Financial faux pas and other disasterous decisions

beanielou

Karen Campbell is a new Scottish writer who is great.

Intergalactic_Floozie

moo2moo wrote: »

Of course its also the school summer fayre on Friday so I'll be guilt tripped into £20 to cover that.
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I'm amazed you haven't volunteered yourself to be locked in the stocks and have wet things hurled at you, in the name of charity! How have you got away with that?

moo2moo

Fortunately we don't have stocks at our school fayre, there are only 4 of us who don't wear make up (3 are men). The make up wearers complained about streaking mascara and so the stocks were binned. No doubt if we did go ahead I'd be enlisted anyway. I'll end up being at school until 10pm on friday night to set up, do last minute things and clear away anyway. We have a several PTA mini-Hitlers who will think nothing of walking through the middle of assembly to get something out of a cupboard in the hall rather than wait 15 minutes so I'm there primarily to run interference and secondly because I know where everything is. I also get to do the official school bit and enforce health and safety rules (which I make up as I go along - ssssh) whenever something strikes me as outright stupid. Coconut shie in front of a glass window anyone? Thats its current location according to the intricately detailed plan which I've been issued with by the PTA. The fire engine are slap bang in the middle of the carnage which is none too great if they get called out on a shout and the biggest heaviest piece of fairground bit is in the boggy part of the school field - we'll need a tractor on hand to shift it when it gets stuck. Oh its going to be none stop fun. Whinge whinge whinge. Must remember its for charity. Must not cave to the temptation to beat the most vocal of the ladies (a very generous description) into a pulp with her endless whingy requests. No doubt the Headmaster will be cowering in his office for the day or holed up in a classroom with Early Years to avoid her. If you disagree with her she pretends you don't exist.

According to her current action plan :

8am : I'll be errecting gazebos on the school field (actually I'll be unlocking doors and doing my normal morning things) - incidently I'm good but it'll take me considerably longer than an hour to put up 20 gazebos on my own.
9am : I'll be transporting tables outdoors (small issue with 350 children using them to write in books or eat dinner off)
10am: 350 chairs to be transported outdoors - shame they're stored in the hall which is used for service 10-11am. Chances are I'll still be putting up gazebos anyway.
11am: Transport donations to school field and distribute accordingly
12:00: Direct the arriving commercial companies to their locations on the field - really? Is a business likely to set up 5 hours before something starts? Nooooooo
13:00: Apparently it will all be set up and I can go home until 14:00. Lucky me!

Fortunatley the Head has a great sense of humour. The official action plan attached to the staff room noticeboard was shreded and a revised version has appeared:

9am: PTA arrive lulled into a false sense of security to set up for Fayre
10am: Feelings of mild panic observed within PTA
11am: Impending doom - headless chicken activity inititated
12 noon: Pizza in staff room - staff only!
1pm: Allow years 5 and 6 to hinder PTA progress as part of team building development
5pm : Fayre officially opened
8pm: Persuade parents to leaveby asking those remaining to help clear up
10pm: Staff meeting in pub. First round on the boss.

Whatever happens I will make it home for 30 minutes at some point during the day to let the dog out.

moo2moo

Thanks for all the book suggestions. I'll read almost anything - although since reading Riders at age 15 I can't stomach Jilly Cooper or the way Rupert Campbell Black never seems to age. He was also responsible for my expectations of the average man in the bedroom department. Sadly I have to report that despite much experimentation no man can perform like a stallion for hours on end. Lilly Allen is spot on.

I've ordered Karen Campbell and Chelsea Gain from the village library. Sadly I've already read everyhing else. I have no life. For those of you who enjoyed The Time Travellers Wife give Diana Gabaldons Outlander series a whizz. Its far far far superior in an is it 6am and do I have to go to work already, I haven't made it to bed yet kind of way. The Binding Chair by Kathryn Harrison is very evocotive, although you'll need a strong stomach to read it, its far better than Jung Chans Wild Swans.

Still undecided what to get from Amazon, had vague thoughts about birthday presents for the DDs but nothing I came up with appears on Amazon. Most annoying. I may just be tempted to buy more knickers. I love knickers. No matter how scruffy I am I love having multicoloured pants on underneath it all - spots, stripes, paw prints, cows, frilly ones, fluffy ones (incidently not overly practical but fab anyway!). I even managed to come across a pair of dryclean only ones - sanity prevailed though.

makeup

I really like Kate Atkinson - most recently 'When will it get better' (or something like that, cant remember exactly off top of head)

Also Maggie O'Farrell - her best is Since you Were Gone (another of those can't go to bed til it's finished - every single time, even though I've read it lots) but also The Disappearing Act of Esme Lennox.

Am currently reading 'My Dirty Little book of Stolen Time' Liz Jenson which is so far pretty amusing and original.

I also love Jasper Fforde - Lost in a Good Book, Ayre Affair etc - I find them funny and amusing and clever.

Thanks for the other recommendations though, I'm going through a library phase at the moment so will look them out.

Good luck with the school fair - I remember running a welly wanging stall when I was at school, we had great fun and got a lot of cash! Of course all we had to do was turn up with a bunch of wellies.....

The organisation of it all sounds a nightmare! Hope you have something good planned as a well deserved treat afterwards!

moo2moo

Its Friday. A rather dull overcast Friday at that but fortunately (or should that be unfortunately) its not too windy so we'll be able to put up the gazebos after all. Oh deep deep joy!

Sweet talked one of the school secretarys (the nice one) into typing out a couple of polite posters asking parents not to block the emergency exits to the playground so that we can get the fire engine in and out as and when needed. No doubt some eeejit will still feel the need to move the traffic cones and park there anyway. There aren't any double yellow lines at the mo. so technically theres nothing but common sense to stop them and these parents have no common sense. School is on a narrow lane with a blind bend top and bottom on a one way system around a church. You can walk the entire thing in a couple of minutes but parents still feel its safer to drop their children off and then reverse the wrong way up the one way system to the bend and the main road rather than driving round the church. Frustratingly annoying. Fortunately there haven't been any accidents yet.

Despite all my protestations that I will be home at some point to eat the OH has filed a goodie bag with enough food to keep me going for 24 hours. Perhaps he knows something I don't? The PTA are currently in mad panic mode about the lack of donations. So far I doubt we've had 10 bin bags of staff, some of which I'll throw in the bin before it gets near a stall, used tights or drawn on toys anyone? Someones donated broken cricket bats and tennis rackets with strings missing. Its really really dire. I guess thats the downside of sending home a very posh technicolour request for expensive items, it was sadly lacking in the we'd be greatful for anything else department. I hope they'll learn for next year. Mind you the list of stalls makes it sound like its going to be a very expensive evening out anyway. Half of the stuff arranged is commercial ventures at £1.50 a time. With two children it'll be expensive, with three I wouldn't go. Then again school in a very affluent area. One of the hard done to parents was just complaining that shes had to fork out 25K in double glazing for her house so was rather grateful that her monthly mortgage payments had dropped to 2.5K per month.

I'm sure it'll be a great day in the end, its just not quite what I expect from a school fayre. Must remember to persuade the same secretary to print me some labels for the wheelie bins in a vague attempt to get the parents to recycle their beer bottles.

OHs electronic cigarette has turned out to be the biggest disaster going. Hes used it four times, each time its given him a headache. Hes really not impressed. I've suggested he tries reducing the nicotine level from medium to low or even trying the placebo but no hes taking it to work to see if one of the fellas in the office can use it. Turns out they've been discussing it in the office having come across it in one of the US gadget magazines.

Spent yesterday doing housework. Made it to the bottom of the ironing pile, cleared the pile of junk at the top of the stairs and got rid of four bags of outgrown books from the DDs bedrooms and a heap of picture frames that I vaguely recall purchasing from Lidl when DD1 was born but have never used. Still its more tat out of the way.

moo2moo

Finally made it home at 10pm with stripey hair having spent part of the evening in a mobile police cell. It was a surprisingly tight squeeze even when the other three occupants were 5 year olds. I've washed my hair twice since getting home but still have purple, red and green patches left. OH helpfully pointed out that they're where I have the most grey hair. Great. Thanks. Fairly confident I've secured my position as the wierdest adult in school. In the end the OH took the DDs to the chippy on the way home which got us round the whole food thing. They had £3 each which went rather a long way, thanks to their amazing negotiating skills, although not as far as they would have liked but since they came home with a toy each they were both rather happy. All in we spent £15 including the trip to the chippy which is considerably less than I was expecting. School looks like the aftermath of an outdoor rock concert and I have until 6pm Wednesday to return it to its initial state as the new parents are due for a presentation and tour. Its never ending at the moment.

Todays plan:

• Do the housework I haven't managed to do this week
• Figure out how to get rid of 2 car loads of tat to anyone that will have it before Wednesday. Freecyle is my friend. Or at least it would be if I would let me post.
• Take DDs to their riding lesson
• Vaguely contemplate taking DD2 shoe shopping as hers won't last much longer
• Magic up a Fathers Day gift
• Work out where DD2 hid her Fathers Day card

beanielou

Can DD's shoes not last til the end of term?

moo2moo

I wish. The heels have disintegrated as I discovered when tracking down the cause of her blister. Theres no sole left and chunks of rubber are flaking of. They're well and truly !!!!!!ed. Off to the outlet village for the morning to see if we can track some down. Unfortuately DD1s are in a similar state.

Still can't post anything on Freecycle. I have a sneaky feeling that tuesday will be spent driving between school and the chrity shops.

I'm losing the will to live already today. All I want to do is submit schools annual return to the charity commission although it appears I can only do this as a PDF document but I can't figure out how to convert it. I've converted 2 of the 3 documents but the third is eluding me its already in a .xlsx format which I can't open to do anything with. I've even tried scanning the paper copy and attempting to save that as a pdf or as something I can convert from but no joy. Its driving me up the wall. Still I've completed the rest of the paperwork they want and have e-mailed schools auditor to see if she can re-save it as a pdf. Most annoying!

Will be spending the morning washing scraaping pigeon off the window thanks to a kamikazee bird. Window 1, pigeon 0. Lovely.

Off to do some E-baying. Its all none-stop fun.

Intergalactic_Floozie

Sorry, can't help you. When we scan a document in at work, it e-mails it to you and automatically saves it as a PDF. Do you actually have Adobe writer? Or just reader?