Been told my son may have ADHD, any advice pls?

BREX

My daughter was diagnosed with ADD/ODD (oppositional defiancy disorder) and CD(conduct disorder) at the age of 16.
For years we struggled through with all her problems, blaming ourselves for how she was...moving her from school to school because she was always in trouble.
It was only when a friend of mine had a relative visitng and we went to see them that ADD even came into focus...she had a daughter who had nearly the same problems as Sam. We made an appointment at Horsham Learning Assesment Centre to see Dr Geoff Kewley and after thorough assessment
Sam was diagnosed with the severest form of ADD/ODD and CD.
We made the very hard decision to try her on medication ...our family was falling apart at this point..and all I can say is the medication has helped us enormously. People may not agree with this but if they tried to live with Sam for even a couple of days without meds they would soon find out how hard it was for us to live with ADD for 16 years
We now have a daughter we can talk to and who acts as a 'normal' 21 year old....she has nearly completed a three year college course with distinctions throughout the course and has also had a beautiful son.
I would recommend visiting the Horsham Learning assessment Centre website:
http://www.lanc.uk.com/

Dr Kewley has written many books on ADHD and ADD and they do not assess children as having ADHD or any other problems lightly.

blue_monkey_2

Noctu wrote: »

There's been some research looking at possible early infant developmental delay in the brain and some suggestions that various gene defects may contribute towards ADHD (failures with dopamine transporters). Might be interesting to have a look at.

Yes, that is interesting, can you tell me where I can find out more about that.

ASG_2

Please can I butt in here?
As the mother of two well adjusted, now working, almost grown up kids I've always been inclined towards the "poor parenting" side of ADHD.
I am now lucky to be dating a guy who's son has ADHD and all I can say is a huge "SORRY". Having seen said son in action I've completely rethought my attitude. My bf is an amazing Dad, has the patience of a saint and doesn't buckle under pressure as extreme as I've ever seen.
His son is highly intelligent, has an enquiring mind and retains knowledge to extremes. Please give the OP a break and the support she needs and deserves

blue_monkey_2

BREX wrote: »

My daughter was diagnosed with ADD/ODD (oppositional defiancy disorder) and CD(conduct disorder) at the age of 16.
For years we struggled through with all her problems, blaming ourselves for how she was...moving her from school to school because she was always in trouble.....

What a lovely story BREX, this is what worried me with DD and it shows that medication helps, while not everyone approves you have to do what is right for your child and in this case your daughter clearly had a problems. Did they say it was the link between her changing hormones at all? This is the theory I have, that HF Sectrum Girls can deal with things fine (to a degree) and then when their homones change they cannot cope with the feelings and frustrations.

I think that is it, that people are quick to pass judgement without having any experience of the condition and living with an ADHD child and this is what irritates me.

ETA: Also to ASG, this is what I was trying to say, unless people have had experience of day to day living with a child with this condition they really cannot judge.

moggylover

Janepig wrote: »

Loathed as I am to agree :rolleyes:, and certainly this isn't the case with AM as I know she's an excellent mother to Aston, it is my experience that ADHD is used as a "get out" for parents who can't be @rsed to discipline their children. Many times I've seen children tearing the place down while their parents sit, unmoved going "it's alright, he's got ADHD". This also does a great dis-service to parents of children who have genuinely got ADHD, because people see this and think that such a condition does not exist.

Similar thing with dyslexia - every other person I interview these days has got dylsexia when in fact they either didn't regularly attend school for a variety of reasons, or were let down by the school system. Again, this does a dis-service to those who have dyslexia.

Jxx

It doesn't mean the child is not ADHD - it just means that he/she has the added disadvantage of poor parenting:D

BREX

blue_monkey wrote: »

What a lovely story BREX, this is what worried me with DD and it shows that medication helps, while not everyone approves you have to do what is right for your child and in this case your daughter clearly had a problems. Did they say it was the link between her changing hormones at all? This is the theory I have, that HF Sectrum Girls can deal with things fine (to a degree) and then when their homones change they cannot cope with the feelings and frustrations.

I think that is it, that people are quick to pass judgement without having any experience of the condition and living with an ADHD child and this is what irritates me.

There was no link with her hormones...after the doctor had spoken to all of us about Sam's behaviour it appears that she had ADD and the associated problems from an early age
At one school they called in the school psychologist...Sam was five at the time... and her behaviour was so bad and she diagnosed her as being a 'NAUGHTY CHILD' with a very rude attitude....if they had properly assessed her we may have found out she had ADD sooner and been able to help her .

The strain on our family was enormous and its only through the love we all have for each other and the help of our parents and family that we survived as a family.

It was awful people thinking we were bad parents and that we had not taught her right from wrong. As I said Sam is now a well adjusted 21 year old...and we would not change her for the world.

gone4gold62

PolishBigSpender wrote: »

You should think very carefully before getting your child diagnosed with ADHD. It's a label that will 'stick' to your child for the rest of his life - and be used by teachers and others as an excuse to brand him/her 'stupid' for the rest of his days.

Every child will display ADHD characteristics - it's called being a child. Given that he's not even 5, wouldn't it make sense to wait a couple of years before trying to label him/find excuses for him?

[:mad: It does seem dreadfully apparent to me that certain types of parents seem ]more likely to have children diagnosed with ADHD.

:mad:
PLEASE ENLIGHTEN me just what sort of parents these are:eek:

Gingham_Ribbon

blue_monkey wrote: »

Yes, but this would not continue through school would it? That would be a short term thing if it was trauma.

Usually, yes. I was mentioning it because the OP's son has only just started school so they haven't had long enough to let the lad settle into school. I wouldn't presume to say that someone whose child has been diagnosed was given the wrong diagnosis.

moggylover

PolishBigSpender wrote: »

If so, why aren't similar amounts of children in my country diagnosed with ADHD?

Ritalin is a cheap solution to 'keep children quiet' - which is a rather strange view as children should be encouraged to be themselves. Unfortunately, it's a symptom of modern fashionable parenting - a child is treated as a fashion accessory, not a living human being.

I have complete faith that a significant amount of children with ADHD don't actually have it - and instead are simply given the label to excuse poor parenting/stupidity. I recall encountering one particular child of a friend in the UK. His dreadful behaviour was excused by him having ADHD - but it was clearly obvious that the parenting method was at fault, not the child.

I think it's absolutely terrible that a child, under the age of 5 can be labelled with the 'ADHD' tag - how exactly can you tell the difference between one 5 year old and another? For instance, from the BUPA website.

Are the three main problems with behaviour. But how many 5 year olds truthfully don't exhibit this kind of behaviour?

If you have to google it and quote from BUPA, then you have no place commenting on a thread where someone has asked for help, support and advice as you have no insight to bring to her, only your customary know-it-all attitude.

As I have stated before, until you have children you are really not going to have a single idea worth bringing to the parenting situation, only spiteful and condemnatory "opinions" based on no experience whatsoever.:D

As to the diagnosis and how few Polish kids are diagnosed: ADHD was first recognised in 1928 and has been well researched since - so I suspect that means that your doctors are at least that far behind in their medical knowledge;) . Alternatively, people are still condemned for bad parenting and children just considered bad kids because of a failure to recognise and treat the illness.

My son has never been on ritalin either: but a number of health professionals with a lot more knowledge and skill than yourself made his diagnosis and I have a lot more faith in them knowing what they are talking about than I do in anything worth considering coming from you:D

mumps

I think every parent has to make their own decision. I don't have a child with ADHD but Health Visitor pushed me to get my third child assessed for dyspraxia. I know its a completely different condition but I think the principle is the same. Personally I was not happy to have a label on my three year old so I refused. I did some research and she did have many of the indicators. We did lots of activities that we thought would help her, she still displays one or two symptoms of dyspraxia but that is her and not a problem. I don't disagree with getting help, attended hospital for years with one of my children, but it is a decision that every family has to make for itself. I have three boys, I know people who will adversely comment on the behaviour of a pre school boy and I just think, "Well thats boys" I think sometimes people rush to solve a problem and if you're not careful you can be creating a problem. I'm not criticising anyone for their decisions just making the point that we all walk our own road and shouldn't judge others or think our decisions will be right for others even if they are right for us. Sometimes the decision is easy, with my sons health problems there was never any hesitation about getting the help we needed but with his sister it was something we didn't feel worth making that big a deal about. 15 years on I think we made the right decision but of course I don't know how I would feel if we had made the opposite decision, we might be just as happy or happier or of course we might regret the label. A difficult decision and I hope you make the right choice for you and your little one. Other peoples opinions don't matter much although they can help you work out your opinion. Good luck and I hope he does fantastically well whatever you decide.