Been told my son may have ADHD, any advice pls?

blue_monkey_2

Gingham_Ribbon wrote: »

Usually, yes. I was mentioning it because the OP's son has only just started school so they haven't had long enough to let the lad settle into school. I wouldn't presume to say that someone whose child has been diagnosed was given the wrong diagnosis.

But this was not just about school for the OP, it is the Child Developement Clinic who do liase with the school. What I am saying is that it should not be ignored because the earlier she gets the help the better it is for her child. A wrong diagnosis where a child gets more help and settles earlier is better than no diagnosis so a child struggles through school.

My son got 1:1 on his diagnosis and it helped immensely, he spent most of the lesson either biting the other kids or hiding under the table, it was a horrendous strain. Had he not got any diagnosis then he would have ended up being excluded. So I would prefer a wrong diagnosis after he has settled than no help at all.

PolishBigSpender

blue_monkey wrote: »

But this was not just about school for the OP, it is the Child Developement Clinic who do liase with the school. What I am saying is that it should not be ignored because the earlier she gets the help the better it is for her child. A wrong diagnosis where a child gets more help and settles earlier is better than no diagnosis so a child struggles through school.

You have to be joking. Getting a child misdiagnosed condemns that child with the label for the rest of his school life - it could be a very lonely 12 years if the child is made an outcast because of a wrong diagnosis.

Imagine feeding a child with drugs that it doesn't even need, just to help it in school?

My son got 1:1 on his diagnosis and it helped immensely, he spent most of the lesson either biting the other kids or hiding under the table, it was a horrendous strain. Had he not got any diagnosis then he would have ended up being excluded. So I would prefer a wrong diagnosis after he has settled than no help at all.

1:1 education, at what cost?

The fact that he had time to bite the children or hiding suggests boredom.

blue_monkey_2

:rotfl: Actually you are getting funny now.

Now I'd love to hear your take on depression if I could...... :rolleyes:

Janepig

moggylover wrote: »

It doesn't mean the child is not ADHD - it just means that he/she has the added disadvantage of poor parenting:D

Trust me, it's bad parenting! And besides, these children would be too young to be diagnosed anyway.

Jxx

moggylover

PolishBigSpender wrote: »

I was looking for a site to provide me with a quick definition in English. If you want, I can give you an indepth definition in Polish - but that wouldn't be much use, would it?



If they're that far behind, does that explain why the UK NHS is so desperate to hire them? Thought so.



Illness? Again, this is simply applying a label to behaviour problems - which are a result of learnt behaviour. Children are very quick to learn, and bad habits can form easily. A child may pick up problems with authority by listening to his father shout at the postman, for instance.



What would you know about me?

As for a 'number of professionals' - it says a considerable amount that you've had to take your child to more than one. Is it to reassure yourself that it's not your own lousy parenting skills at fault?

Just as a matter of interest: how old are you that you know everything on every subject?

You have already proved on another thread that you have a totally inhuman attitude to interviewing - now you show that you are equally incapable of humanity on a thread about parenting: despite the fact that once again it is not a subject on which you have any first hand experience.:D

Before my son was diagnosed, he saw the paediatrician and then the school psychologist and that was after seeing his GP and the health visitor who had been attending for some time because his behaviour was causing me concern. Thus, several medical professionals were involved in his diagnosis.

Both my sons father and I are well educated (and I guarantee you my own education is more than a match for yours;) ) and very quiet people and were well into our 30's before my son was born due to careers. I own my own home in a quiet and pleasant village. Where would he learn his bad behaviour? His father grew up with our postman, they were both at Grammar school together, and our postman was the son of the neighbouring farm. He might raise his voice to attract attention: but shout at him, or at anyone else? No. He still rarely raises his voice to the children - other than when he is coaching the local Rugby team that is.:D

When you have grown up and experienced reality (and maybe a child or two of your own) then you will have something to bring to this thread other than a rather racist attitude and an overly large ego. The first rule of MSE is to be kind to other posters: I realise this would be very difficult for you - but suggest you give it some effort and if you have no actual help and advice for the OP (who is a lovely and kind person not deserving of your filth) then absent yourself and come back when you have something of value to add.

moggylover

Janepig wrote: »

Trust me, it's bad parenting! And besides, these children would be too young to be diagnosed anyway.

Jxx

Still does not mean that they are not ADHD - just that a firm diagnosis cannot be confirmed yet:D .

LittleTinker

This is another one who has a child who apparently has no long term interest in anything other than TV, computers and hand held electronic games.

Is it no surprise?

What on Earth are children of such young, impressionable, delicate ages doing spending all that time on such soul destroying activities??

It just seems as though a vicious circle is made early on in life and it becomes easier for parents to give in and say "Fine...which DVD do you want on?" instead of being firm and saying "Tough...we ARE going on on a walk whether you want to or not"....or something equally beneficial.

Once they are allowed to do things that are easy and sedentary, they continue with it.

I have seen so many of you Mums say, "So if letting them sit in front of the TV for a few hours gives us a break, what is wrong with that??" Hmmm....seems like that is the problem most of the time. Mums cant be bothered....so it is easier to give in and let the TV or similar have them.

I know its hard....parenting is hard especially when you have a kids who plays up and wants to watch the TV instead of other things. But it seriously is something that is much easier if the ground rules are set from day one.

For example....there was a thread the other day about pink shoes. Giving in to the want is not as simple as "Awww hes only a litte boy"....its all to do with disipline. "No...pink shoes are not practical for now. You need shoes for playschool......but, put them on your Christmas list if you still want them then"

Its all about setting boundaries and not letting children cross them......whether they are 2 or 12.

blue_monkey_2

Do you really think that it is this black and white?

I am in the park with my 2 children. My 4 year old son runs off, my 6 year old daughter is on the swing. Do I stay with DD or leave her and go after DS? Do I drag DD with me after DS as I can assure you he runs a damn sight faster than I do (yes, I am sure you do not beleive me and yes, I probably should be training to run faster on a daily basis with a poersonal trainer!). Do I just let him run off until he runs into the road and gets hit by a car. Do I buy one of those retractable leads so that he cannot run any further than the gate. Do I keep one hand on him the whole time so I cannot spend time with DD and he gets my attention the while time.

Love you as I do, 'we are going for a walk now whether you like it or not' is going to end up with a dead weight child on the floor who is having a tantrum. I cannot carry him as he is too heavy for me - so do I invest in a disbabled buggy for when he is like this? Maybe I can get a wheelbarrow and wheel him there? Should I tan his backside and say get out the door now? Do I just leave him there. Just what boundaries do you want me to stick to? My child support worker cannot seem to find the answer either.

You see, some things are not black and white much as I love to ignore the tantrums sometimes you cannot, they disrupt your life. Much as I love your perky attitude life is not like that. I'd love to say I can make my child not do this. I am waiting for suggestions though.

Do I stick them in front of the TV though? No, they are not interested, I've spend a fortune on crafting stuff, trainsets, cars and playsets, I cannot even begin to tell you as I cannot get him to sit and do anything. That is why we spend a fortune on a HUGE wooden playcentre for the garden, I am lucky as I have a huge garden and they can play in that all day - and in the summer they do it is harder this time of year as everything is wet - the next thing is to have a huge path built so they can ride their bikes in the garden. Not every parent sticks their kids in front of the TV and there are other issues, issues that you working with a child during school hours would not see.

There are so many things I could go on about, things you think that these kids can change overnight, if it was this easy we'd all be on parenting courses and none of these kids will have any problems. It is that easy isn't it?

Janepig

moggylover wrote: »

Still does not mean that they are not ADHD - just that a firm diagnosis cannot be confirmed yet:D .

Nope, I'm not budging .

Jxx

LittleTinker

blue_monkey wrote: »

Do you really think that it is this black and white?

I am in the park with my 2 children. My 4 year old son runs off, my 6 year old daughter is on the swing. Do I stay with DD or leave her and go after DS? Do I drag DD with me after DS as I can assure you he runs a damn sight faster than I do (yes, I am sure you do not beleive me and yes, I probably should be training to run faster on a daily basis with a poersonal trainer!). Do I just let him run off until he runs into the road and gets hit by a car. Do I buy one of those retractable leads so that he cannot run any further than the gate. Do I keep one hand on him the whole time so I cannot spend time with DD and he gets my attention the while time.

Love you as I do, 'we are going for a walk now whether you like it or not' is going to end up with a dead weight child on the floor who is having a tantrum. I cannot carry him as he is too heavy for me - so do I invest in a disbabled buggy for when he is like this? Maybe I can get a wheelbarrow and wheel him there? Should I tan his backside and say get out the door now? Do I just leave him there. Just what boundaries do you want me to stick to? My child support worker cannot seem to find the answer either.

You see, some things are not black and white much as I love to ignore the tantrums sometimes you cannot, they disrupt your life. Much as I love your perky attitude life is not like that. I'd love to say I can make my child not do this. I am waiting for suggestions though.

Do I stick them in front of the TV though? No, they are not interested, I've spend a fortune on crafting stuff, trainsets, cars and playsets, I cannot even begin to tell you as I cannot get him to sit and do anything. That is why we spend a fortune on a HUGE wooden playcentre for the garden, I am lucky as I have a huge garden and they can play in that all day - and in the summer they do it is harder this time of year as everything is wet - the next thing is to have a huge path built so they can ride their bikes in the garden. Not every parent sticks their kids in front of the TV and there are other issues, issues that you working with a child during school hours would not see.

There are so many things I could go on about, things you think that these kids can change overnight, if it was this easy we'd all be on parenting courses and none of these kids will have any problems. It is that easy isn't it?

Give me a break...and some credit.

It says a lot that you have to ask what you should do in the above scenarios!

If you know what he is like when you go to the Park then yes, you put him in a pushchair or buy some reins....why should your daughter not go to the swings just because your son has a paddy!? You CANNOT let him control what you do!!

You seem to have an excuse for every scenario and seem to wonder an awful lot about what you should be doing....the simple answer is to take control.

A 4 year old child is too heavy for you? Something is not right about that. You pick him up and you put him in the pushchair. If you dont have a pushchair, get one. If he doesnt like the pushchair, tough. When he learns to be calm he can walk, but in the meantime he is spoiling YOUR time with your daughter.

Surely you dont need me to tell you all this?

Yes you ignore him. You tell him first that his behaviour is NOT acceptable and you will NOT speak to him until he has calmed down. If that takes an hour then it is an hour that will be VERY hard for you......but thats the thing isnt it....easier to give in.

Thats all I am saying. Half these kids dont have anything wrong with them at all....and you know what.....its the ones like your daughter who suffer the most.