they're not to claim extra benefits. Apart from the legal side, it must be an incredibly damaging thing to do to children, and personally I wouldn't want to live always having to look over my shoulder. I'd rather have less cash and feel that I don't have to live hiding things.

lolababy

Im not in your situation so I cant and wont judge you. At the end of the day things must be really dire for you to consider this.Id think long and hard as it could end your marriage.It may turn out that you or your partner may like living apart.
At the end of the day you need to do what is best for you both.

Paparika

lisndai wrote: »

well yes basically ......this is something i would never in a million years have even thought of i have always worked for everything yet i was in the school playground the other day and two of the mums who dont work just openly and quite matter of fact admitted thats what they have been doing for years which i was quite shocked about and it just got me wandering just how common is this ?

Maybe im a bit niave just never realised how much it goes on and yes i do now its illegal

I bet what they haven't told you is they have their partners stay over so those single mum benefits are fraudulently claimed.

If their partners don't stay over then fine, but realistically how can you have a relationship with your hubby when your in separate homes.