****Thank Flip it's Friday..Chat Starts Here. ****

immoral_angeluk

bookseller1980 wrote: »

Thanks IA. I am the owner so will maybe try. Do I have to go to my local one? Small town and office in a very public place.

You can be advised from any bureau local or not, it's only when you need specialist casework like debt etc that you'll need to go to your local one.

Toto

Thanks everyone. I'm not bitter, not anymore anyway. The thing is I've always felt a little bit of sympathy for her. Ok, I was angry for a long time with both her and my father for not just letting us two live with my mum, neither of them wanted us, they just wanted to get one over on her.

But, the grandmother was raised in a children's home in the 1920s and that's where she learned her parenting skills. She didn't have the strength to break the cycle of abuse.

Both my brother and I went through a few difficult years as adults but both of us sorted ourselves out before we had kids and became the parents we felt we should have had. He is a fantastic dad to my niece and nephew and I hope I'm doing a pretty decent job as a mum to my crew. So there is no need to be angry, we won in the end.

I'm just sad that I lost mum so young and never really had the chance to give her the joy of her grandchildren that she lost out on with 2 of her kids.

immoral_angeluk

:grouphug: toto...

Ames

That's the way I try to think of my mum, that she had an abusive childhood and just passed it onto us because she didn't know better. If you don't mind me asking, how did you get over it? Neither me or my sister want children because of our childhood, we don't want to make the same mistakes and we want to break the cycle.

spud30

Bunnyinthelights wrote: »

Snags
I'm afraid im in the IA camp here.

STEP AWAY FROM THE !!!!!!

I'm afraid i must agree with the IA camp too

I might be wrong, but he seems to enjoy the fact that you were completely smitten, and doesnt seem too impressed that you have gained some self control. I bet his ego has been massaged big stylie.

Unless you're completely sure you can just remain friends, stay away would be my advice. You deserve better

spud30

Hugs Toto hun xxx

spud30

Oh yeah, afternoon everyone

spud30

Tut, it's still morning, sorry.....morning everyone

whatatwit

Afternoon

Toto

Ames wrote: »

That's the way I try to think of my mum, that she had an abusive childhood and just passed it onto us because she didn't know better. If you don't mind me asking, how did you get over it? Neither me or my sister want children because of our childhood, we don't want to make the same mistakes and we want to break the cycle.

Hugs to you Ames.

Getting over the past isn't an easy thing to do but I suspect you are actually dealing with it more than you realise. When I was very little, maybe 4 or 5 I began to realise that things weren't right and people who were supposed to care for children shouldn't treat them the way i was being treated. So even at that young age i was dealing with it. I remember being really protective of my tiny tears doll, I used to hide her right at the back of the wardrobe covered in things when I went to school, just so she didn't get hurt. Sounds silly now but I guess i was preparing for motherhood then. My brother was very protective of me, he would pull the grandmother off of me and turn the attention to himself, take a beating on my behalf.

The fact is, if you and your sister can rationalise it now, realise what happened and understand that your mum was abused and knew no better, you have stopped the cycle. Neither my brother or I had to make any decision not to abuse our kids, never have I felt the urge or had to stop myself from hurting them, it just isn't there in me. If anything I am more protective than perhaps I might have been. Only once have I ever slapped one of my kids, and she really did deserve it. But apart from that one time it's never been necessary.

Once the abusive person is out of your life it's much easier to look back and realise that your childhood was wrong, it wasn't your fault, your mother was just weak and can't have been happy.